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Bereavement

Feeling such rage - what to do?

35 replies

amanda1 · 10/01/2006 06:33

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codnotamod · 10/01/2006 06:33

why do oyu speak to him, at all?

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codnotamod · 10/01/2006 06:35

i told you last time
put the phone down
ahve youa ny reason to speak to him at all?

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amanda1 · 10/01/2006 06:42

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dejags · 10/01/2006 06:43

Nothing to add Amanda, I just wanted to say that I had read your message and feel for you. The frustration, anger and hurt must be unbearable.

Hang in there.

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foundintranslation · 10/01/2006 06:47

Don't speak to him. Never speak to him again, unless about practicalities. He doesn't get it, so don't try to make him. Remember that what goes around comes around: there's unlikely to be no payback for them in their lives over how they have behaved.
Good luck for today. Trash something trashable and pretend it's him and her, then take several deep breaths and get through it.
CAT me your address and I'll send you some German goodies.

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saadia · 10/01/2006 06:49

So sorry about this. Life is very unfair. This man is really not worth the energy. I know you're feeling very down and I can't imagine the loss you must be feeling for your baby, but as cod said, ignore ex-dp, dealing with him is making you feel worse and you don't need that.

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amanda1 · 10/01/2006 06:50

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foundintranslation · 10/01/2006 06:52

My parents hurt me terribly, cut me off completely, and still - after 5 1/2 years - do not get what they've done. Some people just don't. But they will, later in their lives, when they hit low points themselves.

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dejags · 10/01/2006 06:52

Amanda - I have been thinking about this.

Let it be - be angry, be sad, be f**king furious. You are grieving, an unpredictable process at best. Given that you have two different losses to deal with it's not surprising you feel the way you do.

So what if you scream at him - it's nothing less than he deserves. If you don't feel up to going into work, perhaps you should speak to your doctor and get booked off for a while longer. Speaking for myself, this wouldn't be good for me though, I am a wallower - but you may be different.

Anyway, if you do decide to go in today, good luck!

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amanda1 · 10/01/2006 06:57

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dejags · 10/01/2006 07:11

Amanda - Don't apologise for feeling the way you do.

If you start to feel guilty for feeling p1ssed off, hurt and the myriad other crap feelings which are overwhelming you at the moment you just won't cope.

For what it's worth - I think you are doing amazingly well. If it were me I think I'd be having trouble getting out of bed.

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amanda1 · 10/01/2006 08:10

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dejags · 10/01/2006 08:21

Amanda, unfortunately men are a different breed. I hate to generalise but most men in this situation would have the ability to switch off to the pain because they have a more out of sight out of mind mentality once they have "moved on" than women do.

God I feel for you - it must be terrible to want to completely tear somebody to pieces for the hurt they have caused and they just blithely carry on with their life as if nothing has happened.

I could suggest several ways to get revenge but I think it would be pretty hollow . Just do what you have been doing, rant as much as you want to on here and you will get through this.

love
dejags

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gravity · 10/01/2006 09:15

oh amanda, the man is an arehole that is why he can say and do and be the things he has and done and is. "she" is a complete mole for saying what she did.

you have battled so much and you have been strong regardless of what you feel right now, have you spoken to anyone recently?

you are entitled to be as upset and angry as necessary. you need to get it out of your system as dejags says. it'll just keep building up otherwise.

dejags is so right men are shits they can switch off to the emotional side. it sucks!

important dates that remind us of things are awful, painful and so hard. is part of grieving.

my thoughts are with you x

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amanda1 · 10/01/2006 09:41

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dejags · 10/01/2006 11:22

Amanda, if you think that would help then go ahead and do it.

But,

Be careful, this woman has already proved that she has NO heart, and that man has already proved that he has NO brains. It's a lethal combination - designed to hurt you if you decide to face them in person. Sadly, I truly doubt you will impart you hurt or make them feel bad. The only reason I am saying this is because I worry you'll end up more hurt than before.

I wish I could say I understand but I simply don't. Just concentrate on getting through each day, try not to think about when it will get easier. You'll torture yourself if you try to put a deadline on feeling better.

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amanda1 · 10/01/2006 12:37

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dejags · 10/01/2006 12:40

oh Amanda .

what an arse.

He didn't deserve your little girl in any way,shape or form.

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gravity · 10/01/2006 14:43

and he doesnt deserve to have you in any way shape or form (he is going to drain you emotionally)

can you file for a restraining order (not a violence once but a misconduct one) against him and her? this will stop his right to be able to call you and upset you.

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BudaBabe · 14/01/2006 15:45

Amanda - your poor thing - I can't imagine how you feel.

But I do feel that confronting either him or her will not make you feel better.

The rage you are feeling is entirely normal. It's part of your grief. Your grief for the relationship you thought you had, the man you thought you knew, the life you thought you would have and of course your beautiful baby girl.

You do need to work through this grief but not by confronting him or her. You are better than both of them and it will just drag you down further. It won't help you to move on.

Please please try to see your GP or a counsellor.

Hugs

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amanda1 · 15/01/2006 18:51

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BudaBabe · 15/01/2006 19:19

this may seem hard but I think you just need to give yourself time. The next couple of months will be very hard.

Is there any way you can see a counsellor to help you through it?

Would love to be able to be there and just give you a big real life hug.

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amanda1 · 15/01/2006 19:29

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Frizbetheexpansionset · 15/01/2006 19:38

Amanda, so sorry about this whole damn mess, he had no right to call you and drag all this up again in the 1st place {{{{{Bigs Hugs}}}}}
I really think councilling will help and the wait might not be that long, please give it a go.
Have you thought about any natural healing products, if your not fancying the anti d's?
Please don't answer the tel to him again and don't go and see him, he's proved he doesn't give a , you need time to heal and grieve, (he can be delt with anytime in the coming years if you really feel the need) look after yourself and dd right now x

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amanda1 · 15/01/2006 20:07

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