Loathing bf but no excuse really...

(55 Posts)
stowsettler Wed 13-Mar-13 11:26:06

DD is 2 wks 2 days today. BF going technically well - plenty of milk, latching on ok, piling on the weight, reasonably good sleep patterns...all in all a situation many on this forum would kill for.
But I HATE it. I have very big boobs but am quite short, so I can't get her comfortable on my lap because there's not enough room between boob and lap for her to fit! Tried rugby ball hold, feeding lying down, everything, the only way to feed her is across my lap with me bending slightly over her - I can't even lean back because my nipples face outwards and slip out of her mouth. This is killing my back and I do not experience any of that fabled closeness that bf is supposed to promote.
She feeds for 20mins then has a 20min break, then is back for more. Night feeds last about 2 hours - thankfully she doesn't need too many of them, but they are making me miserable. I'm a real control freak, and the total lack of control over things, either to benefit me or her, is making me totally miserable. She will hardly ever settle for me, but does so fine for DP and this is making me feel totally useless and a real failure. It feels like she doesn't want me at all, except for milk and this has me sobbing every time.
I'm sat here crying because I know I should be grateful that we don't have any REAL problems, and the fact that I still loathe the whole process makes me feel even more of a failure. Some of the issues people on here have to cope with are so, so much worse.
Will it honestly get better? Because I just can't see it.

OhGood Mon 25-Mar-13 20:27:53

Well done stow

LauraPashley Mon 25-Mar-13 20:39:04

Hope you are feeling happier OP! Just wanted add, in case anyone was reading and recognizing the deep breast pain/tingling - I had this, among many many other issues, with dd1. The lactation consultant at the hospital eventually described this thing to me which she compared to pins and needles when the blood has flowed away from your hands. She said the milk ducts could be empty and almost collapse/shrivel, then it was painful when the milk started to flow through and open them up again. Uncommon but not massively so. Can't remember the proper name!

AThingInYourLife Mon 25-Mar-13 21:45:17

Glad to hear you sounding happier with everything smile

The sensitive nipple thing does sound a bit of an ordeal and not a temporary problem.

Enjoy your lovely daughter as she grows smile smile smile

Bookwolf32 Mon 25-Mar-13 21:58:43

I hated BF for the first 6 weeks, in lots of pain and couldn't get comfortable because of big boobs. Now 18 weeks and although still have some discomfort DD can feed in 10 mins and her size and self-support means it is a lot easier. I considered FF every day, but then decided that it would always be easier to just pop a boob out as soon as baby is hungry.
If you really want to BF then try and stick with it for a bit longer - it does get easier. If you are really getting worked up about it then maybe mix feed, you could bf when you were feeling relaxed and comfortable and then bottle the other times.
Your baby will still thrive on formula, so don't feel guilty if you decide to FF after all. You've tried really hard and you should give yourself a pat on the back. smile

Hadassah Mon 25-Mar-13 22:01:50

I switched to formula three days in because I found breastfeeding painful and it worked out really well for me. I use Aptamil and don't sterilise anything. The child is fine.

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