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Bereavement

Helping children to understand and accept death

12 replies

Miaou · 20/04/2006 09:46

I was reminded of this the other day when reading sobernow's thread about the mum who had died over easter, but thought I wouldn't hijack the thread.

A few years ago a good friend of ours was drowned -he was a big part of our lives and well known and loved by the children at school (very small community). At the time the teacher talked to them about what had happened and described life as being like a train going on a journey - some people get on the train (babies being born) and some get off (when they die). Dd2 in particular (she was about 5 at the time) found this a very useful way of looking at it and often brings it up.

Just thought I would share Smile - if anyone else has any words of wisdom on this subject please feel free to add them!

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merrymum · 20/04/2006 10:17

i've never heard that before, it seems a nice way to put it. my dh nan died last year and my dd1 who's 5 didnt really know her but was still sad, she started asking questions about what happens when you die, where do you go etc. we didnt take her to the funeral but i did explain about it. i told her we all go to the church and the vicar helps us to remember them and to say goodbye. i took her to our local cemetry soon after and showed her where her other great nan and grandad are buried. now we often stop there on the way to town and take flowers, she never knew them but she always says hello at the grave. this helped her to understand things a bit more i think.

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Auntymandy · 20/04/2006 10:21

I read something about a dragonfly ones. Cant remember it but if anyone else knows it i hope theu post it.
I think you need to be honest with children. I like the train thing though

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Miaou · 20/04/2006 15:13

I'll bump the thread to see if that rngs any bells, aunty mandy.

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Auntymandy · 20/04/2006 15:16

thanks

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SaintGeorge · 20/04/2006 15:20

From a book, @Waterbugs and Dragonflies, Explaining Death to Young Children'

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SaintGeorge · 20/04/2006 15:21

Sorry, don't know why the @ slipped in there.

Book is available on Amazon.

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Auntymandy · 20/04/2006 15:21

A Parable

of Death As A Transition to A Better Afterlife

Stickney, Doris. Waterbugs and Dragonflies. New York : Pilgrim Press, 1982. (ISBN - 0829806091)

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in a while one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about with its friends. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.

"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "One of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you suppose she is going?" Up, up, up it went slowly. Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return. "That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second water bug. "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled.

Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea. The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise," they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broken through the surface of the water, and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.

When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings. The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly.

Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by, the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were, scurrying about, just as he had been doing some time before. Then the dragonfly remembered the promise: "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why."

Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water. "I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried, but I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what happened to me, and where I went.

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air."

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Auntymandy · 20/04/2006 15:21

found it as you posted!!

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Auntymandy · 20/04/2006 15:25

Found this too..found it quite moving!




A Time To Mourn

(author unknown, submitted by Lori Morris)

"I'll lend you for a little while a child of mine", He said. "For you to love the while she lives and mourn for when she's dead. It may be six or seven years, or forty-two or three, but will you, till I call her back, take care of her for me? I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return, But there are lessons taught down there, That I want this child to learn. I've looked the worldwide over in my search for teachers true, And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you."

I fancied that I heard you say, "Dear Lord thy will be done." For all the joy this child shall bring, the risk of grief, we'll run. We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may, And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay. But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we've planned, We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."

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amyjade · 20/04/2006 15:30

waterbugs and dragonflies.
It's a book explaining death to a child in a very simple way.

It's best to be honest as possible when explaining death to child.
My Sil found lots of help from a website called 'Winstons wish' as her Dd (my niece) was just 3 years old when my Dd1 passed away and the two of them were very close. She often asks where Freya is and can she see us from heaven?
When my Sil takes her Dd to the churchyard she tells her that this is where we put flowers and presents for Freya so the angels can take them to her, she is happy with that at the moment and most days she will sing songs and tell Freya what she's been doing. It's so heartbreaking to have to explain to a child that her cousin is never coming back, in a few years i will have to do the same with Dd2 when she asks me where her sister is.

There is lots of lovely books for children explaining death, i have a beautiful book called 'The next place' by Warren Hanson it is a poem about heaven.
Amazon is the best place to look.

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amyjade · 20/04/2006 15:32

Sorry crossed with your your post Auntymandy.

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Hausfrau · 20/04/2006 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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