Explaining death to a three year old

[didireallysaythat]

I need to explain to DS2 why we are going to grandma's on Wednesday for granddad's funeral on Thursday. He is at the "why" stage and has asked what die means (in relation to a dog) which ended in a bit of a mess (my fault) and him thinking its some kind of hide and seek game.

I know he won't grasp what's going on and DS1 and DS2 will be excused the crematorium part of the day ("why are the curtains closing mummy ?") But any suggestions on how to get the concept over - more for my MIL's benefit (although she'll understand) as currently he thinks we're going to visit grandma and granddad this week.

I realise I'm worrying about things I can't control. But I know that the collective wisdom of mn is a wonderful thing.

Thanks

[Penano]

Hi I'm sorry for your family's loss. My DC lost a grandparent at a similar age. I tried to talk as openly as I could about it, explaining that FIL had died because the Drs & nurses tried everything they could but couldn't make him better & that when that happens your body stops working. I just found I had to repeat the same over & over for a couple of weeks, keeping to the same message. We read some books - Badgers Parting Gift by Sue Varley, but to be honest the concept was hard to grasp. I didn't say anything about cremation and just vaguely explained about him being buried in the churchyard. It took a while, but DS coped amazingly well. He still asks questions & still misses FIL, understandably. I just make sure DS knows he can talk about it anytime he wants to. I didn't talk about heaven as I didn't want to confuse him or create a place in his mind where he thought he could go to see his Grandfather, despite this he still thinks he is in the sky & will occasionally draw pictures of him sitting on a cloud! I hope your DC are ok, it's a tough & confusing time for them

[EugenesAxe]

My great grandad died recently; my two are 2 and 4 years. I don't think they truly 'get' it until older, but I said it means your body stops working; you can't see, hear, speak or move anymore. You could try saying after a body dies it's put in a place where it can go away to nothing but with a stone saying the person is lying there, so other people know to be respectful. Of course that might earn you another why?...

I am very sorry about your Dad (or FIL), and hope the funeral goes well.

[ComradePlexiglass]

Big Bird and Mr Hooper could be somewhere to start maybe? I find it moving, anyway. So sorry for your family's loss.