Two weeks ago. I get short times when I can bear it but I'm a mess. I have mental health problems, but not allowed any support (long story) and my best friend was trying to help me. In fact she did loads for me, wrote letters/emails/contacted social services because she was so concerned. She rang me every day, got me to go out, do things, pursue my legal case because I couldn't see the point anymore.
And then suddenly she was gone and it's like the world just stopped except it didn't and I don't understand why everything seems so normal 
She died alone, no family or anyone near by (she lived a long way from me for the last few years) was found two days later when police kicked in door after employer wondered why she hadn't turned up for work (she would always phone, and worked in the hospital so they would know if she was admitted). No one knows why she died, there's still a question mark over that.
I'm struggling to function. If I do sleep (combination of prescription and over the counter medications, which probably isn't a good idea but nothing else works) then I dream of her dying alone. Every day something happens I want to talk to her about. I've managed a couple of hours around people without breaking down but after I fall to pieces. My GP said she was really sorry. There's nothing she can do.
I keep being told it's been two weeks you should be fine, or in the case of one person this afternoon just find another. But I don't want another friend I want her. I miss her so much. To make it worse this Wednesday is the anniversary of my other friends suicide and is always extremely hard.
I don't know what I expect from this thread, I hardly ever post on mumsnet, I just wanted to see if anyone could understand maybe.
Thankyou for reading.
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Bereavement
My best friend died
Becca19962014 · 30/06/2014 22:10
I'm sorry for your loss Becca
Grief has no timescale, and I hope that you can take some small comfort in remembering how kind a person she was and how she believed in you in tough times. That she touched your life and enhanced it when things looked bleak.
Nothing helpful I can add I'm afraid but take care 
Two weeks is nothing! Ignore anyone who says you should be feeling better by now. Take each moment as it comes, cry as much as you feel like, and you will get through this.
I don't want to pry becca but there must be some support you can have losing someone that meant so much to you is so horrendous you shouldn't have to go through it alone.
Please try not to dwell on your friend being alone when she died. The reason she died may have been so sudden she wouldn't have even been aware of it. Don't torture yourself like that. You didn't know she was going to die there is nothing you could have done.
Please also don't listen to what others say. Grief is personal and takes as long as it needs to take in whatever form it needs to take.
I lost my brother. It was a suicide so a little different. I can tell you that you never get over losing someone you care about. You adjust over time because there is nothing else you can do.
Be kind to yourself. Your friend obviously cared about you a great deal. I think she would like you to keep going. Keep fighting and do it for her.
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