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Bereavement

Marking wedding anniversaries after a parent dies

5 replies

ToFollowJulie · 18/08/2014 14:04

I wondered if anyone could give me any advice. My dad died 2 months ago and my parents would have celebrated their 48th wedding anniversary this week. My parents never really celebrated their anniversaries publicly (other than their 40th) and would usually just exchange cards and perhaps go out for dinner. I don't really know how to handle this day. I can't spend it with my DM because it's GCSE results day and I need to be at home with DD1 as she is changing schools. DM lives 200 miles from me. I ring her every day as it is, so I will definitely be talking to her, but I wondered if I should send a card or flowers or something else to let her know that I recognise it's a difficult day. On the other hand I don't want to intrude on what was never really my day anyway, IYSWIM.

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AMumInScotland · 18/08/2014 14:29

My parents didn't really make a big deal about their anniversary either. but DH and I sometimes sent them a card. The year my dad died, we sent my mum a card, just to sort of let her know that we were thinking about her particularly that day.

I doubt your mum would think of it as 'intruding' even if it wasn't something you would normally have marked.

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MrsCosmopilite · 18/08/2014 14:49

My parents did celebrate their anniversary, usually just with close family.
When our mum died, we used to take Dad out on their anniversary - so that we 'marked' the occasion. After Dad died, we (the remaining family) go out to acknowledge the anniversary. We do this on their birthdays (or as near to as possible).

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ToFollowJulie · 18/08/2014 14:58

Thank you. That's really helpful. I think I'll send a card. A card will also make our telephone conversation easier as she won't be wondering whether or not I've remembered. It all just seems so unreal.

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NCISaddict · 18/08/2014 15:03

My Mum died 2 weeks before what would have been their 50th wedding anniversary. We took some lunch round for him and just chatted. Don't think he wanted to make a big deal of it but we wanted him to know we hadn't forgotten.
I realise you can't do that but just mentioning it when you speak to her will hopefully make her feel you have remembered and a card (although perhaps a blank card with a message rather than Congratulations on your anniversary) will I'm sure be appreciated.

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ToFollowJulie · 18/08/2014 18:44

Thank you for all the advice. I have sent a (blank) card with a picture of somewhere we had all visited together on holiday, saying I'm sorry I can't be with her but reiterating plans we have for other dates etc.

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