a cruel trick?!

[cats2]

New to this - sat here crying (again!), trying not 2 disturb husband asleep. Found out I was 12 weeks pregnant 3 weeks ago (had put weight gain, sore boobs, sickness etc down to my 'wonky' hormones and weird cycle!).

Delighted & shocked as due to endometriosis was told 3 years ago would never have children. Just 7 days after confirming pregnancy began bleeding and lost baby over weekend. 'All' came away, hospital staff were lovely, told me to try and be 'hopeful' but to bear in mind I was 42 and had fertility problems.

Work have been fantastic & not expected back until I'm ready. Feel that nature has played such a cruel trick on me. I'd grieved when told couldn't have children & was getting on with life. Booked in next year for a hysterectomy!

What do i do now? When can I try again? Was this just a fluke? Feeling so lost, mad, sad & angry that we had one week of joy and now nothing. Husband has tried his best to ofer support but can tell he doesn't know what to say anymore.......Now 16 days but feel like this loss will never go

[SpaGlorytoBlog]

I'm so sorry that you have been through this. I hope that someone with experience here can offer you some advice and re-assurance.

[foundintransleightion]

I'm so very sorry to hear of your sad loss.
Usually you can try again as soon as you feel ready, if the miscarriage was complete and without complications, but am not sure if this is also true for a m/c at 12 weeks (mine was very early on). Waiting one cycle helps with dating a potential next pregnancy.
Now is probably not the time to say this, but the fact that you have conceived despite your problems can maybe, when the worst grief is over, give you some hope.
There are many women here who have suffered similar and will no doubt be along to support you.
Thinking of you.

[wools]

Cats2 - I'm so sorry to hear your news. That is a cruel trick to play. I too, have suffered a miscarriage last week (my 2nd) and I am 42 years old. I have 2 ds and am so grateful for that but would like one more. I hope that somebody who has suffered similarly to you will respond and offer you some reassurance. I do agree with FIT that having become pregnant once you will be able to conceive again although you do need to grieve for this lost baby. Wishing you all the best and thinking of you.

[SenoraPostrophe]

you poor thing - you must be all over the place.

they tell you you can try again after 3 months. I ignored that after I had an m/c at 16 weeks though. Doc didn't seem to think it would be awful - kept going on about dates (but I really don't see why that's so important).

[Nightynight]

cats - sorry to hear about your loss. I had 2 similar miscarriages a few years ago, but was lucky enough to go on to have dd2. I remember well feeling so bad after the m/cs. You have got pregnant once, that shows your body is working properly, and you still have a chance of carrying a baby to term. Get trying immediately!!
Oh, by the way, after the 2nd m/c, the hospital staff were very nice, but I got the impression they didnt believe that I would ever have another baby (late 30s, children already) - but I did.

[NotQuiteCockney]

I've had a 10-week mc and a 12-week mc. The official line I was told, both times, is that you're "recommended" to wait until you have a normal period to start ttc again, but you can start right away if you like. Both times, I had one normal period, got pregnant the next cycle, and had a normal pregnancy and baby.

[cats2]

Thanx for the support. Had miserable day. Argued with hubby this am as he was saying I needed to pull myself together now.Told me off for looking on the internet for 'answers'. Tried to explain that whilst some days I'm able to think positively (that maybe this means we could have a baby) other days wanting to know what went wrong?

Feeling I just want someone to tell me clearly what caused the mc but know (deep down) that's not going to happen.

So glad to have found this sight. Have really felt like i was going barmy. Even convinced myself yesterday that the hosp. had got it wrong!! However, the last of the 10 pregnancy test kits i had bought the week I found out i was expecting, confirmed there was nothing there now.

Trying to accept that maybe this last couple of days has just been a bit more difficult (must be Christmas & the fact that every shop i go in is full of new babies!). Lets hope that a miracle will happen again for us. Mother nature is said to be a wonderous, mysterious thing at times.............sometimes she also feels a bit c**p!

[Nightynight]

cats,
that is the hardest thing really, isnt it - not knowing why you lost the baby. Have you seen the trying to conceive threads on this site? There has been one for older mums active recently as well.

[HunkerXmasAndAMunkerNewYear]

Cats2, I'm so very sorry

I can't tell you what I'd do in your situation, but I can tell you about mine, if that would help? I don't want to sound insensitive, but am hoping that a positive outcome is what you need to hear?

I have stage 4 endometriosis and polycystic ovaries. I was told when I was 22 that I was very unlikely to ever have children because the disease was so bad and because of the hormone level implications of PCOS.

I had three operations to remove the endo and tried various drugs (all of which made me feel appalling and did nothing for the endo - I bled for 50 days straight when on Provera, for instance).

Then I discovered I wasn't ovulating (long cycles to do with PCOS), so I was prescribed Clomid. I conceived DS on this the first time I took it and went on to conceive another baby naturally a year after DS was born.

I'm not sure what tests you have had done, or why exactly they've told you you can't have children, but the fact you were pregnant sounds very positive. In your situation, I would ask for a referral to a fertility specialist for more tests.

I hope I haven't upset you.

Stay in touch on here - and very good luck for the future x x x

[cats2]

Told that my right tube was blocked, that the adhesions were quite severe (sticking my right tube, uterus and bowel). Had been ttc for 3 years but endo just getting worse.Looked at IVF (don't offer it in my area to women 35 or over on the NHS), but told that had minimal chance of conceiving. financially we were strapped so couldn't even look at having one attempt.

Have had two lots of hormone treatment for endo (stomach injections for 6 months at a time leading to two false menopauses! Lovely!)

Have had much better day today. Messages here have been so helpful. Also spoke with hubby about how I'm feeling. Really understanding today (think most of the time he's just a 'bloke' who tries to be strong & 'cos he can't offer a solution or 'make it better' ends up saying v little or the wrong thing!

Want to do something symbolic for us and our 'baby' which I need to in order to move forward. Know it needs to be personal to us but have others done anything they would feel ok to share. something that maybe can remind us that for at least a week we had the most unbelievable joy imaginable (even if it does or doesn't happen again).

[HunkerXmasAndAMunkerNewYear]

Glad you've had a good day with DH. Re doing something special for the little one, can you plant a pretty tree (in a pot maybe, in case you move house, then can take it with you)?

Have you had surgery? I found that was the only thing that made my endo bearable - my surgeon was amazing (Mr Robert Richardson, he works at Chelsea & Westminster and Guildford) - I saw him on the NHS after asking for a referral to someone who knew what they were talking about (was told that Zoladex had no side effects by one registrar ).

All the luck in the world for the future x x x x

[BibiJesus]

cats, take one day at a time hun. It gets better and worse for a while, but I'm 2 months on from a m/c and there are more good days than bad now.

Sending you lots of

[merrycompo]

so sorry to hear this. My b/f did as Hunker suggest and planted a tree in the garden. I think it helped her a lot to do this

[carlychristmas]

cats2 i know what your going thru please feel free to cat me anytime xx

[bauble99]

I don't really know what to say, but to feel so happy and to then have it snatched away is too, too sad.

Post here whenever you need to, there's always someone around.

XXXX