How do I tell the kids Grandma is dying ?

[boyzmom]

My grandma ( my kids great grandma ) has just had a major stroke and is really poorly. Apart from being devestated myself I have to explain to my boys why nana isnt at home and why she is in hospital. She is too poorly for them to go and see her but it is hard to explain the situation to them. They last saw her 8 days ago when she was playing with them and cuddling them.

[Joolstoo]

How old are your boys?

Can you say something on the lines of her being very tired - did they know your grandfather? can you say she wants to be with him?

sorry, I'm not much use, I've never had to do this.

[SherlockLGJ]

Poor you....This may be of some help to you.


WATERBUGS AND DRAGONFLIES

(A Parable of Death As A Transition To A Better Afterlife)

by Doris Stickney
Pilgrim Press, 1982 New York (ISBN - 0829806091)


Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft muc on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?" Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. "That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second water bug. "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third. No one had the answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise," they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and fallen onto the broad, green pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered the promise: "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why."

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water. "I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies, too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful world of sun and air!

[kimi]

Oh boyzmum im so sorry.
My FIL had a stroke a died 8 days later, DS1 was 4 at the time and they were VERY close, FIL had been at me house that morning to pick DH up for work and had been planning what type of guy to make with DS1 for our yearly bonfire.

We told DS1 that grandad was poorly and in hospital (DS1 wanted to see him, and we allowed it, although FIL was on mechines, we told DS1 that there were tubes for medicen and air so he would not be scared.) If you feel it would be unwise to let your children visit, tell them she is poorly, and gone to hospital, and get them to make her pictures that you can take to her,

When we got home i told DS1 that grandad was very poorly and sometimes when people were very very poorly that god sent an angel to take them to heaven, where they could be with jesus and not be poorly and tired or need medicen anymore.
(DS attends sunday school so this was a help).

When FIL passed a few days later, i picked DS1 up from school, took him somewhere quite and told him that Grandad had got more poorly and tied so god had sent an angel and grandad had gone to heaven, and would keep an eye on him from there.

Sorry if not much help,

[boyzmom]

Thanks Sherlock LGJ and Kimi - sound words of advise which i will definitely use - just praying I dont have too.

[Tommy]

sorry to hear this boyzmum. Do your DSs know anything about death at all? I'm just asking because DS1's godmother's Dad is very ill at the moment (similar to your grandma) and she told DS1 that he was very poorly and DS1 said "Is he going to die then?" She just said "Yes - he might die soon" So she didn't actually have to tell him IYSWIM, because he asked first.

Before the DSs' great grandfather died, I did a book search on Amazon and bought a few books to help children with bereavment and read them to them just like story books to help them prepare.
Can't remember all of them but one good one was called "Badger's parting Gifts" which was just lovely.