Advanced b/f, DS is controlling situation & I've had enough! How to break the cycle?

[hoosyermama]

Not sure if i should post in sleep or feeding as they are tied up together! DS is 25 months and always been devoted to "booboo" as he puts it. This is a new experience for me as my daughter was less interested and we stopped at 12 months. Anyway I've just gone with it and have of course loved the closeness. Alongside this I have co- slept (I say I as DP works away on a 3 week rotation and until v recently has chosen to sleep downstairs due, he says to DS in bed, really he prefers unbroken sleep). Circumstance meant we couldn't get DS into his own room until v recently. So DS tends only to feed before bed and usually settles v well in his own bed. He always wakes between 12-2 and wants in with me, he then feeds on and off through the night. I have no idea now how to break this cycle (I vainly hoped it would sort itself and he'd grow out of it) and now I feel totally exhausted most of the time and no longer in control of the situation as he is quite a big boy now and tends to head butt his way in! He also goes from one side to another and now I can no longer do the finger suction lock release thing as he has worked out how to grip with his teeth! (A delicate situation!) I find my self telling him "enough" and "done" and even "please" as he falls asleep, this usually does it and he lets go, settling again, till the next time. I don't think I'm producing much milk and I know that this is a comfort for him which is now tied up with sleeping. Whilst i have loved being able to feed him I want to break the cycle now but don't even know where to begin! Does anyone have experience of this and can offer advice?

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

When we moved dd into her room I fed her in there in a chair and I only ever bring her into bed when she's poorly. This is the thing that worked for us, think if we'd started bringing her into bed with us, she'd still be in our bed now.

Perhaps you could try that. Have you read 12 alternatives for the all night nurser and NCSS for toddlers and preschoolers?

Both times I've tackled sleep issues, I've tried to do it when I'm less tired so maybe try a couple of early nights and see if DH can let you have a lie in.

[hoosyermama]

Thanks JJJ, I hadn't read the 12 alternatives before, many good points that chime with me that I can definitely try. Discovering the NCSS for toddlers and pre-schoolers is a bit of a revelation to me as I read Elizabeth Pantley's NCSS for babies a couple of years ago and had no idea there was a version for toddlers! Will definitely be buying that one. DP is now sleeping upstairs when he is home so I think getting him involved in this is essential. Thanks your reply and for the links :)

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

No worries

[Somersaults]

I am at a similar point with 16mo DD who settles to sleep well then wakes in the night and latches on and does not unlatch until morning. I am getting very little sleep just now! I'm not ready to stop bfing but I need to break this night cycle. I've been awake since 2.10am today! I'm just heading off to read those links so thank you :)

[hoosyermama]

I relate Sometsaults! I have high hopes for finding a solution which might work for us in the NCSS for toddlers - going on the number of positive reviews! There may be something useful in the book she wrote for babies seeing as your DD is a little younger?

[Somersaults]

It's worth looking at for sure. After witnessing my meltdown last night DH is onward to help so tonight's plan when she wakes is that he will put some bonjela on in case her teeth are bothering her then sit in the nursery cuddling her if she will have it. However, if the demon child screams make an appearance again I'll be back where I was because I can't bear them, neither can DH and I'm pretty sure the neighbours can't either!

[Somersaults]

She slept until 5am last night :) fingers crossed for another good night tonight!