Advise on bullying brother to my widowed mum

(6 Posts)
Sickberyl Sun 06-Oct-13 13:37:17

Hi, this is my first post. I could do with some advise please. My dad died 3 weeks ago and I have found out, from my mother, that my brother recently stole £5,000 from them. He is now living full time with her (he is 54) and I am worried. He is a verbal bully and she feels intimidated. I live 5 hours drive away. I'm wondering if anyone else has had to deal with a similar situation please?

ChanelTunel Sun 06-Oct-13 16:01:01

I'm so sorry about your dad.
I am in a similar position regarding your mum. My sister(52) and her family(2 children plus abusive husband)moved into my mothers home 2 years ago. They live there rent-free,and neither of them work. They tried to alienate us from my mum. Luckily we live nearby,and drop in every week.
All I can say is,make sure that you speak to your mum every day,and get her friends to call round,to make their presence felt.

sooperdooper Sun 06-Oct-13 16:03:10

Is there proof enough of the theft to go to the police? Would you or your mum want to go down that route?

sooperdooper Sun 06-Oct-13 16:03:52

Sorry and meant to say so sorry for your loss, it must be a very difficult time for you

Sickberyl Sun 06-Oct-13 23:36:03

Thanks ChanelTunel I have been ringing her every day and that is helping I think.

sooperdooper no she won't tell anyone else about it. She has bank statements with money going out to paypal and amazon, which neither of my parents ever used and the other way he took the money was cash point withdrawals so no evidence.

The thing I really need to settle with myself is that we (my brother and I) are both executors to her will, joint and severally, so he can do things without my agreement. I am speaking to her about changing that to a third party, but I need to take this slowly as asking a mum to go against her son is difficult.

I am most concerned about him getting power of attorney over her as he did with my dad (in conjunction with my mum). My dad had parkinsons alzheimers. This was done without my knowledge and I am worried about him doing that again. I am thinking about going to her solicitor to discuss it, but worry that he will just think I don't like my brother. I had a telephone conversation with the solicitor earlier this year to understand what jointly and severally meant and he basically said that we (my brother and I) just have to get on with each other!

The main thing I want to do is prevent him from being able to get power of attornet.

I am thinking Citizens Advise? What do you think?

P.S. It is really helpful to just speak with someone else about it so thanks again smile

ChanelTunel Mon 07-Oct-13 17:19:11

I'd be interested to see what advice CAB give you,Beryl. I visualise my sister's DH encouraging her to go for power of attorney at some point. At the very least,they'll be squatting there,when anything happens to my mum. It's sheer greed,as they already own property abroadangry

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