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Bereavement

I had my stillbirth last night

229 replies

desperatehousewife · 01/12/2005 15:15

I feel a bit weird being on here telling the ether such incredibly personal things so soon - but I've always been a person to talk to here goes.

On Monday I was told my 25 week pregnancy was no more (I knew something was wrong I had felt no flutters for a couple of days). As I was 1 week over the 'viable' date, I was told I would have to give birth to him. Giving birth naturally has been one of my biggest fears (had DS by emergency c-section) and was planning to go for elective c-section in March.

I went into hospital yesterday morning at 9.30 and was induced. Had a long day of small contractions and a couple of hours of really painful contractions then the birth at 7pm
was easy. One big push and all was over.

The relief was monumental. My DH has been amazing and we were both really composed and calm about the whole thing - bizarrely.

We chose to have him cleaned and brought to us - so we saw him and held his hand which was totally amazing - we felt really privileged to see something so tiny and so peaceful that was ours. It made it more real and it made all the labour pain worthwhile.

Was home in a morphine haze and in bed by 10.30 which was great. Slept fantastically and felt eurphoric this morning. So relieved I didn't
have a c-section and that my body feels like mine again. Am probably on a bit of a hormone high - but feel great. Am fully expecting to have a massive low at some point too. But taking each moment at a time.

Am very proud of myself - as I've always been a firm believer that I was a wimp and couldn't do anything remotely difficult. Well I have now
and there's going to be no stopping me in life.

I keep thinking how unreal it all feels and that if this was happening to a friend of mine, how utterly devestated I'd be for them. I guess time will change how I feel and I'll get to realise that this really did happen to me. Sadly we have to wait 6 weeks (probably more with xmas in the way) for the post-mortem results. Would really help to know why this has happened.

Thank you to the people on mumsnet who advised taking a special blanket and a camera - i was so deeply opposed to this idea - didn't even want to see my baby - but when it came to it, both my DH and I felt it was so important not to brush what had happened under the carpet; and to look at what we had created together to make it all more real and to help us accept things. It really really did help and we will never regret it.

Thanks for listening.
DHW

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NomDePlumPudding · 01/12/2005 15:17

xxxx

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carlychristmas · 01/12/2005 15:19

DHW am so very for you and your family, i cant really say anything that will sound helpful in anyway my thoughts are with you and your family ((((((hugs)))))) xx

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compo · 01/12/2005 15:19

you sound like an amazingly strong person. Take care of yourself and your dh (and vice versa!!) xxx

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bakedpotatohoho · 01/12/2005 15:19

Oh, I'm so sorry.
Take care.

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teeavee · 01/12/2005 15:19

I'm so glad you and your dh are facing this together with so much positivity.
I know exactly what you mean about getting your body back. It must be a great relief to have concluded things - in exactly the right way. Pamper yourselves over Christmas, and look towards the future. You can be proud of what you have done.

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sleepycat · 01/12/2005 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gggimmesnowsnow · 01/12/2005 15:20

xxx

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Mum2OneAndBump · 01/12/2005 15:20

I am so sorry you sound ever so strong my thoughts are with you & your family.

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doormat · 01/12/2005 15:22

dhw
I dont know what to say but thoughts are with you and your family at this time
your post has made me cry
your strength is amazing
take care
hugs
xxx

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motherinfurrierfestivehat · 01/12/2005 15:23

I am thinking of you
xxxxxxxxxxxx

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MARINAtivityPlay · 01/12/2005 15:23

DHW, I am so glad that
You are OK
You felt able to see and to touch your son
You got a good night's sleep afterwards and got home quickly
You feel proud for getting through this ordeal, so you should

FWIW, this is almost exactly how I felt after Tom was born. The euphoria of having done your best in the birth, of seeing and honouring the little person you created together, does help get you through the first few days.
We had to wait six weeks for the PM results too - I think this is standard.
Sending you all the love in the world. XXX

It is only by telling things like it is for others to read that you can dispel fear and horror. I read a posting not unlike yours before going into hospital to give birth, and it helped me a lot. Other women facing this prospect will read what you have said and it will help them.

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bossykate · 01/12/2005 15:23

so sorry. take care of yourself

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FrenchKissUnderMistletoeGirl · 01/12/2005 15:24

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your dh, sounds like you are dealing with it so well, look after yourself
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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walkinginawinterBundleland · 01/12/2005 15:24

oh DHW, I'm so sorry. Did you give him a name?

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RacersTheRedNosedReindeer · 01/12/2005 15:24

So sorry to read your story dhw. You are right to be proud of yourself, you've been through a terribly traumatic experience - I can't begin to imagine what it must have been like - but you have remained positive. Your baby sounds beautiful, I hope this moment of peace you and your DH had with him remains with you forever. (hugs)

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MIstletAOU · 01/12/2005 15:25

DHW - thank you for sharing your story with us all - I hope it helps you to write it down.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. There are no real positives here, but I am pleased to hear that your experience in hospital was as positive as it could have been under the circumstances.

Thinking of you.

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munz · 01/12/2005 15:25

oh honney (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) i'm pleased everything went as well as can be expected. you take care of yourself.

(((hugs)))

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SilentBite · 01/12/2005 15:25

dhw an amazing post, I'm so sorry you had to go through this but it sounds like you are coping remarkably

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GhostofNatt · 01/12/2005 15:26

Dhw, everyone has said it all already. I'm so sorry this has happened. you have been amazingly brave. look after yourself.

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MyXmasPuddingSixpenceworth · 01/12/2005 15:27

so sorry. I hope you continue to have the support you are both going to need for all your feelings over time, and that your love for each other keeps you strong. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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PrincessPlumPuddingHead · 01/12/2005 15:29

oh dhw. I'm so sorry. xxx

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Bozza · 01/12/2005 15:29

DHW I am enormously impressed by what you have posted. You are obviously not a wimp.

But all the same.

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OComeOliveFaithfOil · 01/12/2005 15:30

xxxx

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Marneychristmas · 01/12/2005 15:30

Been thinking of you all week DHW, my thoughts are with you and your family. You should be proud of yourself.

We are all thinking of you on the march06 thread. Good luck for the future!

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desperatehousewife · 01/12/2005 15:31

thanks for your amazing messages.

Marina - I totally agree with your message - will hopefully be useful for anyone that has to go thro similar thing.

WIAWbundleland - no we decided we didn't want to name him.

2 things which I am SO lucky for - having the most amazing husband who I utterly adore who is sensitive and the most caring man in the world. Also I thank whoever that I have the most amazing (if a little trying at times!) 3 year old boy. I am blessed and I now will never forget that.

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