i'm crying as i type this, and .....oh i dont know.
Hubby and i tried for dd for a long time. Eventually was put on clomid at the same time as discovered underactive thyroid. 3 months on, bingo. We're pregnant. At 9 weeks sent for early scan as suffering a small bleed and mega cramps. Baby ok. re-scanned at 11 weeks. Its twins. omg!!! all our christmases had come at once, our longed for child, was two longed for children. We were on cloud 9.
At 16 weeks was scanned, and only one heartbeat. Just an empty sac where second baby had been. Why???????????????????? No one could explain, other than that the baby had been re-absorbed. Huh???
Two weeks later - mega b;eeding - rushed to hosp. Sent back home and told to go for scan nxt day - baby fine. Success fully deliver healthy dd at 38 weeks (following 20 weeks of sheer terror).
But i still feel the loss of her twin. Today im crying because she has had a presentation at pre-school, and i just imagine her there with a sibling. She is and always will be (3 further failed clomid attempts) be our only child. And i love her with my very being - she is everything to us. But I miss her sibling. Even though i dont know what sex it was, or anything i miss it!! And I just feel so sad....
Dont get me wrong, i am grateful for dd, but somedays i just wish with all my heart her sibling had survived and i feel so sad inside. Her birthday and Christmas i feel the same Happy but sad at the same time, but at the moment i feel like crap....
How do i let go of the baby i lost????
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How do i let go of this.....
2 replies
mrsjaja · 17/07/2006 13:40
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