This is my first post on mn, I started writing this in relationships, but then realised it probably belongs here.
I lost my Mum two years ago, her death was totally unexpected and sudden. We found out through that dreaded middle of the night phone call. To make matters worse we lived overseas and had a 3 month old and 13 month old, so it took about 3 days to get home to the family.
We arrived back in the uk to find my family traumatised and barely functioning (except through alcohol, to deal with the shock..)
As a parents to a newborn and toddler, with that new born lack of sleep and extreme jet-lag, my husband and I found ourselves having to take the lead and provide emotional stability to the family, my Dad in particular.
The 6 weeks we had in the uk were hard....the worst of my life, I can't even put into words how it felt...To top it all off the (toxic) MIL used this time to raise all the "issues" she had with us including how she hadn't received enough attention at my Mums funeral, issues she had with how we had organised our wedding 5 years earlier, our selfishness at living overseas etc,etc.... To this day I still feel bitter that instead of receiving support during this time, the IL's just added more emotional pressure. We didn't receive any support with the children...my family were incapable and the IL's just cut themselves off. If it weren't for my husband, I don"t know how I'd have coped.
We returned home (overseas), and that's when I was finally able to start grieving properly. I was diagnosed PND put on medication and began to turn my grief into positive direction.
On the whole, I try to live a positive life, with the thought that that is how Mum would have wanted us to live - it's how she raised us.
The problem is, I still carry alot of bitterness. In particular towards the IL's and their complete lack of empathy....they still haven't acknowledged to this day that how they behaved was wrong in anyway.
Also, and I don"t really know how to put this into words. I just feel so alone. I guess part of it will be that being overseas with all our family in the uk, we don't really have a support structure were we live (apart from our friends who all have their own family pressures).
I have a great husband, amazing kids, a good relationship with my siblings and Dad, it's just that I feel there is no one who completely gets it. No one who actually cares that I haven't had a lie in since before my daughter was born or that day to day life is a logistical struggle. No one who actually gives a shit really. I feel exhausted, and bitter but try to put a front of positivity and capability for everyone. I just wish I had someone who would say, "how are you...no really, how are you getting on..."
I'm sorry for the self pitying post, and I'm not really sure what response I am looking for, but it's helped putting things in words.
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Bereavement
I feel so alone
8 replies
razzleton · 04/07/2013 05:35
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