Dad dying and I feel like I am too

(10 Posts)
damppatchnot Sat 23-Feb-13 00:18:06

My dad is dying of cancer

He hasn't got long left and he's deteriorating very quickly and is like a skeleton. He's 67
My mum died 13 years ago. She had breast cancer and was 51

When mum was dying it was terrible and my dad sister and I had a dreadful time

I am very close to my parents I live around the corner and see them everyday. Both mum and dad are the most loving kind funny generous parents anyone could have. I was very close to mum and we shared a hobby together so spent a lot of time together but I have always been daddy's girl and dad and I are so alike. He's my best friend

But I have two dc aged 5 and 9 and this time it all feels odd because most of the time I have to feel normal as kids and routines still have to go on

But then when I'm alone it hits me. And I feel so sad I can't stop crying

Also my husband and I are separating as he lives in his own world ( he came home last night and found me sobbing and said have you got £50)

I'm sorry if I'm rambling but has anyone else been in this situation? I feeling like I'm loosing my mind hmm

ForTheLoveOfSocks Sat 23-Feb-13 00:29:04

damppatch I just wanted to give you a big hug. Hopefully someone will come along with some good advice x

Stickwithit Sat 23-Feb-13 00:44:55

So sorry that your Dad is so poorly. It sounds like a desperately sad time for you both. I don't have any advice unfortunately as I've not been in your position.

Your love for your Dad shines through your post, and I'm sure it is a source of comfort for your Dad.

Sending you a big hug OP.

nevermindthecrocodiles Sun 24-Feb-13 00:36:42

I could have written this myself - total daddy's girl like you. He died last year, aged 63 from cancer. I have only just plucked up the courage to come on this board to talk to someone.....

I am so, so sorry OP. I know this doesn't help, but go and be with your daddy while you can for as long as you can. Even now I find my grief is so raw, so all-consuming. I feel like I'm regularly going insane. Go and hug your dad, tell him how much you love him, and how much he means to you. It's sadly normal to feel this way and I think you will for a long time, and for that I am so desperately, desperately sorry. But I am mentally holding your hand and thinking of you -I won't say be strong because its impossible, but just remember how much you love your father and how much he loves you.

damppatchnot Sun 24-Feb-13 09:14:53

Oh that's such a lovely post. Sorry to hear about your dad too

God bless you for your kindness xx

usualsuspect Sun 24-Feb-13 09:24:29

Spend as much time as you can with him, don't be afraid to cry when you need too.

{hugs} and handholding xx

poppycat04 Tue 12-Mar-13 21:53:00

Hi, can I join your thread? I'm aware this thread is about three weeks old. I hope you are all ok. My Dad is 65, he retired on Feb 7 th and was diagnosed with terminal bowel cancer on the 14th. He was fit and well and climbing mountains at Xmas time. I don't know how to do this. My DC4 is due any day. My dad lives some distance away and due to my pregnancy Icant travel to be with him. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next few weeks. Am sending hugs and hand holding to anyone else who needs it right now.

Mollydoggerson Tue 12-Mar-13 22:04:47

Hi,

I'm sorry this is happening.

My dad died 10 weeks ago. I was his pet and shared a hobby with him, I also look like him and it was almost like I was 'his' child, his little one. I was the 3rd chilld and it was like I clung to him as mum had her hands full already. Over time my relationship with him changed but up until I was 18 I was very close to him.

What can I say, spend as much time as you can with him now, it will comfort you in the long run. I cried daily for about 3 months, the month before he died and the 2 months after. Now I cry 4 or 5 days a week, but not wailing as much as I had. Erm, I think you need to focus on lookiing after yourself also. Maybe you don't have the head space to do that now, but try to remember to look after youself. Take a multi vitamin and eat well, dress warmly. Get help where you can. Even though you are seperating, spell it out to your husband that you need help around this time. You need sleep and you need understanding. Tell a few close friends. Maybe get some babysitting sorted in advance, let them know you may need to call on them.

After Dad died, I felt really exhausted and found it hard to drag myself out of bed. My routine slipped, I had to force myself to get up and to cook well. It takes time, lots and lots of time.

bickie Tue 12-Mar-13 22:10:35

Was where you are 10 years ago - and before I logged on willing my Dad to send me a sign he was listening to me about a silly work dilemma.
. My advice is - it becomes less raw and becomes a lovely sweet memory and love of everything he was and is to you.

Mollydoggerson Tue 12-Mar-13 22:25:34

One other thing to remember is to be grateful for small mercies.

My father had a lovely death, we were all with him and it was peaceful. He knew he was loved.

He said to me 4 years previosuly, that if he ever lost his mind, I was to kill him. He had a very black sense of humour. I had been on a day course for Alzheimer's sufferers and was telling him about doll therapy and we spoke about dementia. He was always so in control, he wouldn't have coped well with dementia. It gives me coomfort to know he died with dignity and coherently and in control. I remember him in the full of his health and in the fullness of his humour and I'm grateful that I can remember him in that way.

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