It?s 2am. I am awake, wide awake and I know I won?t be able to get back to sleep. I go downstairs, make some tea. Lie on the sofa and watch BBC News 24. Michael Jackson is dead. It?s the anniversary of the 7/7 bombings. Protestors have been arrested in China. I doze a little, watch a little. By 4:30am I know you are comming. There is nothing to show it yet, but I know.

Just before 7 Luke comes down for breakfast. I tell him you?re on the way. He is quiet, sleepy, his usual morning self. Eats his cereal, says he?ll dress for work but will wait. Contractions have started, nothing too hard but I know what they are. By 8am I phone your uncle to tell him he?ll need to collect Alison. I feel calm but excited, nervous that it?s a false alarm but certain it isn?t. I phone the midwives. James arrives, very excited. I hadn?t thought he?d be so excited, it makes me feel really pleased. I?m sitting on my ball drinking tea, breathing through contractions. He?s trying not to watch but can?t keep his eyes off me. We dress Alison and tell her about her exciting day with Uncle James. Small complication ? the car is booked for it?s MOT. James says he and Alison will take it in and they leave.

I grab a quick shower and the midwives arrive while I?m in the shower. Throw clothes on and dash downstairs. Lisa, the midwife, says she?ll examine me but gently tells me not to be too upset if it?s a false alarm or not very far. But I?m about 4cm dilated already ? good news!

There?s about an hour of busyness. Your dad phones the office to say he won?t be comming in and starts to inflate the birth pool. I check Alison?s bag and put in some lunch for her. The midwives sit in the lounge and do some paper work. Things are beginning to feel hurried and I feel like I can?t concentrate on you. I need some space. Lisa notices and tells me she?ll leave but will be at the clinic down the road. James comes back with the car (with new MOT!) and heads off with Alison. It?s 10am. The door shuts behind him and immediately there?s a massive contraction. You know we?re all set, you know we?re ready for you now.

We have about an hour of quiet. I?m leaning over the sofa, doing plies during contractions like an ungainly ballet dancer. Your dad grabs a sandwich and reads the paper on the internet, gives me my space but stays nearby. Just after 11am the contractions are pretty close together and I can feel I?m not far off pushing. Luke phones Lisa who is back within 15 minutes. She looks at me and unpacks her bags in a hurry, phones for the second midwife Rachel to come ? clearly you are not too far away.

I start with the gas and air ? relief! The pool is almost full but now is too hot. Luke is trying to cool it with the garden hose. Finally I can get in. This is right, now I can float freely and concentrate on birthing you. The contractions increase, in speed and intensity. I feel I can?t do it, I feel it?s too much. I hold Luke?s hand, try to listen to what is being said around me between contractions ? the radio is on but I can?t tell what the songs are.

And then I feel you falling, rushing, your head moving down so fast I have to gasp out ?head, head?. And then I?m pushing and it?s so easy in the water. I float freely and can concentrate everything on pushing you out. And then your head is out and I can hear Luke saying in a tearful voice ?there?s the head, the head, the head? and Lisa is asking whether I?d like to catch you myself. I open my eyes: it?s raining outside and the rose bush is in bloom and I can see all these pink blooms smudged with rain. I shake my head to Lisa and then it?s time and your body is born.

I lift you onto me and I can?t believe you?re a girl and you?re here and it?s over and it was so amazing. I hold you there in the water with your dad supporting my shoulders. My little Zoe.

But soon I want to be out, I?m tired and afraid I?ll drop you. I?m resting on a nest of cushions and towels and an old duvet. I have you cradled against me and both of us are wrapped in a towel and held by your dad. And you are hungry and cry, rooting and snuffling. I help you latch on and feed you, I feed you within 20 minutes of you being born and that is so special. The three of us sit together for what feels like ages, and then we start to come out of our daze. We want to tell the world ? we phone all the family, send emails and texts to friends.

Time to move again and I go upstairs for a bath and then get into bed. With you. Alison and James get back around 5pm. And we all sit together in the bedroom, our little family with our tiny Zoe baby and our crazy, beautiful Alison toddler. And now it?s perfect.