I have ncd for this as its a bit outy and sorry this has turned out long and rambly as apparently I even struggle to type about it.
My mother and brother died in a car accident when I was a young child and as a family we barely spoke of them since. My family are very good at bottling feelings and everyone tiptoed round protecting everyone else too much so as a result I still really struggle to talk about them without getting upset.
I now have a 3yo and 1 yo and have never mentioned my mum or brother to them. My dad has remarried and my 3yo is aware that she is not my mum so has started asking questions, and also asking where DHs dad is as he lost his father when he was a teen. Im ashamed to say I have distracted him every time as I dont know what to say. I know I need to talk about them, I dont want to pretend they never existed, but I dont want him to know that mummies sometimes arent always there, I cant bear the thought of him thinking I might die. I realise I cant protect him forever but I he has no concept of death at all and I wish I didnt have to introduce it.
I should have just talked about them all along as now I feel like I have to sit him down and do some big telling him talk, which I think will be the wrong way of dealing with it. I have realised that my family have conditioned me too well, and Im in now in danger of doing what I always said I wouldnt do I always swore I would be more open with my children. In a lot of ways I am, but this maybe a step too far for me.
Does anyone have any advice?
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Bereavement
How to stop repeating the past - talking about death?
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GruffaloShampoo · 15/07/2014 16:36
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