how do I help my daughter help her friend??

[psychomum5]

My eldest daughter is 12. Her best friend is about to lose her grandfather.....one that she is extremely close to, and also my daughter has been fairly close too.

My daughters friend has this year been thro a very hard deal.....her parents have split up, her brother has been diagnosed with severe crohns disease, her mum is obviously finding things very hard (it is her mums dad who is dying), and her great grandfather had a stroke last week, and so he is also very ill.

I have had a flurry of phone calls yesterday and this morning from DD's friends' mum (who I am also good friends with. I too know the family well, so I am also finding it hard to know the right things to say/do)....and so far the only one who S (the friend) feels able to talk to is my DD. In fact, yesterday and this morning the family has not known how to cope with her and so my DD has been called there to calm her down.

The grandad has been given 24hrs.

My DD is finding it hard going....she is going to be there for her friend, she wouldn't do anything but be there, but she is so young to know how to 'be there' (IYGWIM?).

DD has been to the grandparents on sleep-overs...throughout the past few years has been there at least twice monthly for dinner/b-b-q's, and they have even given her pocket money, so she knows them well.....she has been friends with S since they started school, and best friends since they were 8! It is a long history really.

This is also the first death that my DD will be fully aware of.....we have had deaths in the family but none that have been realy close, the last close one was when she was 3yrs and so one she barely now remembers going thro.

This is a big thing for her.....she is the only one there for her friend and also she is going to be greiving too.
I am also very sad by it all....in tears now just typing, and I want to help my DD and also try to help my friend.

Another worry, altho I am guessing it will 'flow', is that both DD and I will be wanting to go to the funeral and this will be the first time DD has been to one. I can explain what to expect, but I am concerned about how it will be to her.....and the fact that she will be seeing her friend so bereft.

Any advice?? And thankyou in advance.

[Beauregard]

I cant really advise much but i wanted to say that i was in a similar situation when i was about the same age ,a friend of mine lost her dad quite suddenly to cancer ,i can remember her mom calling me on the day it happened .The only thing i did was to be there for her and i did stay over at her house for a few weeks because her mom thought that it would help ,which i think it did because i was 'there' for her iykwim?.We talked about it lots and she cried lots ,i just did what i could but mainly i just listened.
I lost contact with her when we left school ,shame really.