Toddler struggling emotionally with stopping bf? Help!

(5 Posts)
pasbeaucoupdegendarme Mon 24-Feb-14 14:13:35

My dd is 19mo and was still having a bedtime bf. I want to stop because in a couple of months my dh and I will be ttc again and I wanted to give my body some "time off" from the hormones associated with bf. I have PCOS so I'm aware that things may not be straightforward with ttc, hence feeling I should get my body to get itself as "normal" as it will ever be first!

Dd has never seemed all that fussed about bfing, she's sort of done it because it was offered, but she's never been one to ask for it. (She is very verbal for her age and knows exactly where the "milkies" are!! So she could have asked if she'd wanted.) She's been very happy settling for her dad with a beaker of cows' milk if needed when I have been out in the evening, although this has only happened a handful of times. Last week I stopped giving her the night time bf and both dh and I have been putting her to bed with exactly the same routine, just beaker instead of bf. She has been fine.

However... during the day over the last week she has been increasingly clingy with me (not even dh can settle her). She is constantly asking for "cuddle mummy" and seems very easily frightened or concerned by things that wouldn't necessarily have worried her before. Last night she woke and was miserable and crying (although not constantly)for three hours before I finally bf her at 2am. She absolutely clung onto me while feeding and it was quite upsetting as I felt she was desperate about it.

This is getting a bit long-winded, sorry! I guess what I'm asking is:
1. Do you, the wise women of mn-land, think the clingyness is a reaction to stopping bfing, or just a coincidence?
2. What do I do about it?!

Paintyfingers Tue 25-Feb-14 00:20:32

She sounds lovely and you've done amazingly to have bf so long smile

It could be connected with stopping bf as children rarely self wean before 2, so it is natural for her still to want to feed and toddlers get so much comfort and closeness from bf.

I personally would just feed her but I am still bf my DS at 2 and with pcos and am already TTC. Do you have AF back? We have a nice bf while ttc thread in conception you might want to pop into for a read.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme Tue 25-Feb-14 13:40:19

Thank you Paintyfingers smile

We had a pretty rubbish day yesterday but in the end I thought she had a temperature too so it could all just be coincidence. I bf her last night as well when she woke and it did settle her more, so I think I may carry on on an ad hoc basis, rather than as part of the "routine". I genuinely thought she wasn't that fussed, but maybe it was just because she'd never had to be!

Interesting that you are also ttc with PCOS. I will look at the other thread at some point too.

Paintyfingers Tue 25-Feb-14 15:04:21

I think you did the right thing - I'm sure she will be much happier for having had the cosy bf smile

I go with don't offer don't refuse which is the LLL approach - best for them and any bm you give up to 2 is recognised as important by the World Health Organisation so it is win win grin

pasbeaucoupdegendarme Wed 26-Feb-14 09:22:10

I think that's where it fell down for us, maybe - I always offered because she never asked (even as I tiny baby I had to set alarm clocks for her...). Last night she woke screaming for "mummy milky", the first time that's ever happened so I am now sure that she wants it! However, I'm not sure I want to get into the habit of putting her to bed without and then settling her late in the night again (and again, and again as happened last night!).

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