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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

My wonderful, amazing granddad has died

22 replies

LollipopViolet · 28/09/2013 08:25

He was basically my dad. I live with my mum, my uncle (her brother, who is disabled) and my grandparents. I've never met my dad, so he was basically dad and granddad to me :(

I've had a thread going on in Chat here

I've had a cry, now I'm just... numb. I keep thinking of all the practical stuff, and just can't figure out how we'll be OK...

R.I.P Granddad, your little favourite loves you xxx

OP posts:

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/09/2013 08:30

sorry to hear this

LollipopViolet · 28/09/2013 08:50

I've just seen my gran cry for the first time in my life (I'm 23). Me, mum and gran held each other in a little circle and let it out.

Apparently he was very peaceful, which is good to know.

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fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/09/2013 08:55

I'm glad you have such a lovely close bond with your mum and gran and that he was peaceful :)

Galena · 28/09/2013 09:00

I'm sorry to hear this, Lolli, but at least he was peaceful and didn't spend a long time suffering. The message your gran passed on to you shows me he knew and had made peace with it. It hurts, of course it hurts. xxx and hugs

LollipopViolet · 28/09/2013 09:05

Yeah, I knew as soon as mum passed that message on last night. I text my gran to ask her to tell him I love him very much, and that he's like a dad to me, and she text back saying "he knows", so although I didn't visit him yesterday (and regret that) he did know how I felt about him.

Poor mum and uncle have been up all night - I got to bed around 12.20 this morning.

I nearly ended up going to Swindon for the day earlier - I'm a massive ice hockey fan and our team are playing down there tonight. But it'd be an 11.30 - 12am return home, and we all need our sleep tonight! Will be at the home game tomorrow, in my usual voluntary role - he would've wanted me to go and be surrounded by friends.

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PolterGoose · 28/09/2013 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LollipopViolet · 28/09/2013 10:01

I just spoke to my best friend - she's amazing, has contacted some other friends for me, and has offered her house as a sanctuary later if I feel like getting out and about and seeing her. Other friends have text, and asked me to pass on their love to my family.

I just can't believe it. I've still not told work, I don't know if I need to, or if I'm even entitled to any time off, or what to do.

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Imnotaslimjim · 28/09/2013 10:36

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss Lolli, you must be devastated

As to the practicalities, inform work as soon as you can, explain the family situation (that he raised you as your father) and you might be entitled to bereavement leave

LollipopViolet · 28/09/2013 10:45

Work knew of his illness, and just yesterday I was telling my immediate manager that things had deteriorated and that the next two days were critical. Said manager isn't in today, and I've only got his mobile number, so think I will wait til Monday morning, then phone the main office number.

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Whatdoido5 · 28/09/2013 10:48

Hugs. I'm so sorry.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 28/09/2013 11:00

Oh, I'm so sorry, Lollipop. Your lovely granddad, I'm sure he was very proud if you.

LollipopViolet · 28/09/2013 13:12

Work now know - manager is being nice, asked if there's anything he could do to help. Just going to have to steel myself and get through Monday I suppose.

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LollipopViolet · 28/09/2013 13:35

Is it normal to be numb? Most of the time I'm not really feeling anything, I'm almost in a daze.

I've just spontaneously had a little cry. I'm all over the place. This does not bode well for the next few days - especially work on Monday on the phones.

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Thumbwitch · 28/09/2013 13:38

Lollipop, it is normal to be numb at this stage, yes. Little cries to start with then when the "shock" reaction wears off (and even though you were expecting it, it's still shock that your body goes into) you'll find you cry more.

So sorry to hear of your loss.

I don't think you are automatically allowed compassionate leave for a grandparent, but, depending on how nice your work are, if you tell them he was more like a father to you, they might let you have it.

ouryve · 28/09/2013 15:30

Hugs, Lollipop. I'm so sorry

LollipopViolet · 28/09/2013 20:00

Thumbwitch my work are lovely people, but not a lovely company iyswim? I'm actually looking for another job. We're also short staffed as another guy left, so there's really no chance of leave.

I really want to be involved in planning his funeral too, so I'm hoping they'll at least let me have half a day here and there, if needs be. Or hopefully I'll be in another job soon (have an interview Monday morning...)

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LollipopViolet · 01/10/2013 21:08

Hey, guess what?

I got through today without crying :)

me and my amazing granddad, when I was younger

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AintNobodyGotTimeFurThat · 01/10/2013 21:24

I'm so sorry Lollipop.

It's perfectly normal to feel numb.
It's also perfectly normal to cry all the time.
Everyone deals with things differently.

I am glad he was peaceful and knew how much you loved him. I am sure that was a great comfort to him - knowing he had a supporting, loving family who would do anything for him and miss him terribly.

I am sure you will all prepare an amazing funeral for him.
[HUGS]

Thumbwitch · 02/10/2013 02:17

Well done Lollipop - he looks like a lovely man. RIP Lolli's grandad xx

LollipopViolet · 02/10/2013 21:45

He WAS a lovely man, no one who knew him ever had a bad word to say.

Things got "real" today - the funeral director came, and left a load of information :(

I wasn't at home, which I'm kind of sad about - I wanted to be involved, but we've not got everything planned yet, so there's still time.

Part of me thinks I'd like to do a reading, but I'm not sure. And if I did, I'm not sure what I'd read.

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LollipopViolet · 08/10/2013 20:23

Well, it's all becoming very real. We've got a date for the funeral, and a cause of death (we got a post mortem). Disseminated thoracic malignancy - lung cancer :(

I've picked some music for the service, which has made me feel more involved, and I'm working on a poem I'd like to read, if I can. I'm also writing a letter to my granddad, and will ask the funeral director if I can leave it, and a photograph, with him.

I want to go and see him, but I'm a bit... scared? Nervous? I'm not sure. I know he won't look like him, he didn't in the hospital, so I can accept that. I think I'll regret it more if I don't go, like I regret going into work that Friday, when he died on the Saturday morning.

Just wish there was a guide on what to expect!

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LollipopViolet · 18/10/2013 09:06

went to see him yesterday - a very emotional thing, but glad I went.

Today is his funeral, please keep us all in your thoughts. I already know I'm not going to make it through the day without crying, but we are going to celebrate this wonderful man :)

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