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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Lost my 20 year old son last month

25 replies

cazH · 04/03/2006 23:17

My son died in a car crash in January. It was the week before his 21st birthday. He was my middle son and he had an older brother of 25 and a little brother of 8. He had been with his girlfriend since he was 14 and although very young they had 3 beautiful children together. One of 5, 18 months and a son of 6 months. I am so sad to have lost him but equally sad when I look at the children and realise he is not going to see them grow, or see his little boy's first tooth or when he starts to walk. For the sake of them and my other sons I try to be focussed and get on with life but I feel so drained and constantly sad. If I have a good day I feel guilty and these cold nights I think of him laying in the cold ground and want so much to be able to tell him he should not have gone out that night and to have stayed safe. I am fighting the urge to go to a medium but I so want to "contact" him.

OP posts:

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Freddiecat · 04/03/2006 23:20

CazH I can't imagine the horrors you are going through. Thinking about you and your family now.

biglips · 04/03/2006 23:20

oh no im so sorry for your loss (ive got a lump in my throat now!)

my prayers are with you and just think of the happy memories that you shared with your son xxxx

Dior · 04/03/2006 23:21

cazH - I have no words of wisdom for you, but I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep posting, and I hope that someone with some experience will be along to chat to you soon. xxx

Hattie05 · 04/03/2006 23:22

I am so sorry to hear this, how awful for you.

It is so very recent for you, you should probably not rush into contacting a medium or anything and when you do make sure it is a reputable one.

Have you considered bereavement counselling? You could ask your GP for a referral if you felt it could help.

I'm glas for you that you have three beautiful grandchildren left behind to keep their Dad's memories alive.

xx

schneebly · 04/03/2006 23:22

oh cazH - how horrible - I am in tears just thinking about it. I connot imagine how you must be feeling, just want to lend my support and a huge {{{HUG}}}.

eve2005 · 04/03/2006 23:22

i'm so sorry for your loss cazH, can't for a minute imagine what your going through. you sound so brave, don't know what i'd do in your situation but if you think it would help you to deal with his loss to have that final conversation with him through a medium it probably can't do any harm as long as you remember that it's not real. sorry i'm not more help.

threelittlebabies · 04/03/2006 23:22

cazH, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, I really feel for you. If you think contacting a medium will help, then maybe ask around and go with a friend, but think about how you will feel if he doesn't make contact. I did find it comforting for me, and it gave me a lot of peace.
Thinking of you and your family xxx

Chandra · 04/03/2006 23:30

casH, I'm very sorry to hear that.

I believe is perfectly natural to feel constantly sad, it's still very recent days and it will take some time to come to terms with it, eventually, the pain will become more bearable, please allow yourself some time to grieve.

About contacting him...not sure about the medium, but everytime I have lost somebody that I loved, it really helped to light a candle, at a quiet time of the day, when I could have sometime alone with my thoughts and cry, and tell them how much they meant to me, all the things I should have told them and I didn't, and how grateful I am at being given the opportunity to spent some time of my life at their side. Many many hugs.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/03/2006 23:34

Im so sorry CazH

I dont know what to say, other than to give yourself time to grieve.

I would resist the temptation to visit a medium (just yet anyway) as you may be disappointed and you dont need that on top of everything else.

BudaBabe · 05/03/2006 00:41

Am so so sorry for your loss CazH.

jofeb04 · 05/03/2006 12:12

Im so sorry for your loss CazH.
My thoughts are with you all.

poppiesinaline · 05/03/2006 12:15

I am so sorry for you cazH. I have no idea what you must be going through. I am in tears just reading your post. :(

Carmenere · 05/03/2006 12:18

CazH every mother and father on mumsnet dreads outliving one of their precious children. I am very sorry for your trouble and my thougths and prayers are with you.

suzywong · 05/03/2006 12:21

so sorry for your loss

Do what ever it takes to be strong for your other sons, your daughter in law and your three grandchildren.

So, so sorry

anorak · 05/03/2006 12:39

Oh Caz, how sad. I'm so sorry. Please remember it is very early days to try and feel better. I wouldn't even try and fight the grief. You need to express it and feel it before anything will begin to feel right again. Grief is a very important part of healing.

anorak · 05/03/2006 12:40

Oh Caz, how sad. I'm so sorry. Please remember it is very early days to try and feel better. I wouldn't even try and fight the grief. You need to express it and feel it before anything will begin to feel right again. Grief is a very important part of healing.

winnie · 05/03/2006 12:46

cazH, I am so sorry. Nothing I can say. My heart goes out to you and your family x

cazH · 05/03/2006 14:04

Thank you all so much for your lovely words. You are right it is early days yet but for those around me life is now getting back to normal. I was in the garden this morning and saw all the bulbs coming through and thought he is not going to see a lovely summers day again. I remember him coming round with the children on a summers day and doing handstands through the paddling pool and watching him teach my youngest son how to do flips on his trampolene. Lovely memories to treasure. Thanks everyone

OP posts:

amyjade · 05/03/2006 16:31

cazH

I'm sorry for the loss of your son.

It is early days for you and i wish i could offer you some words of hope but as a grieving mother myself all i can say is that you are not alone, and even though your son was 19 years older than my Dd i know exactly how the heartbreaking pain stabs you in the heart when you think of them gone forever.

My baby daughter died a year ago next month aged 19 months and in that time i have found a few organisations who have really helped me through the dark days they are the compassionate friends and the child bereavement trust, both have websites with chat rooms so if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone who understands then these organisations will help you.

Hope this helps

sha11 · 26/09/2006 21:57

cazh so sorry for your loss, my son was 4 1/2 i feel i missed seeing him go to school, passed away 4 days before his first day at school, missed his 5th and 6 th birthdays, think which school year he would have been in, hiow tall he would have been - you have thousands more memories to cherish and remember, if you ever need to talk i'm here.

morningpaper · 26/09/2006 22:02

so sorry for your loss CazH ... remember those lovely summer days, there will be laughter in your garden again from your lovely grandchildren... my thoughts and prayers are with you tonight xx

buktus · 26/09/2006 22:05

sorry to hear your sad news, i found it has been my only way to get through my grief by visiting a medium but i would be careful on who you decide to visit and research them carefully, i travel 2 and a half hours to visit mine i have only seen her 4 times in ten years but those 4 times have changed my outlook so much and i can now sense when my dad and sister are near me, my medium is an international medium who works with alongside the police force in discovering undetected murders, she is an amazing lady and has really hlped me, i am sure i would have given up on life itself if i hadnt have gone to her, thinking of your pain so much an yet there is nothing i can type to make any of it seem clearer or fairer x

wrinklytum · 26/09/2006 23:02

So sorry,Caz.Thinking of you and your family.

CountessDracula · 26/09/2006 23:03

cazH so sorry

Thinking of you

SherlockLGJ · 26/09/2006 23:08

This is in active because sha11 found it, and must have felt a connection, the OP was in March 06.

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