My Niece, stillborn yesterday 21/8/06

[Sharpe2626]

My sister, who had been trying to conceive for about 4 years, finally conceived a child last December. Her due date was 17th August (last Thursday). I have 4 boys of my own and was desperate for my sister to experience the joys of being a mum. Last Friday we had a conversation where she asked whether it was normal for there to be less movement. As with any questions she had I said I was sure it was fine but if she was concerned she must contact the midwife/labour ward. She was out for the day on Saturday and on the way home realised that she had not felt any movement for several hours so they went straight to the hospital. The doctors and midwives could not detect a heartbeat and nothing showed up on a scan. My sister decided to have the labour induced straight away and after a very slow start gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl in the early
hours of yesterday morning. We were all at the hospital with her and were able to spend some very special moments with her and her husband and their precious baby daughter. They are home now, we have all returned to our homes from the hospital and just feel lost. At the hospital we had one another to support and we felt close to one another. I am at home trying to get back to a normal way of life with my boys. I want to help my sister but have no idea how to or where to start. My mum is with her but I feel I can't phone because I dont know if that is the right thing to do. It looks like the funeral will be next week. How do you cope with something like this? Can anyone give any practical advice?

Thanks

[Fimbo]

Sorry I have no experience of stillbirth myself, but I read your post and wanted to say I am thinking of your sister and your family.

[ComeOVeneer]

Like Fimbo I have no experience of this, but couldn't read your post and not add my sympathies

[Charleesunnysunsun]

I have no experience im afriad but i wanted to send my thoughts to your family. x

[MrsCapedCrusader]

So, so sorry for your whole family, I have no advice but I'm sure someone will be along soon with some.

[expatinscotland]

I'm so sorry!

There are several posters here who have experienced this firsthand.

So I will bump this for you.

[CarlyP]

i am so sorry. no experience, but wanted to say i am thinking of you. maybe look on the SANDS website for some supportive ideas.

cx

[CountessDracula]

I am so sorry Sharpe

This happened to my mum with my elder brother. I don't think she has ever really got over it but lives with it.

All you can do is be there for her

[clairemow]

Ditto. What a terrible thing to happen. I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel.

I did a quick google search on "stillbirth support" for you, and found this charity, the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society - see weblink below. From looking at their website quickly, they seem to have support networks for people recently bereaved, and there is also a helpline - 020 7436 5881

www.uk-sands.org/

[coggy]

Sharpe...I am so sorry for you and your sister.

A similar thing happened to me.
We took nearly 5 years ttc and then on my DSs due date he went quiet as everyone told me babies do.
I went into labour and then the midwife couldn't find a heartbeat.
I was also induced and gave birth naturally.

Did the hospital take some photograph of your lovely neice?
Has you sister given her a name yet?

We have our DSs photo in a frame in our bedroom and also a memory box which is fanatastic to look through - happy and sad.
In it we have the scan photos, his hospital card, wrist bands etc.

Let me know if I can help in any other way.
thinking of you both.
X

[Scoobydooooo]

I myself have no experience of this & i am so very sorry for your sister & her dh & also your family, this is a very hard time

As someone has said there are others on here that have been through this very sad situation who would probably love to help you xx

[mosschops30]

So sorry for your sister and your family sharpe, cant imagine how you must all be feeling.
My mum went through 2 stillbirths before me and she has never got over it, but things were different in those days, so she never named the boys properly or buried them.

Encourage your sister if she can to name her little girl, and have photos if possible.

So sorry for you

[Sharpe2626]

My sister and her husband have named her and lots of photos were taken of various family members with her and of my sister before and after the labour. It was hard knowing that my sister had to say goodbye and leave her at the hospital. There was a knot in the cord so that was probably the reason for this but they are going to make further enquiries. I have a small picture up at home and my boys have all seen it. They are young, though, so I am not sure if they understand it really.

[pinkpyjamas]

Hi Sharpe2626. My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time. Someone has already mentioned SANDS - they are a fantastic support network, and really helped us. We lost our son at 24 weeks. I found coping with all the practical elements really hard - arranging the funeral, wording the announcement in the local paper (this helped as it ensured people knew before I went back to work, let acquantances know etc), trying to find wording for the headstone in the children's cemetery etc. I know I would have liked help with the practical things more. My family were great, but lived at the other end of the country. Another thing that still helps to this day is that we got a little baby book together with photos, a lock of hair, fingerprints and footprints etc. And of course, you will be there for your sister once the intial days have passed, and when everyone else seems to have gone back to their normal routine - that was the time I found hardest. HTH. Take care.

[sunchowder]

My sympathy goes out to you Sharpe and to your sister and family.

[kimi]

No advice to offer, except let her know your there for her when she needs you to be.
Im so so sorry that what should have been a wonderful time for you all has turned out so tragiclly.

[ScummyMummy]

How awful, sharpe. I'm so sorry.

[FoghornLeghorn]

Sharpe, I have no advice and no experience of this but I couldn't not post. I am currently 6 months pregnant with my second child and the thought of having a stillbirth has absolutely terrified me this time, there have been quite a few threads posted over the last few months of people experiencing this.

I am sorry, it just doesn't bear thinking about

[ledodgyrobespierre]

So very sorry to hear this.

[lucykate]

so sorry to read this. my brother and sil had a stilborn baby girl in may at 31 weeks into the pregnancy. no problems all the way along, then one day, she just stopped moving. hospital confirmed the worst and she was induced 2 days later. coping is something that only comes with time, practically speaking, best way of offering help is to do things like, cook, clean etc for them. just turn up with cooked stuff they can freeze and use as and when.

[kate100]

Very sorry to hear this
As others have sadi a friend of mine found SANDS very helpful after her dd was stillborn.

[Manoo]

So sorry this has happened to your sister. As pinkpyjamas said, I think being there for your sister once all the initial shock is over is one of the most important things. I lost my son at 17 weeks, and although I felt supported at the time, none of my friends and family ever mention his name or refer to what happened and that is one of the hardest things. Your sister will want to keep her baby's memory alive for ever, so DO mention her name often in the future (don't think that by mentioning her name you will upset her, it will be more upsetting to not bring her up in conversation).

[Thomcat]

So so sorry. I don't know what to say, just feel so sad for your poor sister and her DH and for all of you guys. So sorry

[MrsFio]

so sorry

[SherlockLGJ]

[Kidstrack]

so sorry your family are expierencing such a tradgedy, this happend to my gorgeous nephew 3yrs ago, the cord was triple wrapped round his neck, my sil was due in the april and i was due in the may, i had a lovely dd and felt so much emptiness for my brother and sil, we have planted a tree with a plaque that we visit each year and we fundraise for stillbirth charities, this is a small comfort to them.