We lost a baby boy during labour. last year. We're having another boy (scan was today) - We're happy but I'm dreading the 'didn't you want a girl?' comments

[bubble99]

That's it, really. We have three, and should have had four lovely boys but my DS3's healthy, full-term twin brother died at 39 weeks during a horrribly f*d up labour last year.

We had a scan today (I'm 21 weeks Pg) and hadn't really wanted to know the sex of the baby - but it was fairly obvious! I'm dreading fielding the 'are you going to try again for a girl?' questions as I've been fielding the 'what are you having?' stuff already with....'Boy or girl, alive, I hope. Thankyou.'

I was struggling today during the scan as it reminded me so much of seeing both of my twin boys alive..

Thanks for listening.

[LadyTophamHatt]

oh bubble...

[Tutter]

sorry today made you sad bubble.

boys are great .

[VVVQV]

OH bubble ......

Glad the scan went okay though. I know you must be happy that everything is going okay, but i cant begin to imagine how hard it was for you.

Ive no advice for fielding crass comments and questions.

((((((hugs))))))

[VVVQV]

Then again - did the sonographer confirm it was a boy?

[Posey]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
Can't help except for sending some virtual hugs.
I'm sure others will be far more help ....

[GDG]

Bubble - sorry today was hard for you.

It's horrifying that people would be so insensitive.

Congratulations to you - boys are fabbo (as you already know!) and you are truly blessed with all of them.

x

[beansontoast]

oh bubble....xxxx...i remeber your experiences of last year...the saddest saddest and incredibly moving posts ive ever read....xxxx

congratulations on your pregnancy

i just dont know what to sya to you...but i hope oyu get some of the mumsnet magic to help you through.

lots of love beans

[Nemo1977]

no advice for you bubble just lots of love and hugs...

[hunkermunker]

I thought of you yesterday and thought you must be having another scan around now. Bless him for being immodest

Do you think it will help knowing in advance - you'll be able to tell people and not have to field as many "oh, poor you, a girl would've been lovely, never mind, you can always try again" stuff (which really annoys me too, btw) just after he's born?

You could always have a T-shirt made that says "It's another boy, no, we won't be trying for a girl because we're scared of pink toys and glittery tops"?

Sorry, I'm being too flippant

You know how deeply I feel for you though, Bubble - think of you often, my love x x x

[megglevache]

Message withdrawn

[foxinsocks]

bubble

were you planning on telling people (the sex)? just pretend you don't know what the sex is and just reel out the 'a healthy baby I hope' line - that should shut them up

I think people ask the question (do you know what you're having) because it's a conversation starter with a pregnant person

hope you're ok - I'm going to pop in to the Marble Hill One o Clock club sometime in the next week or so and I'll wave across the river to you

[misdee]

congratulions bubble. wow, another boy. i hear boys are great fun.

try and ignore the comments people make.

[ComeOVeneer]

Bubble sweetheart, I haven't caught up with you for ages. Just want to send you vibes of strength atm. Ignore what anyone is saying, this baby is very special (as all are) and I trully believe you are a woman who can rule a roost full of men with no trouble [grin} .

[LIZS]

Bubble , can't begin to imagine the bittersweet emotions you are experiencing. Can't believe people can be so insensitive.

[Pixiefish]

Congrats on another boy Bubble xx

Hugs Bubble and I hope that no one will be so bloody insensitive as to ask such a question.

Hunker's response is fab btw

[Tessiebear]

Who CARES what ANYONE thinks Bubble - you have got a lovely 4th baby boy in there Hope it all goes well.

[milward]

thoughts to you xxx lovely news from your scan xxx

[monkeytrousers]

here here

[kalex]

Congrats Bubble, didn't realise you were pregnant!!

Ignore other people -- I love Hunkers response - that should floor people who are insensitive enough to comment.

[Yorkiegirl]

Message withdrawn

[Blu]

Bubble - could you just be very direct?
Just let their question land with a thud and answer such stupid questions with 'no' - and move on. Or 'I'll be happy with a healthy child, thank you'.

Is it people who DON'T know about the loss of darling Bo that you are dreading - or those (who should know better) who do?

As ComeOveneer says, special baby, special Mum, special family - front 'em out.

Have a stock of replies, and trip them out without letting it get under your skin.

And concentrate on being healthy and loving with your 3 lovely boys. What else matters?

[Lemmingswife]

Oh bubble
Congratulations on your little boy. I hope that nobody will be as insensitive as to make such a comment, but if they do, tell them "We are just so grateful to have a healthy baby, it doesn't matter what sex they are"
I agree that hunkers response is great!

[NotAnOtter]

Bubble congratulations ! As a mother of four boys - i have had to suffer the sharp intake of breaths when people hear what i have etc etc etc.. They are lovely boys ...lets hear it for boys
Enjoy the rest of your pg and prepare a list of short and-to-the-point retorts!

[bubble99]

I've got green stickers on my ante-natal notes with a teary eye with a baby in the middle of the pupil, which apparently denotes a bereaved mother/father. The U/S staff were lovely and I am happy that Elijah gets the little brother he should have had. Not his missing twin, but a brother nonetheless.

Thanks to all of you. I am finding this very difficult and Mr Bubble and I both said that, what should have been such a happy experience today, was so very sad.

[LilacWine]

{{{big hug}}}