hard few days...does it get easier?

[MerlinsBeard]

had missed m/c on 1st june (thought we were 10 wks but baby had died at 6), had awful time with it being incomplete and epu being heartless.

lots of friends having their first scans round now and seems like everyone i meet is telliung me their "great news" that they are pg.(don't get me wrong it ios good news but i can't handle it very well when they go on and on about it)

This weekend we are going on holiday and usually i would be half packed by now and we would be living in whatever clothes weren't goping with us, but i just can't do it. Should be standing at mny wardrovbe in a strop because i have no clothes that fit coz of my bump (as apposed to coz i need to lose some weight) and i should be worrying about travelling all the way to devon at 17 weeks pg in this heat.

prob just being stupid but am really finding it difficult this week and its taken me by surprise

[LaylaandSethsmum]

Mumofmonsters, you sound absolutely normal to me. You do need to allow yourself to grieve, your lloss is no less than anyone elses.It is hard when others are announcing their pg isn't it? You know you should be happy for them but it really hurts and them you feel guilty. Think about you for a bit, look after yourself and , in time, things will get easier. I never thought it would but it does!!xx

[MissChief]

oh you're not being stupid at all,MOM! i'm really sorry to hear your news - been there myself and i know how hard it it, esp when everyone around you seems suddenly to be pg, or even worse if you tell them and you hear things such as "don't worry, you can have another one, can't you?". It's not the same though,is it? you need to take time to having lost this one. Dont' know what to suggest, apart from be kind to yourslef, try to do things you enjoy -walks, chilled glass of wine, nice bath..
don't worry about what you should be doing/would have been doing if you can stop yourself.
BIG HUG!

[MerlinsBeard]

sorry for typos, have fat fingers today

[PrettyCandles]

It's so horrible when things remind of 'what should have been'. I don't think that you can get away from it. Try to let it go by you - accept your grief, it's legitimate, but try to focus on what will be. Nothing stupid at all. Miscarriage is gruesome and miserable.

I didn't know until a long time later, that I had announced my second pg to a friend a couple of weeks after she had miscarried at about the same stage as you - ie just before she was ready to announce. It wasn't until I went through a miscarriage as well that I realised just how brave and generous a soul my friend had been to allow me to share my good news with her and to accept it.

You are a stronger person than you realise. If it hurts to hear your friends' news, then congratulate them, be happy for them, but if it becomes too distressing then tell them so. Nobody wants to give pain, especially not in the guise of good news.

Please try to enjoy your holiday, and try not to dwell too much on the should-have-beens. Perhaps next week will be a gateway to a new and refreshed spirit for you.

[toadstool]

It does get easier (now 3 months since my missed m/c). Strange thing is there are weird triggers: felt fine about doing fun pg chat tonight with someone who has a due date a month after what should have been mine (no problem at all, a couple of twinges though), but 2 days ago I felt like crying in the gym, all of a sudden. I think what helped was people 'in the know' who said 'It's a bereavement', and who treated me like someone who had a lost someone close. Because it is what's happened, and it does help to have that acknowledged. Take care of yourself.

[gingernut]

MOM, I really feel for you. I had a spell like this too. It was Christmas and I'd planned to tell people our news by writing a note in the cards (I'd have been about 5 months by then) but of course I'd had a m/c. All the cards we received, it seemed, informed us of friends' bumps that were due around the same time ours had been. It was a really hard time, my lowest time really, about 2 months after I miscarried.

I think it's really normal to go through bad patches. It will get better.

I hope you have a good time on holiday and manage to relax and have fun.