Two girlfriends have died in the last year

[notasheep]

I am finding this so difficult to deal with-Tina(1)
43yrs had head on car crash with joyrider then stroke,Tina(2) 39yrs had breast cancer.
I am finding myself paranoid about death and thinking about it constantly.I know i am fit and well,both parents are still alive aged 77yrs and 76yrs,no cancer or heart disease in the family.
I look at dd and ds everyday and wonder how long i have left...dp was so supportive when they died.
Tina(1) was also my dd godmother and I am executor in her will so still very involved with her death.
I must stop writing this as i am feeling so bloody upset,angry,confused

[spruceylucy5]

So sorry not a sheep. I had 2 friends die in the same year one was 19 and one was 22. I found it very hard to cope but somehow I think its worse once youve had kids, you cant help but think about everyones mortality. No advice but just to let you know you are not alone.

[amynnixmum]

Hi notasheep
My friend's husband was killed 2 weeks ago in a car carsh
at 38 and I am also very affected by his death. I think its perfectly normal to feel like you do. I didn't really know him very well but I can't stop thinking about how sad it is.

[notasheep]

Thankyou spruceylucy,I am sat here having a good cry right now which will probably help

[spruceylucy5]

I think its the best thing, when I feel sad I always find the saddest movies I can and have a really good wail.

[notasheep]

amynixmum,the most difficult thing each day is that Tina(2)s daughter is in the same class as my dd at school

[spruceylucy5]

Oh god, that must be really awful! how is the little girl coping, if you dont mind me asking.

[amynnixmum]

My friend's son is the same year as my ds. They were in the same class but as some of the special needs board will know I had to take ds out of his first school. I have known them since the boys started playschool which isn't really very long but my friend's dh was special. I think this makes you aware of your own mortalitity and also of how precious life is and how easily and quickly everything can change.

[notasheep]

Her Dad is one of these strong,spiritual types,he is THE Tai Chi Teacher and very together in his mind.
During Tinas cancer i was seeing her every day,she chose to stay at home,die at home and when i called to offer support at her home she was still in bed 24hours later.To see her at that time i am lost for words,but so glad i did.I think the Dad is going to be fine,we have talked at length..

[notasheep]

Tinas daughter sat with me stroking her hair as she lay there she nows says she really wants another mummy

[spruceylucy5]

oh god , how horrendous!

[amynSAINTnixmum]

When did she die? Your pain sounds very raw and new. My friend gets very angry with herself when she breaks down - she seems to feel that crying is being weak. Its not as i keep telling her. i didn't know my friend's dh very well but I still cried about him dying. All that you are feeling is normal and natural. Cry if you need to and accept your dp's support.

[notasheep]

She died 5 months ago,but it all really came back today,it was the school Christmas Fayre today,Tina and i were very involved with all the Fund Raising last year(although carrying large boxes of books she found difficult as the lump was so big) So today i am just there carrying the boxes and.....

[amynSAINTnixmum]

Poor you
I feel sad enough and i didn't really know him very well. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you{{{hugs}}}

[spruceylucy5]

I think firsts are always hard, hopefully shes looking down on you from somewhere,

[notasheep]

This does sound bizarre,but i do feel close to her,i was very involved with the funeral arrangements and
to write on her coffin lid with a big marker pen my farewell was quite an incredible experience(she had a cardboard coffin,pens were provided and we were all invited to write on it)

[notasheep]

need to get some sleep now ds was up at 5am!

[spruceylucy5]

It does get easier, so sorry for how you are feeling. Sleep is probably a good idea.

[notasheep]

Thankyou amy and sprucey for your support,i am feeling alot better this morning

[spruceylucy5]

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better!

[notasheep]

Have managed to put aside £300 for local Hospice who supported Tina through her illness,the school are singing carols with all proceeds to that hospice on Thursday.I will be there,probably holding the bucket.

[notasheep]

Made my donation,then floods of tears

[SnowsyPosey]

So sorry to hear you in such pain. It must be an exceptionally difficult time for you at the moment. Don't know how to help or what to say, it will all sound so cliched, but you are in my thoughts.

[MeerkatsUnite]

Notasheep,

Have you heard of CRUSE?. I suggest this because I feel they may be helpful in such circumstances.


www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk

[PeachyPlumFairy]

Notasheep,

my best friend died when we were both 16, really silly pointless accident. I still have days feeling as you describe- miss her dreadfully 16 years on. Times like Christmas / her birthday are hard, as was my wedding and ds1's Christening without her there (she'd have been a Godmother)

CRUISE are very good, please try theem, but please realise what you feel is normal and just a sign that you are normal loving Human who has been through a lot this year.


A peaceful Christmas to you

X

[notasheep]

Thankyou ALL for your support,I really think i need to speak with Cruse,one girlfriend was enough to deal with but two has tipped me over the edge.I want to keep them so seperate and its so difficult with them both being Tina.I am out drinking Champagne on Saturday with a girlfriend-and slap in the face Tina (2) would ONLY drink champagne,and im getting all wallowing blah,blah,blah.

And of course this time of year is stressful and i have just given up smoking Day 5 of Cold Turkey