I need advice please

(8 Posts)
AnxiousElephant Mon 19-Nov-12 22:32:16

I'm a HV and recently one of the mums who I care for lost a tiny baby, baby was a twin and so I have seen her since this. I don't want to intrude in the families grief, yet I feel that it would be appropriate to pay my respects as I have seen the family antenatally and since their birth. Did anyones health visitor attend a babys funeral and was it appreciated or did it feel intrusive. Thank you in advance x

AnxiousElephant Mon 19-Nov-12 22:50:42

Anyone? sad

My5boysandme Mon 19-Nov-12 22:53:38

My health visitor wanted to attend my sons, but had a training day. I would have liked her to have been there if she could. She has known my family for 3 years.

missymoomoomee Mon 19-Nov-12 22:54:19

I would drop a nice card in to let them know they are in your thoughts. I would have felt very unsettled if my HV showed up at my babies funerals. Its lovely of you to want to though.

fridayatlast Tue 20-Nov-12 12:04:45

When my daughter was stillborn two years ago we had a very small funeral with only immediate family, the only other person who came was my lovely midwife who had delivered her.

She sent me a message a couple of days before saying she would like to come, and would it be ok.

I was very touched that she came, it felt right that she was there as she had been involved with my pregnancy, she was closer in a way to my baby than my family who never even got to see her.

Why don't you ask if they would be happy if you went.

Alternatively Missymoomoomee's idea is good. One of my neighbours quietly dropped a card through the door on the morning of the funeral simply saying that she was thinking of me that day. It meant a lot.

AnxiousElephant Tue 20-Nov-12 18:43:32

I have seen her and gave her a card when I visited and will be with her for some time as I care for the babys twin brother, so I did go and tried to be inconspicuos. I had to make a decision so that I could let my childminder know that I would be late to collect and unfortunately didn't see these responses by then as I was working. I just hope she wasn't unsettled by me being there and that I just wanted to show the family that I care x

Everlong Tue 20-Nov-12 20:15:03

The thing about funerals is that many different people can and do attend to show support, some recent friends some much older.

When my ds died his old primary teacher came, I hadn't seen him in 9/10 years. I didn't even get the chance to speak to him as he left very quick but it was lovely that he had thought of my son.

I would just go and sit at the back. I'm sure the mum will appreciate your support.

Welovecouscous Tue 20-Nov-12 20:19:47

I was going to say you should go - when I have had family funerals I have never ever been anything other than pleased when people turned up. Poor family of this little one sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now