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Bereavement

Helping DP cope with the loss of his mum

3 replies

caledonianclown · 23/06/2014 13:30

DPs mum has been battling cancer for the last 3 years and is at the end of her fight. The hospice called this morning to ask the family to go in, DP is there now with his brothers and I'm at home with baby DD waiting for him to ring. What do I say to him when he does? I offered to go to be with him but he said he'd rather I didn't as it would be too upsetting. We went to see her yesterday and I couldn't stop crying, she has been so lovely and supportive of me, making me feel so welcome in her family and taking on my DS from a previous relationship as one of her own grand children.
I'm so sad myself, but really want to make sure I support DP as I know he will be utterly devastated. How do I help him?

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Joysmum · 23/06/2014 23:49

We buried my FIL last week after a week of knowing he was dying and taking turns to ensure he wasn't alone.

I just said, 'come here baby' and I held him whilst DH cried. Didn't do much talking unusual for me reassured him he was doing the best he could and how that made me love him more.

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LuckyBitches · 24/06/2014 10:19

I'm recently bereaved, and my partner was really helpful in the following ways:

He told everyone the bad news, so that I didn't have to. That took a lot of pressure off.
He was there for me, and responsive to my needs, i.e. left me alone when I wanted it, talked when I wanted to talk etc.

These may seem like small things, but they were a huge help to me. From your post it sounds like you're going to be grieving too, so don't forget to look after yourself too!

xxxx

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caledonianclown · 25/06/2014 12:23

Thank you both for your replies. She passed away on Monday afternoon with all 4 of her sons with her. DP is doing ok, I'm not sure it's really sunk in yet and we have to wait almost 3 weeks for the funeral as this is the first available slot at the crematorium.

I've taken your advice and just tried to be responsive to his needs, I have also told friends and people close to us who I know he would want to know but can't find the words to tell them. Hopefully this will help him a bit...