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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My friend commited suicide.

22 replies

jenk1 · 15/07/2006 20:24

Last week.

I have not seen him for about 3/4 years but we used to be close, we worked together and then had a relationship but it only lasted a couple of months but even after then we were still good friends.

He was the most funniest person i have ever met, full of life and so bubbly and im absolutely gutted, especially for his parents and sibling.

There are a few of us going to his funeral on Tuesday.

I want to write his mum and dad a letter telling them what a lovely son they had but i dont know if this would be appropriate at this time.

OP posts:

Report

sparklerswollenbruisedandfedup · 15/07/2006 20:26

jenk1 - how terribly sad.

neena28 · 15/07/2006 20:26

might be very upsetting now for them to read but I think it would be something for them to reread when they are less raw and so I probably would write.

Such a shame that he felt that way.

Hope you are Ok, you must be extremely upset.

beansprout · 15/07/2006 20:28

I'm sorry to hear of your loss jenk1.
I've lost both a friend and a relative to suicide and it's very, very hard. My friend actually wrote a suicide note to me and I think it a particular form of grief as I swung between utter compassion and attempting to understand they had to do it and rage at the fact they had.

lucy5 · 15/07/2006 20:29

So sorry, i would write, I think later on his parents would really appreciate it.

cupcakes · 15/07/2006 20:34

I'm so sorry. I would definitely write. They might not read it now - or find it difficult to - but I'm sure it will be a great comfort to them in the months and years to come.

Mercy · 15/07/2006 20:39

Jenk

Write the letter for yourself first. Let the first wave of grief pass, and then write a letter for your friend's family.

mousiemousie · 15/07/2006 20:47

Write the letter

Was he bipolar?

jenk1 · 15/07/2006 20:59

I dont think he was bipolar, certainly i never saw that side to him and i worked with him every day for over 5 years.

I do know that he drank a lot, he was seeing a girl who dumped him, so he went to work abroad to get over her and she got in touch with him and asked him to come back and dumped him again and i know he was devestated but that was about 6/7 years ago.

I was told that he was depressed before he died and so im thinking that this must be the cause, on his obituary they are asking for donations to a childrens hospice, so maybe something happened to a child that he knew, i dont think he had a child himself though.

i dont know, i have sat here going over and over it in my head, wondering what it could have been to make him do this, i just feel so sorry for his mum and dad and family.

OP posts:

trinityrhino · 15/07/2006 21:00

I think the letter would be a good idea
to you

mousiemousie · 15/07/2006 21:05

Very hard for his family, what a tragedy . Is there anyone you can ask for more backgound as to how he was before his death?

zephyrcat · 15/07/2006 21:05

Jenk I'm so sorry to hear this. The same thing happened to me a couple of years ago - my best friend from school took an overdose. She was depressed and we believe that it was the side effects of the anti-depressant that made her suicidal... could that maybe be possible with your friend too?

I would write the letter - I often think about my friend and wish I had done something like that for her Mum and Dad as I was quite close to them whle we were growing up but as we'd drifted apart a bit I was never sure about doing it.

Might be better to wait a few weeks though?

Adorabelle · 15/07/2006 22:05

SO sorry jenk1.

Write the letter, death generally makes people
feel awkward & they don't want to talk about it
cos they might upset a loved one of the person who has died.

When my Dad died suddenly at 36, recieving a letter off of his best friend telling me how much
he loved him & how he would miss him cos he was
So special was the thing that keopt my spirits
up most.

Hope you get through this tough time without too
many tears x

Beauregard · 15/07/2006 22:09

I am sure that his parent's would appreciate a letter like that because it will show that he had an affect on other peoples lives .My parent's had several letters when my sister killed herself.

spugs · 16/07/2006 14:42

a friend of mine killed herself a few months ago after suffering from depression for years - she was only 27. i know that its really helped her mum to talk about it and have her friends share there memories of her. her dads the opposite and doesnt want to speak about it. everybodys different but i dont see how a letter can do any harm

DollyP · 16/07/2006 22:29

Really sorry to hear this jenk1. I would definitely write the letter - it will be a great comfort to the parents to know how much he was loved by his friends.

Take care.

hulababy · 16/07/2006 22:33

So sorry for the loss of your friend.

The letter sounds like a lovely idea. I am sure his parents will treasure it.

jenk1 · 18/07/2006 18:03

It was my friend,s funeral today. It was very very

They played his favourite song and 2 of his friends payed tribute to him, i was crying my eyes out, i saw some people that i havent seen for years and that was nice but i have come away thinking why?
The vicar said that he died of an illness-alcoholism and that he was very depressed, he was only in his early 30,s and was such a nice guy.

OP posts:

Adorabelle · 18/07/2006 20:49

Sending you much Love Jenk.

I have been thinking about you since you posted
last week. I hope things get easier as time goes by. I found talking, Lots & Lots of talking, helped when I lost my Dad to alcoholism.

It all seemed so senseless but being able to talk & to have someone who really listened was
invaluable.

You're in my thoughts & prayers.

jenk1 · 18/07/2006 21:13

Thanks Adorabelle, i have drafted a letter to his parents and am going to send it in a couple of days, his mum was very calm at the funeral but his dad was crying, its hard to see a man cry and it was very upsetting

OP posts:

Adorabelle · 20/07/2006 21:25

Not sure if you are around Jenk1 but if you are
I hope you are ok.

Seeing a man cry is heartbreaking, I see my girlfriends cry all the time but men just don't seemto cry like us. So when a man does cry you know that he's crying not just beacause he got a dodgy haircut.

Again still thinking of you & will say a little prayer for you tonight. xx

Adorabelle · 21/07/2006 12:22

bump

fullmoonfiend · 21/07/2006 12:52

Think you should write the letter - suicide makes people feel even more awkward around the brereaved, people really don't know what to say or how to act around you and to have someone telling you what a fabulous, special person their son was, can only be a positive thing. However, maybe you could enclose the letter in an envelope inside a sympathy card, and tell them what the letter is, so they can choose to read it 'later' IYSWIM.

I'm so sorry for your loss

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