help please with what to write for mum who has lost her baby at 36 weeks.

[malodorantemelly]

Just so sad, dh's cousin has lost her baby at 36 weeks. She was having trouble throughout the pregnancy, and was due to have him early last week, but was sent home because of busy hospital I presume , to be told the next day he had died. Can't imagine how they are coping... she gave birth to him on monday.

The only thing we can do from here is send something.
What do I write , should it be a normal condolences card, and should I send flowers now or to the funeral?

[jamsambam]

i would just be honest and tell them you ar ethere if they need you. they might appreciate some help with the baby things if you are going to visit.
good luck XX

[dublindee]

God how
If they are religious, and you think it appropriate, I'd send a novena of masses for a year to be said for their baby. Otherwise jsut a normal condolences card with an offer of help if they need it.

How truly terrible for them to experience that loss so close to the due date.

[Marina]

If she named him, put in the card "we are so sorry that X died".
A lot of bereaved parents find the well-meant reluctance to speak of the dead baby directly and by name upsetting IME.
A normal condolences card will be fine MM and your gesture in writing it will be appreciated.
Check with the undertakers about the flowers policy. Often parents choose not to have traditional flowers at a baby's funeral because the coffin can be dwarfed by many florist's arrangements . Your cousin-in-law may also possibly prefer to have donations sent to a charity in her son's name.
It sounds from what you say as though on top of their grief they will have to deal with the fallout from getting the hospital to make full enquiries into why she was turned away
I hope someone has already put her in touch with SANDS . As well sympathetic support from their helpline she may get some specific advice on making sure she gets some answers from the hospital.
I am so, so sorry to hear this

[eenywifemum]

I think everyone else's advice has been good so I don't have anything to add - just had to say I am so sorry about this. I don't know how I would cope & I really feel for them. Just don't shy away from talking to her about the baby if she wants to talk.

[malodorantemelly]

thanks Marina, I will pass on sands website address to them, when I send the card. Just looked at it myself and I cannot believe so many babies die each day in the UK, it is just so sad.

[malodorantemelly]

It is a little harder for me as I do not not know them that well. But I will offer what help I can from afar.