friend has had a stilbirth - how to reply to an email telling me please

[merrycompo]

Just heard that one of my best friend's has had a stillbirth. She's asked for no calls or cards but I want to reply to her email. Help please

[SackAche]

No idea! How teriible.

[KBearthePolarBear]

I would offer my condolences and tell her you are there when she needs you and leave it at that. How sad.

[gomez]

I would go along the lines of:

I am sorry.

Call me when you feel ready.

We will be thinking of you.

[OnZephyrstDayofXmas]

I would just reply saying that you are so sorry to hear her news and then just say you totally understand that she doesn't want any calls at the moment but that you are there any time day or night if she needs someone to talk to.

[vickiyumyum]

i would find it really difficult too. just be honest, say that you are upset for her and offer to help in anyway that you can, i'd also ask her to let you know when she feels up to visitors/calls so that you can see her, especially if it is someone you see regularly.

send your sympathies and let ehr know you are thinking of her and her family.

[merrycompo]

thanks everyone - that's what I was thinking. I'm in shock tbh

[MARINAtivityPlay]

Just as KBear says really merrycompo. I am so sorry to hear this sad news.
Does she live near you? If you are not likely to bump into her when she is feeling like facing the world again, I would mail her again in a few days, reiterating that you are thinking of her and ready to listen and talk to her about her baby.
We initially sent a message to friends when our son Tom was stillborn saying we could not speak on the phone at the moment, and there did come a time when we felt able to. Keep the lines of contact open via e-mail, or maybe texting, I am sure she will appreciate your thinking of her.
You could also put a link to SANDS in your mail. They answer requests for help and support by e-mail if she is feeling unable to speak on the phone right now.

[harpsiheraldangelssing]

at times like this I go for honesty and cliches
tell her you don't know what to write (because you don't)
that you are very sorry for her loss and that you are thinking of her
and that she should get in touch when she wants and if there is anything you can do
then send her your love

[allycotownofbethlehem]

I too would say "I don't know what to say" 'cos I think a lot of stuff sounds corny/patronising even when it's not meant to.

[merrycompo]

thanks everyone. Just feel so so sad for her. It is her first child and I just can't imagine how she must be feeling, full of milk, going home to the nursery, pram, cot etc. I'm ttc atm too and it's seriously putting me off

[bambi06]

i actually went round to my friends and let her talk about it openly.we chatted about the boys[they were twins] and how heavy, what they looked like etc..she was very happy for me being so open and honest and she said later that that was so much better than everyone giving her sympathetic looks and sayingim so sorry`.. i went and bought her sanitary pads/ breast pads..as she had milk of course.and just openly chatted which she felt she needed as she couldnt talk to her husband as he was taking it very badly too and couldnt cope with talking it through.. i bought her food / nice smellies for her and a bottle of wine to down and we laughed about the fact she could drink the whole bottle and not worry about breastfeeding..so i suppose it does vary but if its a good friend i would go and see her face to face a.give her a big hug/,let her cry and if she wants you to go fine but at least she knows youre really there for her..

[izzybiz]

call or email her, she will have lots of people saying "call if you need me" but for her its probably too much to even pick up the phone right now. just by making an effort to check how they are, just to listen, just to be there, will be appreciated. i know how you are feeling, helpless springs to mind.