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5 weeks ago we lost our beautiful girl Tia. She was mearly 4 months old and the sunshine of my life. Her eyes would light the sky at night, and now our baby girl is gone.
I will be haunted forever by my last glimpse of her beautiful face
sending much love to you xxxxxx. There are girls here who will be able to stand beside you and hang onto you. Girls who know this pain all too well. I am so sad this happened to you. I will be keeping you close in my thoughts.
Sleep well baby girl xxxx.
A thing of beauty is a joy forever, its loveliness increases, it will never, pass into nothingness - John Keats
I put her down in her nursery for her afternoon sleep, and went about doing jobs, having coffee. All the normal stuff really. She didn't wake up and how i wish now i hadn't put her down. My arms ache for her,and the tears just don't seem to ever want to stop. She was perfect in every way and was our first baby. Neither of us can even go in her room and the door has been shut since they took her away
Oh Tiasmum, I am so so sad for you. Have you got someone you can talk to about this? It must be so very hard for you. Of course your arms ache for her. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. xxx
i know nothing anyone says can really help you now, but you had your beautiful girl inside you for 9 months, gave birth to her, loved her, protected her,dreamt for her..you'll always be her mum.
thinking of you and i'll say a prayer for tia tonight. take care
so sorry to hear about your loss, may god bless her precious soul and place his grace upon you at this sad time in your life. as scottish mummy said, dont keep it bottled up inside, talk about your precious girl
I am so so sad to think of you and your pain. I wish we could take some of it from you. I hope there are people who love you and want to listen if you need to talk. X
I am so sorry. Are you getting grief counseling? And you must talk to someone so that you understand that there is absolutely nothing that you could have done to prevent what happened and there was no way for you to have predicted it. the crying is important and essential, but counseling is too, please don't skip it.
Unfortunately there are quite a few people on here who know what you are going through. There are regular threads for bereaved mummies - the current one is here
I'm Tiasmum, but have changed to mummy, although i couldn't add an 's' for some reason.
My husband doesn't understand why i felt the need to share our grief with strangers lastnight, and made me turn the PC off. I don't understand myself, but i felt 'helped' by the fact there are other people out there who can understand where we are right now.
I am so sorry. Tragically there are people who do know what you are experiencing , and they are on here and can support you if you need it and when you are ready. If it helps you to share then do. Your dh is obviously trying to cope in a different way. It must be so raw for you both.
Tiasmum, it is totaly the right thing to share if you feel you want to. He might not feel its right for him but maybe its right for you.
When I first came to MN, I was struggling a bit with the way my life was. I have said it before....... I needed friends who were there anytime of day or night to hold me up and tell me it would be ok, empathise with the stuff that wasn't working, and I needed the anonymity. I didn't have anyone in RL who could fit that.
It marked the beginning of me getting on top of things again. I admitted to myself I had PND which was a big step. Being able to say it and still be accepted meant a lot. Until then, I couldn't even admit it to myself.
Now, I am much, much stronger, I even managed to get myself to counselling (from MN encouragement) which was a big step for me but so needed and so worth it.
Now, I have wonderful friends here who have helped much more than they will ever know. I have never met any of them.
Now, instead of leaning on everyone, I can be supportive when I see someone else falling apart.
Maybe your DH doesn't need this type of support but I hope he is open to see that we are not a bunch of computer geeks who lie........we are a supportive bundle of parents who share and try to help each other along the way.
I have two friends on the daily multiples chat thread who have each lost children. They struggle and they help and they cry and they laugh. We just do it together. We each have our stories.
I cannot get past that day however hard i try, and my mind is so full of 'what ifs'. If i'd let her sleep downstairs would she still be here, if i'd done anything differently would she still be here And i know the answer to these would be no, but it doesn't stop me thinking them. The only thing which brings me any comfort is visiting her and i do that every day. But as soon as i'm home i am too far from her and it feels like i've left her all alone. She was my baby
It is awful to think of it but it can be of help for some people to say goodbye. a friend who went through similar described it as if you are in limbo of not fully registering what has happened. your just can't allow yourself to believe it is true. the funeral was a bit of a milestone. it helped make it all real. this of course was incredibly painfull but it helped her move forward.
I don't think we will ever get over this, i can't see a time when this pain will ever get easier. I cry all the time, and have to avoid so many things which are painful to me. Even doing washing is painful without her little things in there And i walk about sometimes wanting to scream at other people going about their normal business. Don't they know my daughters dead
I have never been in this situation but I hope that one day you will find comfort on thinking back on all those lovely moments you shared with your darling daughter before she passed on.
It must all seem so bittersweet at the moment thinking of her and seeing all of Tia's things still there yet she is tragically gone.
I wish you and your husband the best of luck in dealing with this and my thoughts are with you both and baby Tia. xxx
I ddon't usually join these threads but I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I feel a bit naff but found a nice quote that I hope helps (if anything can)
'Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.' ~From a headstone in Ireland
She was wonderful and it pains me to talk about her in the past tense when she should be here with us . I've had a quick look at the thread i was directed to, but it's too painful to read at the moment.
I've never been in your situation Tiamummy but when you feel ready do talk about her. So many people don't want to mention the name of a child who has passed away and it must feel like they are not acknowledging their exisatnce. In our group for kids with CP there are 4 mums whose kids are no longer with us. Its been a couple of years but they like to talk about their kids and share the memories and they want us to ask advice and say 'what was X like with this?' I'm so sorry, just don't know what else to say.
i cannot express my sadness for your loss - I cannot stop crying. My heart goes out to you. You were blessed with an angel. She is still with you, just reach out and she will be with you. You have been blessed- because god gave you one of his angels to look after. Sweetie, I wish I could take away the loss and sadness.
You poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I dont know how you must be feeling never having gone through something like this. But I gasped when I saw your headline and cried when I read your post.
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