Tomorrow

[butisthismyname]

It will be 46 years since my dad died. I was 2 and have never ever grieved for him. My sister who was older is going through the process now and it's really getting to me. I feel I should be doing something about it too. Our mother has never spoken about him, just ignores any questions I've ever had. Ever year on the 16th dec, she phones and says 'you know what today is don;t you?' and I say 'yes', and that's it! It's my sister who has given me some insight into the relationship our parents had ( awful from what i can gather) and the kind of man he was. I feel at a complete crossroads tbh. I've got through this far without really dealing with it but I know that my life has been very difficult - because of? in spite of? I don't know. Don't know whether to get some counselling or not. I'm lucky in that through my job I have daily access to Cruse - and have spoken briefly to a counsellor ad hoc as it were. She feels I would benefit. Has anyone ever waited this long? I think I'm scared!

[ClareMarriott]

I can really relate to some of the feelings you have at this time as my own father died 45 years ago ( I was 11 ) and it is if I have lived my whole life without him. Strangely enough, I have been thinking of having counselling as I feel as if I need to investigate my feelings about the what if scenario . In a way it is almost overwhelming to think about what could have been. I am sorry that your mother has been unable to speak to you about him , my mother died some time ago but the little she spoke about him and what I know from my other sisters, he was a really fine and good man ( and I am left handed like he was ! ) I hope things work out for you and your sister

[MayaAngelCool]

You can't rationalise grief. Go for counselling and see what happens. Best of luck.

[butisthismyname]

Thank you. I think I will. Have had a cheery weekend reading 'Father Loss' which is putting a lot of things into perspective, and do need to get this sorted out in one way or another.