So angry I could kill....

[mummydreamer]

I lost my Dad just three weeks ago and am only just being able to deal with this on a day to day basis.

Today I learnt that someone had been emptying his bank account over the last 4 weeks - this someone being my adopted sister who turned up out of the blue a month ago after no contact for 7 years.

She confessed to taking money out after he died but we had no idea she had been doing so all along. All my ideals about appreciating she is young/had a crappy deal in life etc have gone out of the window knowing she was prepared to steal from someone so ill and vulnerable. To think she held my child and comforted me when he died ... I feel so stupid too. Interestingly she is avoiding all contact now.

The irrational side of me wants to involve the police and make her pay - the logical side of me knows that I should take into account past history and perhaps be a little forgiving. Right now I could murder her. Am I being unfair here - what would you do?

[Cadbury]

SHE HAS STOLEN. i WOULD GO TO THE POLICE AND SEE WHAT THEY DO.

But then I am hard nosed sometimes.

Really sorry about your dad.

[starlover]

i would go to the police

[Cadbury]

Ahem, didn't mean to shout. Blinking caps lock!

[LIZS]

She has committed a crime ! The Bank Account should have been frozen anyway while probate is sorted out, with perhaps limited access for expenses. Go to the solicitor handling his estate and Will, if there was one, and see if you need to report it to the police or if they should do it. Sorry but if she can do this so blatantly I would bet there is more to come out.

[mummydreamer]

Had bank account frozen after he died - oblivious to all this. There is no will (typical Dad...) and insufficient funds to warrant probate.

I'm just in shock that anyone could target someone so clearly ill and vulnerable. I'm also worrying about whether they put any pressure on him to give out his pin number and feeling guilty I lived so far away etc

I'm in a crap space right now but am thankful for an active toddler and a baby to focus my mind during the day..

[HumphreysCorner]

Sorry to hear about your dad. Once the bank is notified the account is frozen until the next of kin signs and indemnity to confrim the value of the estate if probate isn't needed. If you were the one doing the notifying then the bank will/should only correspond with you.

The bank are surely at fault if they paid the money out without the correct authority.

Hope you get the money back hun.

((xx))

[BadHair]

This happened to my dad when his dad died. My dad's nephew, who lived with my grandparents, had been emptying the bank account for weeks.
My dad told the bank and they froze the account and asked how he wanted to proceed - did he want to treat it as theft and involve the law, or deal with it within the family.
My dad spoke to his nephew and told him that we were aware of what he'd done, that legally it was theft, and mentioned the police. That scared him. So they all agreed that the money taken would be deducted from the money willed to the nephew. Solicitor agreed to it and everyone walked away wiser.
HTH.

[Socci]

Message withdrawn

[MummyDreamingOfAWhiteChristmas]

Just thought I'd update this in case anyone was interested in the outcome!!!

Having thought long and hard about whether to involve the police, I confronted my sister and she admitted everything. She couldn't say why she had done it and clearly knew what a terrible thing she had done to someone so vulnerable. She said she would understand if we decided to take matters further.

I explained to her about my sadness about the implications for our relationship given that all the trust I had in her had gone. She appeared to share this sadness and came across as being really sorry.

She has stated that she will work to pay all of the money back and is considering going to "see someone" to understand why she did it and try and prevent anything similar happening in the future. These were her ideas incidentally.

I've come to the conclusion that we all mess up at some point and that she deserves a chance to put things right (both for us and for herself.)
Perhaps I'm being a complete sucker but you've got to hope that human goodness will win through!

[MARINAtivityPlay]

I think you've arrived at a good resolution here mummydreamer. Forgiving someone can be very hard when they have made you so angry.
Let's hope she is as good as her word about repaying the money.
So sorry to hear about your dad's death.

[MummyDreamingOfAWhiteChristmas]

I guess time will tell.....