Domestic violence starts in our childhood.
We are raised by parents that treat us badly, neglect us mentally, physically, emotionally. We have over critical parents that show us that we are not good enough. This means that we have a self esteem that is lower, and our expectations are that we won't be successful, that so-and-so won't like us.
We repeat the example we are set by our parents.
THIS is why staying with an abuser for the sake of the kids is the worst possible thing anyone can do. they will grow up thinking it's normal.
We need to start somewhere, so starting by teaching children that abuse is wrong, and starting the discussion of how men treat women/women treat men, what is and is not acceptable needs to start in school.
support will be needed for those growing up in situations where there is power imbalance. They need to know that if they can't help their parent(s), they still have to understand that they don't need to live like that.
The symptoms of abuse are clear and palpable in children, our schools need to be taught to see them and quietly support those showing signs of distress:
Signs & Symptoms
From a Child's Perspective
Children communicate their distress in many different ways. Often the way in which children express their distress is closely linked to their stage of developmental. General guidelines when considering the traumatic reactions of children at different developmental stages include the following:
Infants
Infants depend on adults to look after them. They sense the emotions of their caregiver and respond accordingly. If the adult is calm and responsive and is able to maintain their daily routine, the child will feel secure and symptoms will be minimized. If the adult is anxious and overwhelmed, the infant will feel unprotected and may display a variety of symptoms, including:
Fussing
Sleep problems
Disruptions in eating
Withdrawal
Lethargy and unresponsiveness
Toddlers
At this age children begin to interact with the broader physical and social environment. As with infants, toddlers depend on adults to look after them and will respond to traumatic situations as well or as poorly as their adult caretakers. Common reactions in toddlers include:
Sleep problems
Disruptions in eating
Increased tantrums
Toileting problems (e.g. wetting him/herself)
Increased clinging to caretaker
Withdrawal
Preschool Children
Children at this age my have more social interactions outside of the family. Their language, play, social and physical skills are more advanced. With these skills, they are more capable of expressing their thoughts and feelings, particularly following a traumatic event. Common responses include:
Sleep problems
Disruptions in eating
Increased tantrums
Bed-wetting
Irritability and frustration
Defiance
Difficulty separating from caretakers
Preoccupation with traumatic events
School-Age Children
Children at this age are more independent, are better able to talk about their thoughts and feelings, and are engaged in friendships and participation in group activities. They also possess better skills to cope with challenges or difficulties. When confronted with a traumatic event, school-age children may exhibit the following symptoms:
Sleep problems
Disruptions in eating
Difficulty separating from caretakers
Preoccupation with details of traumatic event
Anxiety and aggression
School difficulties
Problems with attention and hyperactivity
Adolescents
Adolescence is a time during which youth may feel out of control due to the physical changes that are occurring to their bodies. They experience struggles to become independent from their families and rely more heavily on relationships with peers and teachers. They may show a tendency to deny or exaggerate what happens around them and to feel that they are invincible. When exposed to a traumatic event, adolescents may show the following symptoms:
Sleep problems
Preoccupation with details of traumatic event
Hopelessness
Anxiety and aggression
School difficulties
Unrealistic sense of power
Difficulties with relationships