one month on...and emotionally just collapsed

[desperate2bmum]

it is exactly one month today since i found out my baby had died. i thought i was ok...looking to the future and ttc again all the excitement it brings untilme and dp went to the pub..a girl came in and i overheard her saying to her pregnant friend she was due 25th december..one week after me..i aw her bump and completely broke down.. left the pub and spoke to a relative about 10 mins ago..and fell to pieces on the phone WHAT IS GOIN ON?! i thought i was over this and now im filled with tears i feellike such a baby crying down the phone..tears wont stop..dp is asleep...he doesnt understand the pain im feeling one month on

[mumandlovingit]

my heart goes out to you.i mc'd with my first child and months after i still got upset over silly little things, even up to the time of when i was supposed to be giving birth.some days are better than others, you need to take things one day at a time.being upset one month on is certainly no crime, wake him up and have a cuddle.if he doesnt understand then ring a relative or girly friend who might.dont cope with it alone.if you need to, visit the doctors.some people cant cope and find it easier to have a mild form of antidepressent for a while just to help them through, councellings a good idea too, just to help you talk through things, especially if there was no reason for the loss like there wasnt with mine.it will be hard but it does get better i promise.dont give up on the idea of another child but make sure you give yourself time to grieve for the one that you've lost first.dont grieve alone.look after yourself, make sure that you put yourself first.he's probably bottling up his feelings about the loss too, try to get him to open up to you and grieve together.

[foundintranslation]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, d2bmum. I went through my second mc this week. I'd had ds in between so had 'forgotten' a lot of what I felt and went through after the first one. Now it's sadly all coming flooding back. I can tell you that it is very normal to have ups and downs, to suddenly find oneself filled with grief after you'd thought you were doing OK. Maybe also you looked so determinedly forward, as a way of getting through, that your grief was 'pushed aside' a bit and is reasserting itself now. It's alright, cry, the tears will stop eventually, but it is important to let them out. Cry with me if you want/need to. xxx

[desperate2bmum]

thankyou both for your kind words.
i did have a very big cry and called my mum to talk. it helps and i got everything off of my chest. and now i feel fine again and looking forward.
its awful how these things toy with your emotions i just want to be in control of my body again.
FIT im so sorry to hear of your loss and i hope your agony subsides soon i dont really know what words of wisdom to give you if any but just i know how you are feeling and likewise if you need to talk i am here xx

[cece]

d2m

I am 3 and half months down the line after missed mc and it is gradually getting better. Still getting upset but the bursting into tears is stopping. I find the hardest time is when I get my af. Not very nice at the best of times but now also a reminder that I am no longer pg.

[desperate2bmum]

yes cece i know...i had my first a/f and i was over the moon because it came 3 weeks after m/c and thought right thats it fresh start ttc again....now im obsessing over these bloody ov sticks. i brought them in the spare of the moment just to "make sure my body is back to normal" as i have read after a m/c some women dont ovulate. i am on cd11 and still no sign of ov yet.

[cece]

My other problem is that dh does not want ttc as the pg was an accident. I don't think he relaises how much I would like another. pg made me realise but I suspect it made him realsie the opposite!

[bramblina]

Oh d2bm I'm so sorry. IME (4 mcs) you never get over it, you just deal with it better. It's 4 yrs since my first (on the 22nd) and it still hurts if I think about it. Don't be hard on yourself, your life has changed and you will need time. Have a good cry, god only knows what you've been through, and unfortunatley I don't think men will ever understand because what I experienced is a lot of hormones which as we know are far from our control. Even when you have a good day you'll feel sad, but it is true, time is the greatest healer, and you will get there. Easy for me to say, I know, but just take your time. I'm so so sorry for you. XX

[CorrieDale]

Cry all you have to. Sometimes I used to wonder if I had a never-ending well of them - can still cry now at the memories , even though I have my beautiful son. I think acceptance of the pain helps. You'll cry and cry again, but if you fight it the tears only only hurt more. Bramblina's right. Trust in time.