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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

1 2 3 4

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Surviving Twins

86 replies

RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 22:46

Perhaps we should chat here

.

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RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 22:49

psychomum5

Nearly 10 years

DT2 has always been told

he has grown up with it

He came to the funeral

We always talk about DT1

Just let him talk when he wants and show him photos

He has photo in his room

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MunchedTooManyMarsLady · 22/02/2005 22:49

you are a wise and thoughtful woman RTK. I was so sad to read about your DT. Hugs and kisses to you. Too many tears... I'm so sorry

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 22:49

Sounds like a better idea!

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milge · 22/02/2005 22:49

Didn't know about your twins, RTKM. Sorry for your loss. My mum is a surviving twin, and when she found out i was expecting twins, it freaked her out. She hasn't told me about it, my dad did, cos i wanted to know why she reacted so badly to news of my pg.

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RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 22:52

Thanks guys

We felt that honesty was the best idea

with DT2

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 22:53

how wonderful that you have photos for your son, and that it is not hidden. I don't have ant momento's for my son, not even any scan photos.

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JanH · 22/02/2005 22:54

I have read that actually most conceptions are double, and that one is lost at some point - dunno if that is true - but losing one at the very end, like Mr and Mrs bubble and kanga (and a couple of others on the bubble thread) must be the hardest of all to live with.

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RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 22:55

Sorry That must be really hard on you

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 22:57

I fully agree. As sad as I am, and the grief that I felt then, I realise thet it is nowhere near the grief other's feel when going thro the pregnancy, and plan to bring two babe's home, and then so tragically lose one.

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milge · 22/02/2005 22:57

Full term stillbirth is something so awful that find very difficult to imagine and wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I have spent all afternoon looking at my kids and thanking god for them

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RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 22:58

I am a complete basket case each time the month when their birthday is

we always sing happy birthday to DT1 as well and blow out the candles

DT2 always has his party in the next month [3 days later] cos I can't cope otherwise

Birthdays are very very hard

Family and friends don't really understand

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 22:59

It is hard in one way, but then I have him (altho I will never know he was a he, Max's comment, and my own feeling, say boy) in my heart, as does Max

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 23:00

I don't know whether to tell him about his brother tho, or at least, when to. Out of my other children, only my eldest daughter was recently told.

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 23:02

I send many hugs on the birthday thought's.
I at least don't have that, as obviously the other was lost early on. I do think about him on Max's birthday tho, and wonder what may have been.

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RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 23:03

IMHO I would tell him now

especially if his sister knows

He is 4 isn't he?

So it will go over his head really but if you wait it will never be the right time

Then he will grow up with it rather than a shock

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 23:05

I don't think friends and family can ever truly appreciate how mums feel about losing a baby, especially when losing a twin. Even I cannot apprecaite it in the same way

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RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 23:06

did you have a name for him?

If not perhaps choose one and then it may be easier then just saying baby X

You can then say your twin brother "John"

Mine is quite proud to be an identical twin

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 23:06

Yes, you are probably right. Maybe I will wait until he metions his other brother again, and approach it in that way

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JanH · 22/02/2005 23:08

This whole twin thing makes me so sad - imagining looking forward to bringing home 2 babies, and in the end only having one. It is awful.

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 23:09

I have always thought of him as bubble, as that is how they both looked on the very first scan. I still kick myself for not having asked for a photo then, as the sonographer said that a later one would have more clarity.
Charlie always comes to mind tho....Max and Charlie have a good sound

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JanH · 22/02/2005 23:10

Max and Charlie sounds good

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 23:10

I don't think they would have been identical tho....my feeling has always been that had they been, both would have gone. Is that right?

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RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 23:11

The worst thing to say is

AT LEAST YOU HAVE STILL GOT ONE

Please do not say it to anyone

Or talk about having an only child if you know they have had twins

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RTKangaMummy · 22/02/2005 23:13

yes love MAX and CHARLIE

but yes bubble sounds good too

perhaps Charlie Bubble

like Max ....... and then whatever his 2nd name is

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psychomum5 · 22/02/2005 23:14

YES....AGREE FULLY!!!!!

You don't want to feel that one is a consilation. They were two, and always will be.