Support thread for anyone grieving for a parent

(980 Posts)
mummylin Sat 08-Dec-12 19:28:41

I have done as maybe has suggested and started a new thread.My comp dosent cope well with long threads.

likesnowflakesinanocean Thu 28-Mar-13 21:42:48

i have a tablet but when i mumsnet on it i always put full stops every few words... people probably think im odd. Its not silly and if it is then am silly too so dont worry. I just feel so sad at all the things she has missed out on and all the things she still wanted to do. It makes me angry to see total scum being a waste of oxygen. i feel awful for saying that but tis how i feel

mummylin Thu 28-Mar-13 21:46:46

Now I am thirsty after eating choc! Will have to have a cuppa I think

mummylin Thu 28-Mar-13 21:51:57

I read in the paper how someone has died in their nineties and wonder why my mum couldn't of lived till then. I don't put full stops too much but I do keep writing the words and don't leave any spaces so have to do it again.i wish I had been given this for Xmas instead of damn windows 8 .i

This is what dh bought me for our silver anniversary two weeks ago. I'm going to sell the new computer cause I know I'm not going to get used to it at all.i find it too complicated. Tired brain syndrome !

vladthedisorganised Thu 28-Mar-13 22:01:25

snowflakes your mum sounds a lot like mine!
I had a tough morning - for no particular reason, just remembering stuff that I never had the chance to ask Mum about - and was trying to work out how I could get through the rest of the day without being a miserable sod or crying.
Then I heard I got the job I interviewed for - now that's someone being bossy somewhere!
Nice to have some good news - I think I might celebrate with one of the chocolates I made with DD in a rare alpha-parent moment smile

mummylin Thu 28-Mar-13 22:05:24

Offers vlad one of my chocolates.well done on getting the job ! You should have this too ,just the one mind. wine and thanks how nice to hear some good news.im sure your mum had a hand in that !

mummylin Thu 28-Mar-13 22:06:35

Are you going to find out if we are having a niece or nephew at your scan ?

t875 Thu 28-Mar-13 22:49:14

Vlad - Well done on the job!! Good for you, Im with mummylin, i think someone is looking out for you there!! smile

Snowflake (()) bless you! It is very hard isnt it, my god I remember them days. At nearly a year it is very hard still and I miss her like mad and still am in massive disbelief but it has got a little easier. Try and do things that you and her would have done together or maybe buy her a little gift, after watching things like colin fry and sally morgan i believe they can see so much and they are there with us all the time. But this is my belief.

mummylin - Ill have one of them chocs! grin

Im not doing too bad, i think next week is going to be the hardest as that was the time she had her stroke in her sleep, although I spoke to her so much about easter.
i told my SO CALLED one of my best friends today the situation i was facing in relation to this week, next etc, and she turned round and said "well you cant have 3 dates can ya" I was floored!!! Yeah hellooooo Like I wanted any bloody dates to deal with!!! Actually I wish she was **&^%$£ here! She shocked me, i she said it very matter of fact too. She will be kissing my backside good bye now, i wont be there for her atall. I found what she said and how she said it insensitive!angry

anyways, thinking of you all as always. Will catch you ssd and biscuits ;-) Hope you guys are well, (((hugs))) xx

mummylin Thu 28-Mar-13 22:53:44

Flings t875 a choc. You can Have as many dates as you want.why are people so insensitive. My mums birthday in April so like you I have another date ! Xx

mummylin Thu 28-Mar-13 22:56:09

You can't help but let your mind go back can you,and I'm sure that is normal.you will be going over everything that led up to the day you lost your mum. I know you will and I did that too.

t875 Thu 28-Mar-13 23:23:18

Thanks for the choc!! hehe, very nice! Sending you a choc back!

Yeah i was floored by my friend who even knew her! I couldn't believe it. Do you know what though I really know who i want to bother with now and who i dont.

God yeah i really do think back to last year, i still find it very hard to believe, how one minute i was talking easter then the next she had gone for ever!!
next week will be hard as i will be thinking back but then again tomorrow will be hard as good friday i chatted to her about easter eggs and fish and chips (it was good Friday thing)
very hard isn't it. I wish i done more for my mum though, but then i know i couldn't do anymore..she had a bad cough, she was antibiotics, it kept her up at night and I turned round to my mate that week and said "I'm really scared somethings going to happen to my mum in her sleep" Now i always said this to hubby so he was like ooh your just being stupid, but i wonder if I got an idea. I couldn't do anything though, I never thought this would be true, i even told my mum to try a pump, she didnt want too!! but its crap as I feel i let her down some days, although i have had my psychic friend tell me i haven't and the random hearts ive had sent to me hopefully have meant she is still by my side xx

t875 Thu 28-Mar-13 23:24:50

They said the cough had nothing to do with what happened to her. She looked so tired though when i look back at old pictures but I would have never known atall, didnt look tired at the time, well tired as not got much sleep as she had a cough!

mummylin Thu 28-Mar-13 23:31:40

I sure you did as much as possible and there was nothing you could of done to s anythingI think its all fate and our lives are mapped out for us. Tomorrow you can have a little chat with her, the same as you did last year,even if you whisper she will hear you xxx

t875 Thu 28-Mar-13 23:49:30

Thanks mummylin, lovely words. Thanks i will definately have a chat with her.
right best get my back side to bed. Sleep well xx

mummylin Fri 29-Mar-13 11:13:48

I hope you have had your little chat this morning t875 not a very nice morning here weatherise but the washing is blowing wildly. I am off for our weekly breakfast with my niece and possibly her dh and we will meet up with one of my brothers and my sis in law too which will be nice. Tomorrow I am going with the friend who lost her brother to another town by train to see a show.my dd bought me two tickets for my birthday back in feb.i thought it may give her a bit of happiness as she is still very upset by the unexpected death of her brother. So much sadness around for so any people.i seem to of been surrounded by death so much the last few months. I know it happens everyday for someone but it seems a lot of my friends have been affected lately.anyway hopefully she will enjoy it. Have heard that the funeral of dd,s ex mum will be the week after next.i hope it's before dh goes to Barcelona.8 of them are going on the 12th including 2 of my brothers.of course they have a trip to the big footi stadium to see a game.its one place I can never go again as that is where I spent the last holiday with my mum.it would be too upsetting.mum died 9 days after we got back home. I also had my purse stolen from my bag there,very upsetting as I had little personal things in it as we'll as cash. Hope you all have the best Easter you possible can * t 875* you carry on having your little chats to your mum,thinking of you

ssd are you ok ? Are you still struggling? Are you getting any help at all. I think you can do with it xxx

likesnowflakesinanocean Fri 29-Mar-13 17:20:09

christ, i attempted town, well that was interesting it was busy as hell and there was a bats woman going nuts because asda only had £8 easter eggs and she wanted some quid ones. it being good friday and all this wasnt going to happen...she was not impressed. I have to admit to laughing like a loon...if all you have to worry about is quid easter eggs your doing alright. the kids have got so much that ive got stocked away on the side ready to go with their egg off us tomorrow... my na and g just gave them £5 each i was really shocked, i swear i never used to get a fiver inflation is a bugger! they were really chuffed though and so was i. my nan and grandad had a hard time getting to the idea of my stepchildren and its lovely to see them accepting them and spending time with them i only wish mum was here to enjoy them too. im wearing her cardy today, it smells of her house. which smells of a mixture of charlie red and tobacco ( she didnt smoke but partner did) its kind of comforting i feel at home. how are you all? x

mummylin Fri 29-Mar-13 17:43:51

I was given an Easter egg today by one of my brothers! The first time in our lives. It's a Malteser one and has 3 little bags of maltesers inside it. I have not bought a single egg as all my gd will prefer money,I. Do have to get my dd a box of f Roche as its her favourite and she deserves a treat. Been busy today as everyone came back here after we had been to cafe for a chat and yet more tea. Dh has been working all day at my ds who is moving into his new place today after 6 or 7 months doing it all up.( knocking down Walls etc ) no point me being there cause I can't lug any heavy stuff around and dh was busy finishing electrics for them.not home yet ,good job too cause no dinner cooked ! Glad your sc have got acceptance from your family,they can't help any circumstances. It's very cold down here but managed to dry the washing. My mum always loved her egg, and she would always buy me a plant or flowers. I have been trying to keep the last plant she gave me alive but I think it's finally had it.but I do have lots of her plants in my garden so that is something.

t875 Fri 29-Mar-13 18:36:04

Hi Mummylin - Thanks i did have a chat with her out in the garden i felt her close. I ate a hot cross bun and passed her one too! smile

How nice about the egg!! Can you dry the plant out when it finishes and put in a special box?? Sounds like your having a nice day.

snowflake - that made me laugh about the egg! I had the same thing, i wasnt going to pay £6.50 in cadbury shop, i didnt kick off though just walked out with a disaproving "blimey"! grin
glad you have felt comfort today i truly believe on our bad days and times they help us and bring us comfort with their love.

Well off to a party tonight, sooo cant be bothered, its a family party! Hope the time flies! I feel my heads a bit everywhere as just keep remembering my conversations of good friday last year! Trying to stay afloat best i can.

Hope your al going along ok xx

t875 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:24:43

Sad moments Here and there is more next week I've decided to get into Easter as obv Easter was practically non existent. Alison's party was pretty good! Hit me a bit in the evening as good fri last year last time talking 2 my mum. But not been 2 bad crem this morning laid some flowers and a small easter egg and fluffy chick. Got a bit upset but then ok.

How are we all? We've had weird snow here and there! Been very strange weather!! X

t875 Sat 30-Mar-13 15:26:02

Sorry meant my sister in laws birthday!!

likesnowflakesinanocean Sat 30-Mar-13 18:13:42

hope your doing okay t8 been thinking of you. I've decided I need to get it all out, so I'm doing it finally. writing mums story from way back in 2005. wish me luck its going to be draining but it has to be done.

t875 Sat 30-Mar-13 21:56:59

Good luck with your story snow flake. Keep us posted how it's all going. I bet it will be hard but she will give you the strength to help you. X

Hope everyone is ok! Thinking of you all xxx

mummylin Sun 31-Mar-13 12:01:17

grinhope you all have a happy day but I know it's difficult for you t875 I am sure every minute you are going through this time last year.you are in my thoughts and ssd you are too. To everyone else I hope the day is as happy as is possible thanks xxx

ssd Sun 31-Mar-13 14:23:55

thanks mummylin

just feel really sad and low today, we've got no family now, the dh's just got an egg from us, theres no one else there now

I hate family days, easter, christmas,mothers day, days families should get together, we havent got that its just us 4 all the time, we have no one else

just days to get through, then listen to people at work telling me how they went to big family meals/get togethers etc etc

the kids went out for all their friends this morning then both trooped back separately...all their friends without one exception are either visiting family or have family visiting them, my 2 are like 2 lost souls on days like this, abit like me really

I can cope with working and having the odd night out with my pals, but thse down times when you need a bit of family around you just floor me

just need to get through the days...theres nothing anyone can do or say, we have no one except us 4 and thats our life, its was lonely before mum died but its worse now

ssd Sun 31-Mar-13 14:30:26

and I think what makes it worse is that we do have family, they just arent there at all...my siblings live hundreds of miles away and wouldnt dream of sening my kids an easter egg or anything, dhs siblings well one of them we dont even know where they live, they never come near us the other one sends their kids to their MIL's almost all the time even though they told us parents should look after their own kids (before she had hers)...the only one who bothered with my kids was my mum and shes gone

I'd love love love to be an only child, the hurt having no support of any kind from siblings just increases the lonliness of losing my mum

but mummylin, please dont worry about me, I'll be fine, I'm a strong person who knows how to cope with things alone, I've had plenty of practise!!

t875 Sun 31-Mar-13 16:28:52

Thanks Mummylin, not too bad, trying to keep it going for the girls but it is also sad as she would love Easter but also what we went through last year as Easter Sunday last year we found out that she was not coming back. So its been a time for happiness and sadness. Next week will be very hard though as that's when she had the stroke.
We put a basket on her shelf with some fluffy chicks and small easter eggs, the girls put a fluffy chicken on her shelf i also brought her a caramel mini egg for her shelf. Watching the boat race now.

Went to my dads and lo and behold there was a fluffy white feather at the bottom of his front of his house, i never see feathers there so i passed it to him and he was very pleased, we also had one on our front lawn which wasn't there yesterday. Gives a comfort to know she is around.

Ssd - Sending you love, why don't you do a little area for your mum and dad for Easter do you have any flowers hun? Here for you anytime xx

Thinking of everyone, hugs if they are needed!! Hi to biscuits, thinking of you too xx

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