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USED AND ABUSED?

(7 Posts)
goodegg1 Mon 26-May-14 12:06:48

Hi

I'm a good egg and have been supporting a bereaved friend for a few years. I have dropped everything when she has needed me despite having many difficult family commitments and health issues of my own, stayed over when she needed me always visiting her as her husband always drove at night and her car was old and she had no money (I was on carers allowance then unemployed). I helped her through inquests, meetings to complain about his medical treatment, compiling letters and wading through medical reports to pursue negligence against the NHS and I had just started a new job, college and had my beloved dad just gone into care with Alzheimers. I still dropped everything to help her and saved her a fortune in legal costs.

I suggested for a long time we had a holiday together as I am alone following my parents admission to care, but she wasn't ready and didn't feel right without her husband as they were like peas in a pod. I understood and didn't press the issue.

2 months ago she told me she was going away with friends. I said I thought she wasn't ready and she said they were paying for it and she couldn't afford it otherwise. I later asked how the plans were going as thought it was nice for her to get away and she referred to a holiday abroad with another friend she was going on. I said I thought you couldnt afford to go away and she said it was cheap and an opportunity. The other holiday is scheduled for later in the year. I did feel very hurt as at no point had I been invited or arrangements suggested between us. I was then invited when someone pulled out but I would go as didn't like the location and it was short notice for a new job.

Now she has further plans with this new friend to go to America, just the 2 of them and is buying a brand new car too.

I just feel used. I am pleased she Is starting her life over but I have given all I can and feel of no account.

She still calls mosts nights to talk about how bad she feels about her loss and I just feel like - talk to your other friend!

Your thoughts guys... Am I being mean? sad

goodegg1 Mon 26-May-14 12:11:41

I'm feeling really mean now - Help!!

Tilpil Tue 03-Jun-14 07:41:37

Honestly I would pull back some support say your busy when she rings but I'm a big one for friendships being equal

goodegg1 Thu 05-Jun-14 00:36:43

me too! Im takin my bat home!

Knackered123 Sat 07-Jun-14 22:17:04

No you are not being mean, you have been a great friend and I can understand why you would feel a bit put out. She clearly values you as a friend but I agree it might be a good idea to pull back a bit, does she support you with regards to your problems?

wakeupandsmellthecoffee Sun 08-Jun-14 10:37:17

I think some people put friends in categories .I think she sees you as her therapist friend .
I would pull back a bit and see what happens .

goodegg1 Mon 09-Jun-14 21:47:20

yes and no. she tries to support but makes me feel worse. When mum had cancer it was well shes at that age but obviously i was very sensitive to her feelings when it happened to her with DH. Not the same I know and my little mum recovered.
I just think some empathy is lacking. she has supported me in the past and listened to my woes so there has been a degree of reciprocity.
Just wish I could meet another me as I am empathic and considerate.
I am pulling back as I dont know what to do with my hurt and it is gnawing away within me at the moment.
I can only learn and make more friends. could not cut her off as i love her but will pull back altho it pains me
x

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