We just lost a baby at 17-weeks. The baby had Edwards syndrome so we made the heart breaking decision to end the pregnancy and I gave birth to Alex last Sunday. It's likely that we're not going to try again so our 3yo will not have the sibling that we wanted for her.
She knows the baby is gone and not coming back, but she still keeps asking if she can be a big sister. We don't quite know how to answer this. I've said yes, that she can still do "big sister" things like draw the baby a picture , or I was thinking she could help us launch balloons on the due date/birthday etc. But we've also said that no, she won't be a big sister because the baby's gone. And so we're not sure how to answer her questions.
Also, I'd hoped we could continue to remember the baby, eg at important dates like her birthday and Christmas, but have been told this would be cruel to our 3yo and that I should move on. Is there a balance that doesn't mean she's living in a shadow growing up, but allows us to remember the baby that we wanted but couldn't have? It doesn't feel right to just pretend the baby didn't exist, or hide my grief away.
Any advice appreciated.
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Bereavement
Just had miscarriage, how do we deal with 3yo who wants to be a big sister?
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user301204 · 16/08/2014 20:28
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