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Bereavement

Stupid practical question re condolence cards

3 replies

PacificDogwood · 04/07/2014 23:33

MiL died yesterday.
It was peaceful and expected, her children were by her side.
I am going to travel 400mi tomorrow with out children to support my DH.
We are all going to be staying at his sister's who obviously also lost her mum.

Should I take a card for her with me?? I would of course write to her if we were not going to see each other, but as I am going there, should I still?

We come from a not-card-writing family, so I struggle with getting this right Blush.
Sorry to be trivial, but all answers gratefully received.

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Tobagostreet · 04/07/2014 23:46

No, you will not be expected to give a card.

You may RECEIVE cards (addressed to DH, you and DC's) but defo not expected to give.

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PacificDogwood · 05/07/2014 00:04

Oh, ok, thank you.

I feel that she is 'more' bereaved than I am, IYKWIM? She was her mum, my mother in law - we got on fine, but had not been close in the last year of her life when dementia and then distance (moving to live with my DSiL) took her away Sad.

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Goldmandra · 05/07/2014 22:53

My MIL died a few weeks ago and I found it rather strange that I was included in all the bereavement messages. I know I was close family in law but I hadn't lost my mother.

We weren't close so perhaps it would have felt more appropriate if we had been. I have been an awful lot more sad for my DH and DDs than for myself.

I've been the one dealing with all the practical arrangements and I've realised this was a good thing because some of the people on the other end of the phone have stumbled badly over expressing condolences. Much better for me to have heard them than either of her sons.

I'm sure a hug and an 'I'm sorry' and the fact that you are there will count for far more than a card. Just take yourself and support them.

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