Can't cry

[Jossie]

Had first mc in April(at 6 wks pg), mc for second time last week whilst on holiday (missed mc this time, 10 wks pg, baby had stopped at 8, just after I'd had an early scan), ended up in hospital due to haemhorragging then up with ERPC. Was away with friends, so kept a lot of how I felt to myself, plus DH a DSx2 couldn't get to hospital with me. Now I find I can't grieve, but cry in places like Tesco when I can't make a choice / think straight.
Want to be able to let it out

[mimi1uk]

just wanted to say sorry and send u a big hug! i know myself it does help to have a big cry, i lost my ds, nearly 2 years ago, and had a big cry last night! sometime, it takes time to sin k in, and then it all hits u at once xx

[mimi1uk]

and sometimes places like tesco make it so much worst as everyone is goi ng about there business with no idea to the pain and agony u r going through!, i used to wanna burst into tears all the time someone new spoke to me, xx

[Jossie]

Thanks mimi, I keep suppressing an urge to tell everyone I meet about it as an explanation as to why I'm not on this planet at the moment. Closest I came to crying was when I phoned up today to cancel the 13 week scan.

[mimi1uk]

its is so hard sometimes im always around one mumsnet on msn if u want a chat xxx

[kimi]

(((((hugs))))))

[rubles]

Jossie,
I always found that when I was near someone like dp who could give me a hug then I didn't cry or need a hug. When I was on my own & usually in public, I would find it coming over me unawares. It is still coming over me unawares now 7 months later, but much less often. It might be because I am being typically British and crying feels so self-indulgent, (although I do actually think crying is good and healthy).

Maybe talking, talking, talking about it might help. Maybe doing things that your conscious mind might feel like are 'wallowing' things might help (writing letters, making memorials, planting flowers). Another thing I found was that reading other people's stories about their m/c on here made me cry more than my own story.

I spoke to a woman at the m/c association this week and she said that often women cope in the early days when focussing on the physical aspects of the m/c but the emotional aspects take longer to come out and sometimes only surface later & then they take us by surprise.

Also, it's very very early for you. You are probably in shock still.

xxxx

[Jossie]

Things are coming out more now, but more as anger and also impatience with my boys ( not good as it's summer hols) have decided to book them into childcare tomorrow, to try to give myself space to think and talk with DH

[Jossie]

Think it's all coming out a bit now-have just got up as can't sleep, getting upset as in ten hours time I should have been having my first scan, instead I'm 3 weeks on from 2nd m/c.
Not helped by the fact that DH is feeling guilty and in a mood with himself that DS2 had a bit of an accident today while he was looking after him.
Hope that I'll feel better after tomorrow