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Mumsnet Discussions: Bereavement : I'm so angry with my dead mum's work colleagues (4 messages)
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Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By LaTrucha on Thu 20-Nov-08 10:06:23
My mum died 6 weeks ago and I'm really upset by the way her old work colleagues are not considering my family's felings at all.

My mum worked in the same academic department for 30 years. She had to retire in 2001 due to ill health through her drinking and they were not particularly gentlemanly about it, although she did need to go. Anyway, the thing I am cross about is: first, they orgnaised an obituary in the local paper but didn't contact any of the family about it. We only found out when a neighbour came round with it. Secondly, they are organising a memorial event for her but none of the family have been formally informed or invited. They seem to think we'll get the message 'through the grapevine.' AIBU to think this is piss poor?

Sorry, don't usually swear but I am fuming. I've sent them a very short email to ask for details. I don't even think they are going to be ashamed of themselves.

I've been expecting someone to call or email for days and I'm now just so upset. It may seem like a small thing but it feels so disrespectful to her let alone us.
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By christiana on Thu 20-Nov-08 10:12:58
try not to fume as it will just make you feel worse at a very difficult time

i don't see how it is disrespectful to her in particularly though i agree they should obviously have let you know details, but maybe it's a very work-type event and not really involving friends and family. i think it is quite nice that they are organising something for her 7 years after she retired.

try not to be upset, call them, say you're surprised they hadn't let you know, but don't send more emails etc it is so hard to work out the tone of emails

as you'll know important things matter and unimportant things don't at this time - sorry if that sounds so banal - try not to make difficult things harder, just give them a call, maybe there's a very valid reason, try not to get too upset
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By LaTrucha on Thu 20-Nov-08 10:15:38
I know, I just needed to rant.

The email I sent was polite and couldn't be construed as aggressive.

They are expecting us to come because they mentioned it at the funeral.

She remained an associate fellow of the department, so she was still involved in some ways.
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By christiana on Thu 20-Nov-08 10:17:27
so sorry you're going through all this. poor you.


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