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I am writing this for therapeutic purposes more than anything...
My waters broke on Monday 3rd November at 2pm and I rang the hospital and they told me to come in. They had a quick monitor check and said I could be induced now or wait 24 hours for nature to take its course and if nothing had happened then I was to come in "for a scan and to see how things were going". I had strep B but this is apparently the procedure with or without strep B.
I went home and at about 10pm the contractions started, slowly at first but they continued over the next 18 hours, I managed to get an hours sleep... they went from an hour apart to as close as 5 mins and got pretty intense but they started to get less frequent and less painful in the last few hours. I had arranged to go back to the hospital for 2pm on the Tuesday so I did so.
I was expecting no intervention since I had been having contractions, but the doctor and midwives insisted that I should be induced because there was a danger of infection for the baby otherwise, so I agreed. I really didnt want to be induced having heard it was more painful.
They put me on the induction drip and started the dosage low but doubled it every half hour. I managed with just the tens and breathing for about 1.5 hours, then went onto gas and air and after about 3 hours I asked for an epidural.
They stopped the drip because they didnt think I would stay still enough for the epidural otherwise. They had one go putting the epidural in but ended up drawing blood, so had another go. (I really hate needles BTW!!) They were eventually satisfied so started up the drip again, they started it at the strength at which they had turned it off, rather than building it up again... unfortunately the epidural hadn't worked AT ALL. I had been off the drip (so not used to the pain) for about an hour I think. I told them I was in pain and asked then begged them to switch off the drip until they got the epidural sorted but they refused saying they couldnt stop the drip and they would try a top-up of the epidural instead - this apparently only took the consent of the head midwife to do so and they were having a change of shift so she couldn't OK it yet... in the end I said "As a patient I'm asking you to turn off the drip" - I think they got the litigious thread of the conversation and finally got a more senior midwife in who said "She is entitled to pain relief if she's asked for it, turn off the drip for now" HURRAH!
By this time, my BP is THROUGH THE ROOF. I have a history of hypertension and my mum had pre-eclampsia. They got another anaesthetist to me who tested to see if the epidural had worked by spraying a cold spray on me and confirmed it had had no effect at all (why not do this in the first place???) He said he could give me a strong top up to see if that worked or give me another epidural and there was no guarantee it would work if the other hadn't. He gave me the top up (no effect) and got a blood test to see if I was up to the second epidural and said it would be half an hour before the results came back.
By this time my contractions had started again on their own so they gave me some pethedine (admittedly with my consent but I was at the end of my tether). As I had predicted and put in my birth plan pethedine completely knocked me out (codeine knocks me out!!), I was virtually comatose, I couldn't respond to anything they asked. By the time I came round again though, I was 8cm dilated.
I pushed on the remains of the pethedine, they didnt give me any more gas and air because they said it wouldnt help. I could not feel a pushing sensation, just a contraction, so I just pushed when the contraction started. They seemed pretty impressed with my progress but unfortunately my BP had climbed so the top line was now at 190, and appparently you are at risk of a stroke over 160 - they had been telling DH this for the past few hours but only told me at the end. They told me I needed a forceps delivery because they couldnt let me push any longer as I may have a stroke - the next second I had another contraction and they told me to push!!!! I asked them for a bit more time to push because I wanted to do it myself, they said it would probably only be 5 or 6 pushes but they couldnt risk my doing it.
I had a forceps delivery and had an epistomology and a second degree tear.
DD was born at 2.30am on the Wednesday morning, 12 hours after the induction drip had started and 36 hours after my waters broke. She weighed 6lb 15. I couldnt hold her for 1.5 hours because of the stitching but DH held her and I could see her.
THAT'S NOT THE END OF IT!!!
(TMI ALERT!) When the placenta was delivered, it was accompanied with a gush of 2 litres of blood within the space of about 5 seconds - they know it was 2L cos they mopped it up from the floor to see how much of a transfusion I needed!!! The reason this happened was when the placenta comes away it leaves a small wound and because my BP was so high, the blood just found the hole and came through. The normal blood loss on delivery is 500 ml.
I had to have a blood transfusion and am still on iron tablets for the resulting anaemia. They left me in the room in which I laboured for the following few days on pre-eclampsia drugs, I couldnt drink for 24 hours, I was stuck to the bed with a catheter for at least 24 hours.
The whole thing has left me completely traumatised and going from being certain I wanted another child to being not sure I could do it.
OMG You could be me... forceps, tranfusion and all. Oh-my-God I am so sorry this happened to you. Congratulations on DD's birth but this is horrible. Please get some counselling as you are at risk for PND from the trauma. HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just wanted to tell you that in the childbirth topic there is a birth trauma support thread that is wonderful.
As I said, I had a delivery like yours. The first thing my wonderful GP said to me was "sweetie, for the next baby I promise you an elective C-section". That made me feel so much better.
echo jacksmama- i had a very similar experience to you and i really was traumatised for a long time afterwards because i didnt sort it out in my head to start with. fwiw i did go on to have 2 more dhildren- the second being an elect cs and the third a vbac. both were wonderful tho i remember the first like it was yesterday (and it was 10 years ago!) congratulations on the birth of your lovely dd tho. the main thing is you have come away with a healthy beautiful baby . i am sure someone more useful than me will come along in a minute but there is lots of support out there post birth trauma- just make sure you get some! take care of yourself- you have had a hard time {{{{HUGS}}}}
You need debriefing. Please contact a supervisor of midwives at the maternity unit as it may help you to talk about your feelings and experience with someone who has the written information of your labour in front of them.
Sorry that you had such an awful and frightening time.
Im sorry to hear you had a bad experience, I agree with the others. Ask to go through your notes until you are happy with why things happened that shouldnt have.
oh no, poor you, what a horrible experience but congrats on the birth and getting thorough it. Believe me next time you will know exactly what you do and dont want and will go in their head strong (or choose c-sect!!) and things will be better (if you do decide to have more!) It was a far better experience for me 2nd time round as 1st time I had 3rd degree tear from the forceps that were turned in me and not at all a nice experience as the Doctor was not at all helpful and the consulant was not great either and I was new to it all!! I hope you are over it now and writing it down has helped you in some way.
I too had a similar experience with DD1. I waited 4 years before we were prepared to do it again. DH was more upset than I was because he was so powerless to help me. I dont remember alot but he remembers it all. I had DD2 at home, perfect birth. DS was born very rapidly & in hospital. It was only then did I find out that DD1 was put on the resusitaire post delivery. 9 years later!!
I hope you work to put this experience behind you. Enjoy your DD and dont think about another one until you are ready.
I had a similarly difficult experience with my DD. A birth like that is a lot to process, but you will be ok. Just take your time and talk about it as much as you need to.
Thank you all for your kind messages, they really mean a lot. I have a review booked Picturethis, thanks. The consultant assured me it wouldn't be as difficult the next time!! For those of you with more than one, did you have problems the second time?
Just want to tell you to take some Kleenex with you when you go to the review... it can be a bit upsetting to relive the experience. Helpful, though, in the sense that you can ask questions and will get answers. And if you have flashbacks or find yourself unable to let go of the experience, counselling is a really good idea. (((((HUGS))))) to you!!
Had cs followed by severe PPH, blood transfusion, was very ill like you, cathetirised (sp?) for 48 hours etc.
Just wanted to say that DS is 21 mnts and I am pg (due jan) so, there is light at the end of the tunnel but has taken lots and lots of counselling to get there (and am in preventative counselling now for future bub).
My advice is to keep talking and don't stop until you feel like your head has accepted it a bit more. Also, ignore anyone that says something along the lines of 'just focus on the end result your baby etc'; tis not as simple as that.
Good luck with going through your notes and try to leave it open at the end to come again as you may not remember to ask everything.
Once again congratulations and I hope you feel better soon. <<big hugs>>
Congratulations - how is your dd and what's her name? How are you doing now? Hoping you're enjoying everyone running after you for a bit!
I had awful first labour, fab second one and amazingly quick third one! I was so scared the 2nd time and had people saying at least you know what to expect . Every birth is different - don't worry about the future, just enjoy your baby now!
Thanks Loler. Her name is Poppy and she is fine, putting on weight (I'm bf ing). The only problem is she wont settle in her moses, we're having to co-sleep.
I agree you need a debrief, it does make a difference.
I too had a nightmare delivery with ds1- eclampsia. However if it helps I have never had a prioblem with delivering any of my other three and indeed wuld say i generally have pleasant labours (last was abit quick but thats about it).
Your experience sounds similar to mine - except that contractions started before waters broke but there was meconium in them so I wasn't allowed to progress slowly and was dilating extremely slowly. Managed the drip for 5 hrs with just tens - when they said it would be another 9before pushing I opted for the epidural still on drip (and, of course, tens machine off) - 1st one failed. 2nd one the anesthatist said she thought had worked and she'd be back in 5mins. 3 hrs later she reappeared (emergency surgery) - hadn't worked - she had to put spinal block in to get an epidural in that worked. Started pushing at 9. Nothing by 10.30. Into surgery for forceps trial - one put on - consultant gave up at this stage and went straight to emergency section. He later told me that he could tell that I'd pushed right by all the room around ds's head - but he must have got really jammed. Didn't have the bp problems - but otherwise sounds just as traumatic! Yes, catheter for 24hrs - but lots of lovely staples rather than stitches! (Ds was rather large - 10st5lbs at 39 weeks.)
Wow HoneyMoonMummy, congratulations on the birth of your DD and sympathies on the traumatic way she came to you. And a huge pat on the back for managing to bf despite such a rough start.
I had a long traumatic labour/birth with DD1, it took me a long time to get my head around it, the final healer for me was having DD2 at home completely naturally. You will get over it, but don't expect to bounce back and feel chipper in a few weeks. Be gentle with yourself for months, you deserve it!!
you poor girl, i am so sorry, great to get it written down. be gentle and enjoy dd. don't do anything you don't you feel you can until you can your body has been through something massive.. well done, and i am sorry it has been such a traumatic experience. let dh look after you so you can look after dd x
HMM don't be silly - it wasn't meant like that. Yes, I have got over it - in fact, I don't think that I probably reacted as strongly as you because we had quite a struggle getting to have a dc at all (ds was 6 yrs down the line after quite a bit of trauma) so I think that I was so relieved to actually have my child in my arms that nothing else mattered. My story was there to sympathise, empathise and show that you are not alone. I've not gone on to having another, but not through lack of trying. I would go through the same again to have another but I don't think its going to happen.
Give yourself some time. Enjoy your daughter and get fit again, and don't even consider the possibility of another for the moment! If, in 6mo or a year, it is still playing on your mind, go and see someone and get some help, but hopefully it will fade into just a bad memory.
BTW, you might want to try some carob to boost your iron - fantastic - lost 1.5l after a d&c following 3 months of sporadic v. heavy bleeding - I got my iron levels up to an OK level in 1 wk when they expected it to take with just the iron tablets. No side effects! I just use the carob powder and add a teaspoon to yoghurt, porridge, cereal, hot milk etc.
JFCM i was going to say that honeymoonmama so sorry your birth was not a good one (except for the beautiful DD you have out of it of course) i havent any exerience of what you went through except for the pain-killer withholding dance the midwives love to do and the 2nd degree tear part and i am really sorry you ended up with a traumatic birth i hope you get some answers at your review and can move on congrats on the birth of poppy xx ei xx
I will try carob, thanks. I'm trying to eat lots of spinach. I had to stop the iron tablets as they were making me really constipated and I already had piles Its taken 3 weeks for the constipation to stop which hasn't helped!
Am loving the Xmas theme of your posting DingDong
I have had a look at the birth trauma thread, I have written a letter asking for the records before I go and see the midwifes who delivered me.
I am feeling OK in myself thanks JFCM, have my six week check on Weds (even tho its only 5 weeks). It will be the first time anyones checked down below since I left hospital so that will be reassuring, and of course hopefully Poppy will get a clean bill of health too.
I've just posted some pics of Poppy on my profile page She was DEFINITELY worth the trauma. I'm starting to waver from "Can't do that again" to "Maybe again" already and its only 5 weeks so there is hope!
Can you get Floradix Iron and Herbs where you live? It's a liquid iron supplement, not constipating. Tastes sort of sweet and syrupy. Works really well.
I'm glad you'll be checked out next week. I was still too sore at 6 weeks to let anyone do an internal exam, and quite honestly, I think my midwife was too scared to look and see what a crap job they did of putting me back together. Cow. So it took months of me putting up with pain before my own GP looked and sent me straight to a consultant.
Poppy is adorable!!!!! I need to put up some new pics of Jack, the pumpkin ones are almost two months old and he's cruising now and standing for several seconds at a time.
I went to look at your pic Jacks but it said your privacy settings wouldn't let me. I've been really lucky in that respect, not had much pain from the stitches, its more the mental thought of having stitches there! I've heard of Floradix, thanks, I'll pop to Holland and Barrett when I can.
I'm going for the blood test today to see how my iron levels are, I dont feel weak etc so fingers crossed!
I'm trying to get my 6 week check date changed so DH can come with me, you'd think I was asking for a diamond ring!!
So sorry to hear about your bad experience. I too had a traumatic birth, ending in an e.c-section where the epidural they gave me for the surgery didn't work and i felt them cutting me open (sorry to anyone eating their lunch!!) so had to be put to sleep and didnt get to see or hold my dd till the next day, but was then discharged a few nours later needing a blood transfusion! Instead i too had tablets, and it does take a very long time to fully recover from the anemia, but you will get there in the end!
I would also recommend seeing a councellor as i didnt and a little while later it all hit me one day, and it turned out i was suffering from P.Traumatic Stress, which also took a long time to get over! But i am loads better now (dd is 17months) and considering my next one, although immediatly afterwards if any one asked it would have been NEVER AGAIN!!
I hope you can get over this too, and look forward to another child, as everyone keeps telling me no two births are the same!!
Also, try Spartame....they come in sachets from a health food shop, you just add them to a drink(prefferably orange as this helps the absorbtion) and it will help top you up with iron. I know the tablets can make you feel really ill, i had 3x 210mg a day plus eating steak, broccoli, spinach etc...... but it make me recover quicker!! And i found i had no problems healing as well like alot of people do!!
A diamond ring sounds like the perfect gift considering what youve been through!!
Oh and I named my dd 'Poppy' when she was still inside me, but had to change it by the time she was born because everybody was calling her it already, her name is Alana, but a lot of my friends just call her poppy, because thats how theyve known her!! Lovely name!
There is iron in chocolate??? Christmas has indeed come early
I went for my 6 week check up yesterday, the stitches are all gone and I have a scar apparently. I'm screwed if I'm gonna check for myself at the moment!!!
Oneyummy, I did a double take cos I thought that was my name posted at first - didnt get much sleep last night!! Your experience does sound v similar and its good that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I will try to push for counselling... [grateful smile emoticon]
I have done too reading back through the thread!ha!
I would avoid chocolate though, bacause although it does contain iron, it also contains stimulants and sugars which will give you an energy crash at the end and make you feel even worse! I sound like scruge now don't I, sorry!
And when you're both up in the middle of the night because you can't sleep from too much chocolate, check in here or at the one-child tearoom (even if you have more than one), because I'm still up when it's the middle of the night in the U.K.
I know - I often forgot until I tied a huge red bow around it and put it in the front of the fridge so I couldn't help but see it whenever I opened the fridge. How are you today?
I've been to the docs today, Poppy's been diagnosed with reflux. Hopefully that explains why she's never very happy. Can't wait for the gaviscon to work!!!!
We got a cot delivered today too, so gonna try her in that tomorrow night... she hates the moses so we've been co-sleeping in our king size bed while DH has been sleeping on the single bed in the nursery...I miss him
Someone today mentioned she might be a bit cranky because I had a difficult labour and I should perhaps see a cranial osteopath - any ideas?
I have heard really good things about craniosacral technique or cranial osteopathy for babies who needed some help coming out. I've referred people to one who used to work with my husband, and they've said only good things. That sounds like a good idea.
On another thread I read that you should space out the Gaviscon and give some with every feed...
I've booked an appointment with a cranial osteopath for tomorrow, thanks. Should be interesting... I've been reading more about the symptoms of reflux and she's definitely a classic case. I can't wait to see if it improves her disposition. I hate to see her unhappy all the time.
<JM runs to HMM, grabs her in a huge hug and plants big smacking kisses all over her>
<Cuddles Poppy a bit more gently>
How did it go with the osteopath? And her cot? We are confirmed co-sleepers... Jackbaby hates his crib, and it wasn't worth the hassle... we all need our sleep and this works for now. Especially since he's a little nursing fiend at night so all I have to do is flop over and he latches on, gulps away, lets go, and we both flop over, never having fully woken up, LOL.
Osteopath is a GENIUS! She has slept for 5 hours straight for 2 nights now! And she seems happier! Thanks so much for the tip!
We were co-sleeping, but I'm just too worried about her coming to some harm in bed with me and DH refused to be in the bed with us for the same reason.. he slept in our bed for the first time last night
I'm so happy for you!! That's fab. I don't really know too much about craniosacral technique or cranial osteopathy, but have only heard good things about it for babies. I'm a chiropractor, and I loooove treating newborns (or older babies, or kids, or pregnant women) - it seems to work really well - but that cranial stuff is out of my scope of practice. I'm glad Poppy is feeling better. And you! Sleeeeeeep... bliss!
We heard all the horror stories about things happening to small babies while co-sleeping and I suppose if people are drunk or drugged or hugely obese it's a possibility, but for myself, I found that I was so aware of Jackbaby (or where he was in relation to me), even while sleeping, that it wasn't an issue. I also read somewhere that co-sleeping mothers are usually only about 95% asleep because of this awareness, but that the benefits of being only 95% asleep for a long stretch outweigh sleeping deeply for only and hour or two at a time. In the end, I think whatever works is what's important. We're happy with co-sleeping, other people do things differently. Who cares, right? But I bet it's nice to have DH back in bed with you.
Yes, I know what you mean, I always seemed to be awake the instant she moved but I just didnt feel safe. It was nice tho to co sleep with her. DH said he came into the bedroom the other night and she was awake and quiet in her cot just watching me sleeping
It's Jackbaby's first Christmas so the whole thing seems very special to me. My mum's here, has been since last week, and that makes it even better. Well, mum and step-dad - don't get me wrong, he's mostly lovely but it's mum I'm really excited to see. [frgin] She lives in Toronto and I live near Vancouver (west coast of Canada) so she's usually very far away and I miss her. We're doing presents on Christmas Eve and a huge turkey on Christmas Day, and other than that just relaxing and enjoying a hugely snow-stormy white Christmas. And you??
Aw, sounds lovely. I hope you get lots of quality time with your mum.
We're going to the in-laws for lunch, then back home. Its our first Christmas as a family too so its a bit different from the usual socialising we do, but its ace
You can't complain at that! I am starting to think I could try again, not yet obviously. The hospital never got back to me re a review, I've sent a letter to get my records and will wait till that gets back first.
. i am sure someone more useful than me will come along in a minute but there is lots of support out there post birth trauma- just make sure you get some!
and not at all a nice experience as the Doctor was not at all helpful and the consulant was not great either and I was new to it all!!
. Every birth is different - don't worry about the future, just enjoy your baby now! 
) i havent any exerience of what you went through except for the pain-killer withholding dance the midwives love to do
and the 2nd degree tear part
Your experience does sound v similar and its good that you can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I will try to push for counselling... [grateful smile emoticon] 
