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67 replies

Quootiepie · 08/08/2006 10:41

Hiya...
I wrote in the Feeling Depressed section but was told my post would be kinda more suitable here. Baby would have been 1 tomorrow

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liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 11:03

Hi quootie, I remember your recent thread well. It's ok to feel sad, take some time out tomorrow and maybe go for a walk or something. Also don't just expect DH to remember - he probably won't- so remind him and tell him you feel sad and can you have a hug. Big virtual from me. It does get easier with time - promise.

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Quootiepie · 08/08/2006 11:05

thankyou... i just dont want to go on a downwards spiral... its taken nearly 18 months to get this far.

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Tyedye · 08/08/2006 11:06

Message withdrawn

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Quootiepie · 08/08/2006 11:09

just the circumstances make it... awkward.

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liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 11:42

Hi again. If by 'the circumstances' you mean the way in which your pregnancy eneded then look back at your previous thread again - it's ok to be sad and you need to grieve. Perhaps tomorrow will be a good symbolic day to start that process and give yourself permission to be sad.

Did you call that counselling service at all?

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Quootiepie · 08/08/2006 11:47

HV is sorting specialist councilling - I starting crying when she was here.

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liquidclocks · 08/08/2006 11:57

I hope it works out better than that useless person you saw last time. Fingers crossed 'specialist' means someone with a bit of experience dealing with women in your situation.

A step in the right direction though - good for you and in the long run your baby and realtionship with DH.

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Quootiepie · 08/08/2006 11:59

yep, hopefully it will help

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Quootiepie · 08/08/2006 17:41

bump...sorry

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jamiesam · 08/08/2006 18:06

Quootiepie - just been looking you up on feeling depressed to check - I guess you had an early m/c? But I'm not sure if you have a child from before or after the m/c?

I had a m/c just before last xmas. I got loads of good advice at that time about acknowledging that I had lost a baby - it's not JUST a m/c, although very few people (incl many dh's) seem to realise how intensely painful and personal a m/c is. On advice, I decided to go and visit my mum's grave and plant something there, in the way of an acknowledgement that I had lost a baby. As it happens I never did plant the plant, but I did have a long chat with her about her two missing grandchildren. I now know that I can go and chat to her any time I like about the m/c - something that's never quite so easy with real people! Others had planted something special in their garden and used that as a place to go and reflect/cry/whatever.

I have to also confess that what really worked for me was getting pg again and I was very lucky that I did so quickly. Though this is a stressful and nervous pg - even now at 29 weeks, it helped enormously on what would have been the babies due, 22 July.

Ds is demanding tea so have to go, will try check back later.

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Quootiepie · 08/08/2006 18:11

I had an abortion. So this is 100% self- inflicted really. Baby was due August 10th, 2005, and I got pregnant in late June with DS. That did help, and it also made me feel worse at the same time. Im baby obsessed now... id love another one! I cant get any comfort from thinking there was nothing I could do about it, to prevent it, because I could.

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jamiesam · 08/08/2006 19:44

quootiepie, I'm sure you shouldn't be thinking of this as '100% self inflicted'. I don't know why you had the abortion, but that doesn't mean that you're not allowed to be sad and to hurt now.

Whether you m/c or have an abortion, it's a baby that could have been. I know logically that if I hadn't m/c my first pg or my last one, I wouldn't have ds1 and 2 and I wouldn't be pg now. So I should count my blessings, and think of what I do have. But of course, we'll always wonder about what might have been.

And however you 'lose' a baby, you'll always wonder if you could have done something different - could you have magically changed your circumstances so that you could keep your baby, should I have not gone for a walk when it seemed obvious that I was having a m/c, should I have rested. It's no good to torment yourself, though I think it might be worth exploring with a counsellor exactly how you came to make the decision and why it was right at the time, however painful now.

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liquidclocks · 09/08/2006 11:05

Morining Quootie - just wanted to let you know you're being thought about. I know you're probably feeling quite sad today, I hope you get through alright. Also from what you said on your other thread this wasn't 100% your fault at all, you had lots of outside pressure and very difficult circumstances - you made the decision based on what was happening around you. Please don't make yourself feel guilty.

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Quootiepie · 09/08/2006 13:38

im as thick as two short planks... I was totally convinced yesterday was Wednesday... tomorrow is "the day"... ill blame my hormones Nice to know im being thought about anyway, thankyou xxxxx

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Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 13:19

DH has gone to work now

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Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 21:20

bump?

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Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 21:35

im falling off the page... bump again

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Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 21:36

Are you okay, QP?

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Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 21:39

without wanting to sound a loon... no.

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Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 21:40

Oh dear. I am sorry, this must be very hard for you.

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Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 21:44

yeah... trying to hold it together TBH. I had two diazepam last night to help me sleep so I cant really have many more. just home alone with DS... its horrible.

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Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 21:46

I feel a bit useless, as I have never been in your situation, but didn't want you to ignore you, as this is obviously a tough day for you.
I hope someone with more experience comes along soon.
Take care.xx

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Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 21:47

thank you xxx

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Lemmingswife · 10/08/2006 21:48

Sorry, X posts.
I really feel for you. When is DH home?

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Quootiepie · 10/08/2006 21:49

12 ish

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