Mumsnet members get a 10% discount from Boden (including free returns and free delivery), The White Company, sweaty Betty, Luxury Family Hotels, JoJo Maman Bebe, Siblu, GLTC, Bump to 3 (the official online shop for Grobags) and more. Click here for more info Join mumsnet here.
we are getting throu the days, some days I am not sure how to get out of bed or how life seems to carry on around us, but it does. Me and the kids are in menorca at the moment a place Steve loved, I promised Steve that we would come back here and go to his fav places, we have done some of them, I am very proud of the kids and how they are coping and I know Steve would be proud too.last night we were invited to a party at steves fav resturant, the kids were looked after very well and I was too, it is clear Steve marked many peoples lives. I am bracing myself to vist steves fav caves and also the beach where the kids want to write messages in the sand for their dad, I wish I could be as brave as our kids.
OJ, have seen you post several times this year. My heart goes out to you. But I honestly think you are very brave and from what I have read you are dealing with your bereavement with great courage and dignity.
Steve showed so much courage and dignity, he taught me a lot and I fully intend to do the very best that I can to pass these lesson on to our children, god I miss him so much, he would be bursting with pride if he could only see his kids and how they are coping, heck I am bursting with pride I just wished I could share it with him.
I hope he doesn't see everything, he would be shocked at the ironing pile for starters I think he would be proud thatwe are doing the things I promised we would, I promised we would take his ashes to the beach in lanzarote and I promised we would come to menorca, we have done those things, I promised to do the best I could for the kids, that is very much a work in progress thing but I know he would understand that.
we went to steves fav caves today and they were closed, so we went to the beach and all wrote a message in the sand for him, I have been putting it off but I was surprised to find that it was comforting, I think it helped the kids too. We fly home on Friday and it will be good to be back I have missed having friends around thou it has given me confidence to know that we have managed on our own.
Tis fab you have coped so well with all the children on this trip OJ. I am certain he knows exactly how you are getting along and must be so proud of all of you. Bet he doesn't give a stuff about the ironing . You are indeed an inspiration to us all and although I have rarely posted on your threads as I feel my words are generally inadequate, I do think of you and the children often and it helps me gain some perspective with issues trivia in my life.
thanks, thou no words are inadaquate, this is a very steep learning curve and not one anyone plans for, I know I said until death us do part but I didn't think it would actually happen, our situation has made a lot of people evaluate their lives and relationships and that is a good thing.
OJ- I am still watching for your posts, and admiring how you are managing. Menorca must be a heck of lot warmer than NG. I saw a gritter this afternoon! Take care of yourself.. travel back safely!
dunno about dignified, we just muddle throu! It has been cloudy all day and now we have a storm, thou it is still warmer than the uk. Robinpud we still need to sort out coffee at ikea.
OJ, don't sell youself short. You're one amazing lady. When are you going for coffee at Ikea? I may well come down and meet you if that's ok... make it a Thursday or a Friday and I'm there!
I am always in awe of you and the kids. You are fantastically strong, even though I'm sure you don't always feel it! Well done on having the week away.
I have typed out a reply and then lost connection so my phone ate it all. Yorkie we will do ikea you need to get some miles on your new car LGJ seeing death close up teaches us many things, we find joy in thinks that before meant little we find a sadness we didn't know existed and we find friendships we may have overlooked before. Bubble I know that you have faced the death of your son with dignity you have inspired me.
I have typed out a reply and then lost connection so my phone ate it all. Yorkie we will do ikea you need to get some miles on your new car LGJ seeing death close up teaches us many things, we find joy in thinks that before meant little we find a sadness we didn't know existed and we find friendships we may have overlooked before. Bubble I know that you have faced the death of your son with dignity you have inspired me.
oj.steve is still with you and the children.He will be smiling down on you all.He is giving you strenght by the love you shared.Just so very sad he had to leave you all.You are amazinly strong.I dont think i could be that brave.Steve lives on in the children.Just enjoy your life as much as you can.Happy for you MIL from hell has dissapered and not giving you so much grief.Just stay as you are you will get through .You have lots of very good friends.Take that that you are a very special lady.xx
no sadly MIL has not gone away she is still phoning the social workers manager demanding to see the kids, she says she has a solicitor and has been told to speak to them.
Hi OJ...hope you and the kids are enjoying your holiday? I was wondering how you were...hope the books have proven useful? I think you are an incredibly amazing and brave lady and your children are simply lovely. xxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am glad you foun comfort in writing those messages int he sand. I think f you and your children often. You really are doing admirable for those children.
thanks Hula am just doing the best that I can & have to hope that is enough. The paperwork stuff is sorted now I think, we didn't need probate in the end but thankyou for yours and your Dhs help & advice.
Glad you're ok OJ....slight hijack here (sorry!) but have you heard from Bossybritches at all? Just wondered if she's ok cos not seen around on MN for a while.
Messages in the sand...such a beautiful idea and like others have said...Steve is watching you and your lovely children all the time. I often think that of my Dad too. I'm sure he's up there watching me and tutting away and hopefully smiling too. xxx
no not seen or heard from BB, I will send her a text, hope she is ok. I often think Steve is watching us, I was painting the outside kitchen wall the other week and smiling cos Steve was a painter and I am sure he was shaking his head in disbelief and that I was using the wrong brushes! I find it hard to make choices and decisions without steves input, it's hard to plan for a future that he is not part of.
I am really not amazing I am just kind of ordinary, now the kids they are amazing and Steve was pretty amazing too, lots of people say I don't know how you cope & I wouldn't be able to do it, I thought the same way. Until faced with the harsh reality you think it is not doable, truth is there really is no choice, many people have walked/ are walking the same path, they show me the way.
Thanks OJ re BB...can you tell her I say hello please and I did actually start a thread in the chat section asking if anyone knew where she was!
You are amazing. You are amazing because of what you did for Steve during his last few weeks and, in particular, his last few hours. I am certain many people could not have done what you did. Many would have given up and put their partner in a hospice etc. What you did showed us all how much you absolutely adored your husband. xxxx
it was easy to do in a way because I knew that was what he wanted, what made it harder was the inlaws. It was right for Steve and the kids to be together and that is what we fought for, it helped to have the support of mates MN the care team and the mac nurse. Looking back I wouldn't have done it any differently, it was hard unbelievable hard to watch him die, but I am glad that I was there with him.
it was easy to do in a way because I knew that was what he wanted, what made it harder was the inlaws. It was right for Steve and the kids to be together and that is what we fought for, it helped to have the support of mates MN the care team and the mac nurse. Looking back I wouldn't have done it any differently, it was hard unbelievable hard to watch him die, but I am glad that I was there with him.
Oj, you helped Steve to the most peaceful end that he could have had, you were there holding him at the end and that will have brought such comfort to him to have you help him on his journey. The thing with the inlaws is a disgrace, but what's new eh? They are the lowest of the low, you are terrific!
OJ, I too have lurked and watched and cried through your year, and can no longer lurk without posting something. The problem is of course what to say, I have no words for my admiration, but you are really a brave and amazingly strong woman - such an inspiration. May you and your DC'n have a wonderful holiday, including all the memories that must be constantly coming to you. xx
you are all very kind, it has been a tough year really and there have been many adjustment made in our lives, lots of them unwelcome, this year has changed our lives and in some respects changed who I am, the definition of "normal" in our house changed massivly, none of us chose the cards we are given and there have been many times I asked for a reshuffle, we don't know what is round the corner. Lots of people have throu our situation stopped and taken stock of their own lives and that's no bad thing really. Today we are packing, tomorrow we fly home, boggles is no doubt looking forward to his flight.
I am so looking forward to getting home, I have so missed having a conversation with an adult, my mate tracey will be meeting us at the airport she is going to be hugged. Tracey has been over seeing the new floor & boiler and she says it is fab, she has moved abbeys bedroom as her old bedroom is going to be the girls ensuite up in their loft conversion. The kids are looking forward to going home, I am just nervous about the travelling bit, once we are safely on the plane I will be ok but for now I am nervous.
I hope you have got home safely OJ, I have been away for half term too, visiting parents. I hope all is well at home and you are pleased with all the work, I have been having some decorating done and it makes you feel more positive getting the house in order I think. I know what you mean about travelling, I feel nervous until I set off and then I am OK. I think it is another thing you are not used to having to do alone isn't it? There is so much to remember and do if you are alone. I really admire you organising 'proper' holidays, I still feel unable to face anything like that, I said to my brother at the weekend, the most I feel up to is maybe a week in Devon or Cornwall next summer, finances allowing.
. You are indeed an inspiration to us all and although I have rarely posted on your threads as I feel my words are generally inadequate, I do think of you and the children often and it helps me gain some perspective with issues trivia in my life. 
xxx 
