Feeling sad for New Year....

[MrsBilly]

On Wednesday I had an ERPC, I thought I was 14 weeks but had been bleeding since Christmas Eve. Had scan at EPU and was told they couldn't find anything over 6 weeks. I was pretty distraught and can't remember much of what was said after that. I decided ERPC was better than going home and continuing to bleed like I had been. Don't think I've really had full meltdown yet, I've been up and down since then and can't tell what will set me off. I know the only thing that will really help me is being pregnant again (this was to be my first) and want to try again as soon as possible. Have been reading some of your conversations today and really feel quite humbled in some cases but also more positive. My first time on MN, shame it has to be such a sad thing. Also have to say my DH has been an absolute rock.

[beansprout]

So sorry to hear this MrsBilly and I wish you all the best xxx

[biglipskissinunderthemistletoe]

welcome and im soo sorry to hear your lost!

i havent got any experience in this situation but i hope you get lots of info & help from here and im gald that your DH had been supporting you too

XXX

[coribells]

So sorry to hear about this. What a horrible time to find out. My only suggestion right now is to drown your sorrows for a little while.

I had a missed miscarriage (this is the term for what you have had too) Last April. I thought I was 16 weeks, baby died at 14-15 weeks. I had not anyout ward signs until the scan. I know it is a very hard thing to go through especially as it is your first. There are lots of us on Mumsnet so you will find plenty of support here.
Most of us feel desperate to get pregnant again soon after M/C it is quite natural response.

Luckily I fell pregnant quite quickly after the miscarriage, I am now 22 weeks.
Take care, I hope 2006 is better year for you.

[Arabica]

So sorry to hear this. I also had a missed miscarriage when I thought I was 11 weeks. It was truly devastating and I thought I would never be able to try for another baby as I couldn't put myself through the distress. It took 7 months before we were ready to try again. I got pg straightaway and am now just over 9 weeks.
The Miscarriage Association has a good website for information & advice and there are loads of us on here who have survived miscarriages. I found it a great help to talk to other women who had been through the same thing and I hope you do too.

[bunny3]

been there myself and it hurts like hell but it will get easier now. Im glad your dh is helping, there will always be loads of support here too

[nannyme]

So sorry for you.

I had a scan last year on Dec 8th (my sister's Birthday and 4 days before my DP's Birthday on 12th Dec) where they discovered my 16 week pregnancy had ended somewhere around 12 weeks+
I had no idea that my baby had died, despite the fact this was to be my fourth baby. I guess, looking back, i probably did feel the movements stop but it was so early on to be feeling them anyway I hardly took any notice.

One of the hardest things, i found, was having to cope with not knowing, and not having the opportunity to know why this happened. It doesn't matter how statistically 'normal' it is for this to happen, as it feels so wrong when it is your baby.

Sadly, although I delivered the baby on DP's Birthday after an induction in Hospital (no bleeding or cramping, still no sign apart from the scan that my pregnancy had ended) I had severe complications and was admitted on Christmas Eve after a sad and mad panic to find somewhere for our 5, 4 and 2 year old to go for Christmas. We didn't return home until 2 days after Boxing Day. Our poor children had been separated on Christmas Day, not only from us but also from one another due to our friends not having space for all three, etc.

The reason I mention all this apart from the catharticism from my point of view (sorry) is that I wonder how the fact that it is Christmas is affecting you? It is almost irrelevent in the scheme of things in one sense, but (I find) in another it makes it all very much sadder and deeply regretful.

I also wondered whether you were having thoughts about how this will make you feel Christmasses and New Year's Eves to come? Maybe it IS irrelevemt to you, but in case it is making your bitterness even harder to bear, I hope I can comfort you in some small way in telling you that this Christmas, although filled with memories (happy and sad) of Delilah's (as we named her) Birthday, we have been able to look forwards and not back with regret and enjoy Christmas once again.

We didn't celebrate DP's Birthday this year (at DP's request) and had a rather subdued day on the 12th but I am confident that we have succeeded in moving on positively.

We didn't try again for pregnancy, mainly because we have three children already. In your shoes, however, I would be exactly the same as you and would definitely find being pg again the best thing to help.

Focus on your recovery, emotionally and physically and look forward to hopefully a future pregnancy in this New Year. I think that the fact that this was essentially an early miscarriage bodes better for a healthy second pregnancy than if it had been a later one.

Thinking of you, your (wonderful) DH and your little one and wishing you all that you wish for in this New Year.

PS I found that it took a long time for my partner's grief to come to the surafce fully, despite the fact that we talked about it a lot. Also, he was more upset, a year on than me which I think I was surprised about.

Ohhhh poor you. I am sorry there is nothing really helpful I can say.

[MrsBilly]

Nannyme,
As far as this Christmas goes it's been pretty much written off, but I was determined to not be upset at midnight last night and I wasn't. We were actually at my sister's for xmas when the bleeding started, she's 26 weeks pg and was very supportive and positive throughout, as was hubby till the very end.We spent the whole of xmas day just trying to carry on as normal and because I didn't have any pain everyone I spoke to said that was a good sign, this includes NHS Direct and midwives at local hospital. I didn't have any pain until Thur after ERPC and now it feels like bad period pain, which i'm hoping will go away soon!
I don'tknow how this will affect me on future Christmases, it will very much depend on when I fall pg. Think I will find it more difficult when sis has her baby in April. We were also supposed to go for a New Mum Spa day together as a xmas pressie.
I'm worried about when all this will hit me as I've really only had one bad crying day. Planning to go back to work next Fri and haven't actually been there that long, but have no idea how I'm going to cope. They were genuinely upset for me and told me to take as much time as I needed, but I think there's only so much time you can sit at home for, just because you're scared of seeing pregnant ladies and woman with small babies.
Thankyou all for your support, I've found it really help just to get it all out there x

[mumswish]

I've been through a missed MC (2004), I went to the hospital for what should have been a 12wk scan (and pic) and came back without a baby. Its the worst pain I've ever had to feel and although it did go away, each day since has been hard esp on the aniveraries (day concieved, Day we knew for sure, day of the midwife, day of the scan and the next day when I had to have D&C)

I really feel for you and I hope you can get through these hard times.

[Manoo]

Hello
I too have had a Christmas blighted by miscarriage. Started bleeding on Christmas Eve, but just for two hours. So spent next few days being part hopeful and part hopeless. Had to wait until Wed after Xmas to see my (unhelpful) GP, got sent for a blood test, had to wait until following Tue to get results. GP didn't call with results but on Tue eve I started bleeding heavily and that's continued over the last couple of days so I have my answer.

I have one 2.5yr old and before he arrived I had an early miscarriage - so I do know that these things happen and have hope that my next pregnancy will work out ok.

But I think that nannyme was right about it being more complicated at Christmas time/New Year. For those of us who have lost our little seeds of possibility over Xmas/New Year, it's meant having to enter the new year without our little ray of hope for the year, without that possibility that we were previously planning on celebrating in 2006. Also January is such a dreary anti climactic month for everybody - it's a very hard time of year to feel positive.

My feelings were further complicated by phoning a good friend last night to let her know the news, and before I could say it, she announced that she was three months pregnant. Of course I'm delighted for her but it just felt so painful having to listen to her talk about her scan when I was thinking I'd be doing that in a few weeks too.

Anyway, best wishes to all those going through it, and good luck with your next attempts.