Bereaved 3-y-o

[Granite]

Any advice, resources etc for a bright three year old who has just lost her mother to cancer?

[bramblina]

Oh I'm so sorry I don't but just want to say I'm so so sorry for you all.

[bubble99]

Lots of cuddles?

[controlfreaky2]

where are you? there is clinic attached to tavistock in london that deals with this sort of bereavement. lots of hospices have services / links with services for childre / families in this situation. they might be able to help. otherwise perhaps a good play therapist given age... dont know relationships but poor poor thing.

[Beauregard]

very sorry poor child

[B8]

oh god, it just doesn't bare thinking about. What about trying googling child friendly bereavement/cancer websites as they would maybe list storybooks etc.

[LeahE]

There's a charity called \link{http://www.winstonswish.org.uk/\Winston's Wish} that does a lot of work in this area and can provide support, information and resources -- 0845 20 30 40 5 for their helpline.

[Donk]

Mothers Union offer a counselling service to help in situations like this.
So do Cruse - they were brilliant with my godson when he lost his father at 2.5yrs......a counsellor spent time with him for about 2 years, helped him build a book of photos of his dad, etc.
They also have a .pdf download to help
Link\link{http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/wsd_children.htm\here}
Also there are some brilliant books/videos available to help you discuss feelings around bereavement with young children - try your local library service

[YeahBut]

A friend died of cancer 2 years ago and left a wife and 3 year old son. His closest friends collaborated to make up a memory-book for his son. We shared particular memories, funny stories and raided our photo collections for snaps of his dad over the years. It has become very important to him as it allows him to remember his dad and is a tool to help him talk about his dad with his mum (or anyone else for that matter) whenever he feels the need. Sometimes, he just wants to look at the pictures, other times he wants to hear the stories. Perhaps this is something that you could think about for this poor child. FWIW, with our friend's little boy, being able to talk about his dad whenever, wherever he needs to seemed the best thing. Children can't and shouldn't have to bottle up their sadness or indeed their love for a parent.

[izzybiz]

lots of honesty and allowing them to talk freely.

someone has already mentioned winstons wish, definately worth a look.

Very very sorry

[schneebly]

Oh, that is so sad. The memory book sounds like a lovely idea.

[suejonez]

Life books are used commonly for children who are adopted so you will find quite a lot of advice about how to make up one on the net. Its not a photo album its a story of someones life, photos school reports, where they lived while growing up etc. You can also make it a work in progress and the child can help create bits of it as they get older - helps them to be involved. They can "interview" differnt people when they get to 7/8 about what they remember of their mum.

My sister counsels for CRUSE, I think they're fab (I would, wouldn't I!), they could suggest shorter term measures with you

[Granite]

Thanks to everyone who replied on this. We've now got past the funeral and my grand-daughter is coping reasonably well but she's very angry and clearly doesn't understand yet that this is permanent.

[PollyLogos]

Granite, very sorry to read that the lady who died is so closely related to you I do hope that you and your son/son-in-law also have support.

I have no real advice for thiis situation but I do think when you feel up to it that the memory book idea is lovely. Thinking of you all.x

[bouncyball]

granite sorry to hear your news. There is an excellent pack of practical activities to help adults and children talk about loss called 'Grief Encounter' by Shelley Gilbert (not too expensive) and can be bought from Amazon. It does state its from 5 yr olds up but may be of some use to you.
Good luck

[Homebird8]

Granite, I'm so sorry.

There are some good books around aimed at very young children to help them understand what death means. They're not all immediately about human death but allow children to explore their feelings and what has happened without being prescriptive. Try "The 10th good thing about Barney", "Beginnings and Endings with Lifetimes in between", "Always and Forever". Your local library may have copies of these or others or your local infant school might be worth a visit (get them to ask their LEA resources people if not).

The other suggestions people have made here seem very sensible and the support organisations should have the sorts of things your little one may find useful.

Thinking of you

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Granite,

Children at an early age experience grief also.

Would suggest that Winstons Wish is contacted (website has already been posted for this by LeahE are very helpful).

Would also mention The Childhood Bereavement Network: 020-7843 6309; www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk

Would suggest also that a memory box is made up for this child's mummy. Put in everything you can think of relating to her; tickets to concerts, passport, photos, an item of clothing, letters with her handwriting on it, her scent. condolence cards. Infact anything relating to her, get her friend's memories of her and record them.

Talk to her as much as possible about her Mum. Use the word "died" rather than "sleeping" or "poorly" (as this can instill fear of sleep or being unwell in a child).

In the Sunday Times website today there is an exceelent article in there today about people experiencing bereavement of a parent when they were a child.

I will see if I can post a link.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

women.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,27869-2217203,00.html

The link in question

[littlerach]

A freind of mine died 18 months ago, leaving a 3.5 yr old, a 22 month old and a 5 month old. We made paper flowers and each wrote something that we remembered about her on the back.

her eldest, her son, was obviously devastated by it, and begged his granny for a hug from mummy.
Granny told him that there was a special box under the bed which kept hugs from mummy in.
he still opens the box when he needs a hug fom mummy.

One thing which has helped them all is to keep looking at photos of her, and to talk about her. Their dad has found this incredibly hard, but has done so, and the children still talk about mummy and things that they did.

Very, very sorry for your loss.

[milge]

I have nothing constructive to add, I just wanted to post to say that I am sorry for your loss.

[DebbsyandBibby]

so so so sorry for yours and your grandaughters loss (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

[financiallyembarrassed]

So sorry to read this. Sending positive thoughts, prayers and very best wishes XXX

[AtterySquash]

I think you might find this article in \link{http://guardian.co.uk/family/story/0,,1763615,00.html\The Guardian} helpful.

I'm so very sorry.

[butterflymum]

Three seems young but you would be amazed by what they take in and remember. If you can get a copy of it I would suggest reading this book to her and letting her look at the pictures:

\link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0688026990/026-8880351-6025254\Badger's?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21 Parting Gifts}.

I used this with my then 2.5yr old and 5yr old when my dad died a few years ago.

There is another very good list of helpful books that I posted a while ago on another thread. Perhaps if someone remembers this they will post a link.

[butterflymum]

Not the list I had in mind but it might still be of help

\link{http://www.birmingham.gov.uk/GenerateContent?CONTENT_ITEM_ID=2580&CONTENT_ITEM_TYPE=0&MENU_ID=5249\Bereavement: A Booklist for Children and Young People}

[butterflymum]

\link{http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/OnlineResources/ReadingLists/Bereavement/Bereavement_asp_ifega26155.html...and this list too}