How do you explain death for the first time?

[OnZephyrstDayofXmas]

DD had a pet rat which someone gave us about 6 months ago - he was already old. He's been really ill for about a week and this morning he had died. DD didn't seem to be too upset but she has no understanding of what's actually happened. I let her see him and explained that he had died etc and she went off to school quite happily. DP came home while she was out and we buried him in the garden. When she came home she wanted to see where we buried him so i took her out and said we'd get a little stone animal to put there to remember him etc. At dinner time she asked if fatty ratty would be cold outside all night in the ground so I tried to say that he was ok because he'd gone to animal heaven where there were lots of animals and he'd be very happy etc etc to which she asked if they got him there in a truck! So she wanted to know how he got to Heaven - to which I told her he had angel wings!! It got more and more impossible to come up with answers that wouldn't confuse her more! She thinks he's gone to get better and is coming back

I don't know what else to tell her?!

[WigWamBam]

I had to tell dd about death when she was 3 afer my mum's dog died, and I decided that I would tell her the truth, as far as I felt she could understand it. I told her that sometimes, when an animal is really, really old or really, really poorly, their bodies can't work any more, and so they die. It means we can never see them again, and that makes us sad, but we can still think about them all the time and remember all the happy things about them. Her next question was whether people died too, and I told her that they did, but reinforced that it usually only happens when someone is very old.

If you want to read a story book to her that deals with the death of a pet in a sensitive way that young children can understand, Goodbye Mog by Judith Kerr is good.

[OnZephyrstDayofXmas]

Thanks WWB - I might have to get that. I did explain that he was very old and that his body couldn't work - then she asked me how old he was and as soon as I said 3 I could see her brain going into overdrive so had to get her to understand that 3 was very old for fatty but I still don't think she 'gets it'.

[Gem13]

I read a review of a book for children about death at the weekend - written by the Child Bereavement Trust and The Tree Council (I think!). Sounded really good. I'll look it out for you later.

[AveyourselfamerryLITTLEFISHmas]

A great book called "Badger's parting gift". I can't remember who it's by, but it's about remembering all the lovely things you did with someone who has now died. It's an animal story and is really helpful to share with children.

[Gem13]

It's 'The Lonely Tree' by Nicholas Halliday (Halliday Books £12.99). Reviewed in The Observer. Suitable for age 4 up.

Review here

[Amyjade]

Another good book about heaven is 'The next place' you can order it from Amazon.