Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

how long does it take.........

21 replies

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 09:38

to get over it?

OP posts:

Report

gravity · 13/12/2005 10:23

lots of time.... and then week by week it slowly feels less, but definately never gone. you will have days that blow you away and they are hard. like the one week since they've been gone, then two and so on. i'm sorry for your loss......hugs

Report

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 13/12/2005 10:32

Physically, less time tha you think, as the m itself is so awful and intense, but eases quickly.
Emotionally, well, you've got to give yourself a chance to grieve and to accept it.

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 13:13

I miscarried in August and still have 'black days' is that normal.
I lost my Dad 3 years ago and cry regulerly for him too.
This time of year is hard! I want my Dad and my bump!!!
Am I silly?

OP posts:

Report

deckthehillswithboughsofmummy · 13/12/2005 13:46

No you are not silly.

I had a m/c last year and have since gone on to have a beautiful boy but I still have bad days when I get all emotional about what could of been.

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 13:51

just very weepy at the min. DH works all hours and I am missing him!! Silly arent I? You would think I was a teenager the way I go on!

OP posts:

Report

gravity · 13/12/2005 13:57

auntybrandybutter - you are not at all silly. you have lossed ones that you love very much. nothing you do or say could ever be contrived as silly.....dh working long hours means he is not there when you really need a big bear hug and a shoulder to cry on. sending you hugs

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 14:01

thanks!! I feel stupid!! Just really weepy. I can only think its because of these things.

OP posts:

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 14:01

thanks!! I feel stupid!! Just really weepy. I can only think its because of these things.

OP posts:

Report

WigWamBam · 13/12/2005 14:02

I lost my first baby to miscarriage 20 years ago, and there are times that I still cry for what might have been. It never goes away but it does get easier to cope with.

You need to give yourself time and space to grieve, some days will be worse than others, but eventually things will start to feel less black and you'll be able to smile when you remember the nice things about your dad.

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 14:05

Think its this time of year. He loved Christmas! Plus I look at my little ones he never saw and know how much joy they would have given him and he them.

OP posts:

Report

gravity · 13/12/2005 14:16

how old are your ittle ones?

Report

gravity · 13/12/2005 14:17

oops little ones.....sorry getting late here 1030pm fingers jumble!

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 14:23

yougest is 14 months. Other one 3 next week.

OP posts:

Report

gravity · 13/12/2005 14:25

on christmas day is there anything your dad really really liked to do?

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 14:26

cook!

OP posts:

Report

gravity · 13/12/2005 14:32

gee! same as my dad! that landed me on my bum! he used to cook the BEST rissoles! now i'm silly!!!
i dont know your situation well enough and cooking i am having probs using my brain creatively at this time of night but my thoughts were similar to (obviously your littlest one being too little) but your elder child could help you plant a tree, a flowery plant or as in my case since dad loved to cook, plant a vegetable of some description.
my words are probably not getting across my point, but something like in remembrance, something nice that reminds you of your dad and something the kids can help you with?

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 13/12/2005 15:29

Oh I hope i havent upset you!!!
Its awful how these waves come over us. I bought some garden furniture with some monet mum gave me when he died because he loved his garden and s Snowman christmas decoration as he loved Christmas and the snowman!
I just wish my younger children could have met their wonderful Grandpa!!

OP posts:

Report

gravity · 14/12/2005 00:07

no you havent upset me, time difference means had to go to bed, thats all! - i just wish i could have thought of something nice you could do ie: from you kids to their grandpa.
that sounds lovely anyway what you have done!

Report

Auntybrandybutter · 14/12/2005 06:24

where do you live Gravity?

You would think after 3 years I would feel better! But i have had to be there for my Mum and feel i have not aloud myself time. Got alot off my chest with my Mum the other day and feel a bit better.

OP posts:

Report

gravity · 14/12/2005 09:53

hi auntybrandybutter, i am in australia. i think we are about 10 hours different at the moment - well its nearly 6pm.

honey, you compare three years without him to a lifetime that you knew your dad. there is no comparison.

dont bottle it up, ever. its the worst you can do. i think thats why we all end up on here!

its strange isnt it the older we get our roles seem to reverse with our parents, we need to care for them instead of vice versa. dont forget to let her be your mum though.