Thoughts on words to wrte in card for my friend who lost her dad

[Thomcat]

The funeral was yesterday. Had card a while but not sure what to say.
He was diagnosed with cancer 6 weks ago. She is a quite a spiritual person.

Any ideas what to write in the card?
Any verses or wonderful quotes or anything?

[Miaou]

How about the "Death is nothing at all" verse? I'll see if I can find a copy if you like...

[Miaou]

Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
whatever we were to each other
that we still are
call me by my old familiar name
speak to me in the easy way
which you always used
put no difference in your tone
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together
pray smile, think of me, pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort
without the trace of a shadow in it
Life means all that it ever meant
it is the same as it ever was
there is unbroken continuity
why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you
somewhere very near
just around the corner
All is well

[WideWebWitch]

I really like death is nothing at all Thomcat, I found it v comforting when my dad died. Or there's the other one, do not stand by my grave and weep but I prefer death is nothing. Or you could just say I am thinking about you and I am here if you want to talk, I'd have appreciated that. A lot.

[WideWebWitch]

Here it is

do not stand at my grave and weep


Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sun on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there; I did not die.

[WideWebWitch]

Actually, don't send that, it would have pissed me off actually unless sent by someone v close. My sister sent it to me and I didn't mind but anyone else, well.

[Thomcat]

Thank you girls.

[Miaou]

I would just add that she is in your thoughts and you are there for her if ever she wants to talk.

[Thomcat]

Yeah I'll do that anyway hon', just wanted to write somethng that might...... well not help exactly, cos her dad dies, years before he should have and he won't ever see her children, when she has them etc. But sometimes reading a wonderful verse helps me calm and see things a little differently so....I wanted to offer her some words incase they do the same to her as they do for me.

[JanH]

He is Gone

You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your
back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes,
love and go on.
David Harkins


I like that for someone who's gone much too soon, TC.

[WideWebWitch]

That's lovely Janh, made me cry! (I am emotional tonight!)

[JanH]

Awwww, www

[Miaou]

Oh we had that read out at my aunty's funeral last month (again, died too soon). My uncle was going to read it but he couldn't without crying. It is lovely Jan

[2labs]

I like this one:

Gone From My Sight


I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white
sails to the morning breeze and starts
for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength
I stand and watch her until at length
she hangs like a speck of white cloud
just where the sea and sky come
to mingle with each other

Then someone at my side says;
"There, she is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull
and spar as she was when she left my side
and she is just as able to bear her
load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment when someone
at my side says, "There, she is gone!"
There are other eyes watching her coming,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,
"Here she comes!"
And that is dying.

(Henry Van Dyke)

[Thomcat]

Big lump in the throat JanH, thanks.

Really appreciate you all taking the time to type out all these words everyone, thanks.

[Thomcat]

ohhh2labs, that's lovely as well.
think I might make her a book of verse at this rate!

[KristinaM]

just wanted to butt in and say how helpful I have found these words. This week is the first anniversary of our DS's death so he is very much in our minds

[Thomcat]

Oh sweetheart, I'm so so sorry.

[JanH]

Oh, Kristina

How old was he? What was he called?

[slartibartfast]

When my mum died I found most moving were the cards that shared some personal memory of her - many kindnesses and other tales were recorded that I hadn't heard about before - and I leaf through the scrapbook of these eg on her birthday. So I try to do a similar thing for others.

[KristinaM]

sorry dont mean to hijack. his name was james and he was 16

[JanH]

My DS1 is 17, Kristina....how on earth do you cope with that?

(Don't worry about hijack, it's so hard to start a thread sometimes and TC won't mind )

[Axolotl]

Am a bit teary tonight and these have really set me off! Just wanted to say Thomcat that my mum died when I was only 23 (quite a while back now) and the biggest shock was that people are embarrassed about death. I found it very hard that people didn't want to bring it up in case it 'upset' me, but it was much worse to pretend it hadn't happened. There is a fear that you will make someone feel worse by bringing it up, but I really believe direct comments (unless of course they are insensitive) are important. So my advice is to contact her lots and encourage her to speak about her dad and how she feels. If she wants to, of course. But you'll get a feel for that if she does. I think you are a good friend, Thomcat.

[Axolotl]

Ha! Not of me, I mean your bereaved friend...blimey, sounded like some mad stalker then. Sorry!

[fairyfly]

ooooooooo, kristina, how shit, how shit, shit, shit.

Don't know what to say, it will just be ridiculous words.

I am in awae of the mother of my friend wwho died young, she is a star.

Thomcat, i wouldn't even try too much, just say what you feel and be honest, that's always a gift.

[mazzystar]

Did you know her dad? I think, if I could, I would write something personal - maybe about how you will remember about her dad, or about her relationship with her dad.