How do i let go of this.....

[mrsjaja]

i'm crying as i type this, and .....oh i dont know.

Hubby and i tried for dd for a long time. Eventually was put on clomid at the same time as discovered underactive thyroid. 3 months on, bingo. We're pregnant. At 9 weeks sent for early scan as suffering a small bleed and mega cramps. Baby ok. re-scanned at 11 weeks. Its twins. omg!!! all our christmases had come at once, our longed for child, was two longed for children. We were on cloud 9.

At 16 weeks was scanned, and only one heartbeat. Just an empty sac where second baby had been. Why???????????????????? No one could explain, other than that the baby had been re-absorbed. Huh???

Two weeks later - mega b;eeding - rushed to hosp. Sent back home and told to go for scan nxt day - baby fine. Success fully deliver healthy dd at 38 weeks (following 20 weeks of sheer terror).

But i still feel the loss of her twin. Today im crying because she has had a presentation at pre-school, and i just imagine her there with a sibling. She is and always will be (3 further failed clomid attempts) be our only child. And i love her with my very being - she is everything to us. But I miss her sibling. Even though i dont know what sex it was, or anything i miss it!! And I just feel so sad....

Dont get me wrong, i am grateful for dd, but somedays i just wish with all my heart her sibling had survived and i feel so sad inside. Her birthday and Christmas i feel the same Happy but sad at the same time, but at the moment i feel like crap....

How do i let go of the baby i lost????

[Toady]

Was not sure whether to post this or not but I gave this to my friend when she miscarried, she printed and framed it, you do not need to let go, time will make it easier.

For those few weeks-
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
To be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
And to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks-
It wasn't enough time to convince others
How special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
And no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny, unfinished baby,
Or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?
You were just those few weeks my little one
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer-
And give me a small glimpse of eternity.

[mrsjaja]

THanks toady - now im crying again. I know its not about letting go - i just watch my dd (she's 4.9) and wish............Is that awful????

The last 20 weeks of my pg were literally errifying, but i would have done it all over again if i could.

I just wish.......