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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

I cant believe I am writing this...

25 replies

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 24/04/2013 10:55

my DH's 42 year old brother hung himself on Monday morning, their other brother found him.

I don't understand it, I can't get my head round it....why did he do it??

My DH is absolutely devastated of course, full of guilt - he has already lost his mum and dad and now his brother! This is the third family member we have lost in 2.5 years :(

There was no clue he was going to do this - how are we ever going to understand and come to terms with it - complete shock and just so out of charecter!

OP posts:

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PetiteRaleuse · 24/04/2013 11:06

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that. :(

poppymagnum · 24/04/2013 11:09

So sorry - that must be awful for you both. Take care of yourselves.

HumphreyCobbler · 24/04/2013 11:10

I am so sorry to read this. How terrible for you all.

Startail · 24/04/2013 11:14

Hugs, it's just horrible and such a waste. An old school friend of my sister's killed himself recently at exactly the same age, Why?

Just such a waste. Be kind to yourselves.

LegoAcupuncture · 24/04/2013 11:14

What an awful thing to happen. So sorry Betty.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 24/04/2013 11:14

I'm so sorry Betty what a terrible shock for you all. I hope the coming weeks and months are as gentle on you as they can be

Beachcombergirl · 24/04/2013 11:17

I'm so sorry for your loss

Norem · 24/04/2013 11:17

So sorry op it is such a shock when this happens, especially when there are no known mental health issues.
I had an old boyfriend do this, he shot himself, he had just booked a holiday and bought a motorbike. I suppose what I mean is that sometimes I think men do it on the spur of the moment and when men try suicide they tend to use methods that dont fail:(
I used to work in a liver unit where we used to see lots of paracetamol overdose patients, some of them had planned it for weeks but some of them really did do it because of one acutely stressful day/ night.
It is so hard for the families, you are grieving and feeling confused/ angry at the same time.
Lots of hugs to you are your family x

DreamsTurnToGoldDust · 24/04/2013 11:18

Im so sorry Betty, how awful and what a shock, take care of yourselves, and please be kind to yourself xx

MerryMarigold · 24/04/2013 11:20

My friend's brother did this and it was really awful. He had 2 kids and a wife, but he had been depressed severely and treated for it for a long time (but it didn't seem to end). I think it was just his only way out of the depression. There's no words of comfort really, but you can google 'bereaved by suicide'. There are special support groups for family members of people who have committed suicide and stories of what others have been through. It helped me to help my friend better.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 24/04/2013 11:22

I'm so sorry for your loss x

NervyWervy · 24/04/2013 11:23

Am so sorry. Please be kind to yourself during this horrible time.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 24/04/2013 11:25

He had no depression, he was a totally stable balanced man, no issues at all.

I think it was a spur of the moment thing - he left a letter which made no sense. He had had a stomach bug all week and had been quite ill with it, lost a lot of weight, wasnt eating etc etc and in the letter he said he had cancer and it was too late to see a doctor and it was all his own fault. He nursed his dad through cancer and his mum through dementia and I think he didnt want to go through the same thing.

Why didnt he talk to us though - they were a close loving family, we would have helped him.

DH is praying the coroner report comes through saying that yes he was terminally ill and would have died anyway - I personally dont think that will be the case. He has thrown his life away for no reason at all.

Poor poor man...........

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 24/04/2013 11:33

It sounds like he had a very altered sense of reality at the end...perhaps because of the lack of food. Very, very sad for you and your dh. Hope the coroner's report brings some clarity for you all. The endless question is 'why?'.

Sunnywithshowers · 24/04/2013 11:34

I'm so sorry Betty. I lost a dear friend to suicide and it's hideous. I echo the advice for you and your DH to be kind to yourselves.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 24/04/2013 11:36

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:

HairyPotter · 24/04/2013 11:49

I'm so sorry Betty. What an awful shock.

My friend killed herself in Jan, she was 42. No signs anything was wrong, her ds was asleep upstairs.

Sending love to all your family xx

VikingLady · 24/04/2013 12:26

I'm so sorry. DH's brother did this in his early 20s, out of the blue. DH still finds it hard to talk about.

GRW · 24/04/2013 15:36

I am so sorry. My sister did this nearly 15 years ago aged 33. She had never been treated for depression either, and it was the biggest shock of my life.
The pain, shock and grief you must be be feeling now is overwhelming. Take care of each other and keep talking. No one should feel guilty because we aren't responsible for another person's actions.

lougle · 24/04/2013 16:05

I am so sorry A family member did this and the shock is still there, over 10 years later. I hope you can all be some comfort to each other in the weeks, months and years to follow.

cornydash · 24/04/2013 16:12

I'm so sorry for your loss.

GiveMumABreak · 24/04/2013 16:17

I'm so sorry Betty, it must be the worst and most painful way to lose somebody. Take care of yourself and DH. Wishing you much strength.

Blondeshavemorefun · 25/04/2013 20:28

i am so sorry for your loss - my dh 2 years ago last week hung his self, but he suffered from depression

i never thought he would kill his self but depression is a reason - unlike in your circumstances, unless he really did have cancer and just couldnt cope with the fight after nursing his dad

sobs is a group for bereaved by suicide

i had counselling through cruse and its free

thinking of you all at this very sad difficult time x

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 26/04/2013 09:17

Thank you everyone

Thankyou Blondes - I remember your story, you are so brave and have dealt with things so strongly.

I will tell DH about those links as I think he will need some help dealing with this.

I tell myself BIL had some sort of breakdown but his letter was rational....I have millions of questions swirling in my head that will probably never have answers.

Hugs to all xx

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/04/2013 19:29

Thank you Betty

I just dealt with stuff as had no choice

Maybe wait for autopsy ad see if had cancer - talk to his doctor ?

Suicide is such a tough position to deal with x

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